HELP! First Birthday + Ex-Husband = Disaster?

Crystal - posted on 07/08/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hey Ya'll! Ok. My baby is going to turn One Year (YAY- I was scared to death of SIDs--first baby) I have the baby 95% of the time. I don't have to let my ex-husband see the baby at all, but that is not my style, so I give him the baby every other week. Until now.

*This is beside the point- but I just need to give a little background to lead to my main question* Long story short- The baby came back with three pretty bad injuries- and they are in three separate areas. A bad cut on his tongue (he almost bit all the way through), a popped lip on the opposite side of the tongue bite, and a scraped forehead. Yes, he's an active 11month old, things happen. No, he was obviously not that attentive to him therefore I feel he's too negligent for a baby. So I don't trust him (with a baby.) I'm sure he'll be better when the baby is 3 or 4.

Brings me to the topic. I am throwing a large Birthday Party. I have a lot of relatives, and needless to say, my ex was a very unhappy person and everyone grew to hate him. I do, however have a wonderful relationship with his sister. So I invited her, and she hasn't mentioned it to her brother and I know she wont unless I ask her to. So, I am just wondering if I should leave the situation be and not mention anything, or tell him "I'm having a party for the baby, but the circumstances being what they are you and your (Extremely EVil) Mother are not welcome in my house."

I really don't want to be a bad guy, but if he shows up drunk, and my family is drinking, they'll kill him. But on the other hand, it's his baby too (even though he never pays for the baby.) It's just an uncomfortable situation I'm avoiding. So I turn to you, my newfound advise bloggers!... ... ... HELP!

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I would suggest inviting him but only under the idea that he is not to drink before hand or during and if an issue arises he is to leave immediately. With your family being there is will help to protect your little one, and with you setting guidelines for him to come he can either listen or not bother showing up. If he shows up drunk or disorderly then turn him away immediately.



make sure if you invite him that it is by a written letter and you keep a copy, that way you have proof of what you thought was acceptable so that if anything should arise you have it on paper. (You can even mail the one you send to him so that you have it on record that it was sent out!)



From the sounds of it you may need to set up supervised visits if he wants to see the baby, for your peace of mind as well as for the safety of your little one.



This way here you wont have to hear "well, you didnt invite me..." and it will be fully on his shoulders what happens after that, he will either have to shape up or ship out!

Jamie - posted on 07/08/2009

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If you allow visits then he can plan his own thing on his own time. Nothing says yo have to have a joint bday party. We do seperate birthday parties with my SS.

Natasha - posted on 07/08/2009

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No matter how much of a ... he is. He is still the father of your son. I would suggest maybe having a separate gathering where you are there, for him to celebrate your sons first birthday. The Evil Mother.. can also be in attendance for this separate event. That way, no one gets their toes stepped on, and no one dies.

Lauren - posted on 07/08/2009

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then i would say don't even worry about the dad... don't invite him! I mean c'mon if his own sister doesn't think he should attend! And thats excellent that he has your boyfriends for a man to look up to...! good luck!

Crystal - posted on 07/08/2009

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Actually, the baby doesn't seem to respond to his dad. He crazy loves my boyfriend, who will be there I forgot to add. And my boyfriend would never cause a problem. He would leave first.

His sister suggested not telling her own mom. She agrees with me.

Lauren - posted on 07/08/2009

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tough call..... i mean i'd think my son would want his father there. But sounds like he is not very mature & if he even would consider showing up drunk & ruining your child's party i would not have him there. What's his sister say??

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