HELP ME PLEASE

Katie - posted on 09/01/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Hi,i am posting this cos i really need some help and support,i have 3 children who r now 7,6 and 4 they were taken away from me nearly 3 years ago and i have been fighting it all the way to get them home but last october the courts decided they should be put up for adoption,i have not seen my babies since january and all i am allowed from my babies is an A4 size letter once a year no pictures and not allowed to know where they are i am worried sick about them everyday and hardly leave the house now i have nightmares most nights that something terrible has happened to them its like a form of torture or something if anyone has any ideas on wat i might be able to do or any other way i can fight it now its not in the ccourt system please let me know,thank you.

7 Comments

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Eileen - posted on 09/04/2009

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I think you are very hurt. Maybe even ashamed of something? You are clearly crying out for support, but holding back details.

Something very terrible must have happened to justify the children being removed from the home, and kept from you. I'm not saying you did anything, as you haven't shared enough to be judged. But, something must have gone very very wrong for the children to be taken and kept away.

All I can suggest, is to do some real soul searching. Even if you cannot share the details, or what happened, search your soul and see, is there anything you can do to prove that it was a mistake? that you can and will provide a good, safe, nurturing home for those babies? Do you have choices to make? What hoops will you need to go through to prove that they belong with you? Sometimes we have to make very hard choices and unfortunately, sometimes we have to do things to prove ourselves to others. How bad do you really want them? what are you willing to do as a person, and as a mother to fight to get them back? Dig deep. Make the choice. Do it.

Go to God.

If you have to, get rid of the dog. Lose weight. Whatever it is that they say is wrong, fix it, to the best of your ability. And don't give up.. If they see you give up, the will adopt the children out. Work WITH the system if you have to. Do what they say needs to be done, to make your home, (and yourself), the place it needs to be for the kids.

You are hurting enough to try to reach out for help. But is it enough to motivate you to do what needs to be done? Get counselling if you can. Join a support group. Take some parenting Courses, get educated, learn new skills to help you be a better parent. (If yuo have a partner, he should be doing everything as well, or .. should you be on your own? I don't know the situation.. but sometimes children are taken from one parent because of the other, and if the two don't separate, they aren't given back...)

Be honest with yourself. Be honest with God. Be Strong.

Lyndsay - posted on 09/01/2009

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Well. I'm sorry for your pain, but that's basically all that I can say. I'm a child and youth worker working alongside the children's protection services, and they don't just take kids away without having a valid reason. They may be mistaken from time to time, but if you truly are not doing anything wrong then you will end up getting your kids back. Also... I know a lot of people who are very shitty parents, not even trying to get their kids out of foster care, who are still allowed supervised visits in the family visiting centre. If you are not allowed that, then you or your husband must've done something terribly wrong.

Katie - posted on 09/01/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

Where are you living? No offense but seems like something is missing here. They wouldnt take your kids because daddy left or because you are big. Something is not being stated. And with out the true accurate info cant give any advice.


we live in somerset and that is the full story we were being told every week in court 2 not contest the ico by our solicitors so we followed their advice believing that they were giving us the right advice oh and also because we have 2 dogs that are the childrens a 10 yr old yorkshire terrier that sleeps all day and a 3 yr old labrador that wouldnt hurt a fly and doted on the children ss went into court and stated that they were dangerous and my youngest son used to play with the lab when he was 1 and all she did was play with them.

Jamie - posted on 09/01/2009

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Where are you living? No offense but seems like something is missing here. They wouldnt take your kids because daddy left or because you are big. Something is not being stated. And with out the true accurate info cant give any advice.

Katie - posted on 09/01/2009

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Quoting Justine:

why were they taken away?


because me and their dad were having a lot of problems at the time and basically their dad ended up leaving for a few months and then ss got involved and things just got worse and worse and worse the harder we tried the more ss threw at us and it got 2 a point that it was just impossible and wen we had a metting with ss they said that because my parents were involved with ss wen i was a kid that they were gonna use that against us and they certainly did they even used my size against me too saying that because i was big i could not keep up with my kids which is ridiculous

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