Help me understand my 8 year old stepdaughter

Trina - posted on 08/07/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I'm locked in a perpetual power struggle with my step daughter. She hates me and makes ever minute she's left with me completely painful. She argues for no reason, she is overbearing towards her younger siblings, and she refuses to live even a halfway healthly lifestyle. She is not my daughter but I'd at least like to be her friend. Please help.

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Christy - posted on 08/07/2009

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I'm sorry to say this...but she sounds like an 8 year old girl. At that age it's alla bout the powerstruggle. Have you tried going out to dinner with just her and having a talk? Maybe make a whole day of it? "Girls Day Out" Watch a movie go out to eat , walk the mall?



Sitting down with her tell her how much you have enjoyed (even if it's been hell) the day with her. you can really tell she's growing up. Maybe ask her thoughts of stuff along the way, make her opinon count? Stuff like that, then tell her flat out. You want to be her friend , you aren't trying to be replacement mummy. You know she is growing up, but it hurts you the way she treats you - ask why she does it, look to her insight etc?



Good luck

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Trina - posted on 08/10/2009

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I'm sorry to say that my husband does put his foot down, as well as I've tried to do things together. It's not the girl I so much struggle with, it's her mother's emotional maipulation and abuse I struggle against. She won't do things with just me and when we do she claims that I "do things to her" and I can't afford her to say I did something inappropriate when I didn't. And I would ignore her, and try to. Especially when she makes up arguements just to have something to argue about, but she's like a pitbull, she will argue with herself for hours just to get on my nerves. Right now all she wants to do is go home, but we can't bring her back till next weekend and she is hell bent to drive her father and I crazy untill we take her back to her mom. It goes on 24/7. She picks on the little kids, stops them from taking thier naps so they cry. I wish I had a friggin zanax perscription. I'm gonna loose it.

Ellen - posted on 08/07/2009

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in my opinion, when she starts arguing with you, just ignore her banter.After a while of not getting a reaction out of you maybe she will realize that arguing with you is not going to work.Where is your husband when all this is happening? Maybe you need to tell him whats going on and have him put his foot down.Maybe try explaining to her that you are not going to replace her mother and that you would just like to be friends. I know how you feel. Because sadly to say I pulled the same things with my step dad when I was a little kid. Trust me, after a while I grew to accept him, and now that I am older I love him to death. As far as the healthy eating habits, try to make sure that no junk food is around for her to eat. And calmly explain to her that if she wants to eat, then she'll have to eat what you cook.

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