help! mom of a master manipulator...

Debbie - posted on 07/02/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My son is a master manipulator...if I punish him by putting him in his room he has run away and told the neighbors I tried to hurt him because he did not want to stay in his room and once I spanked him and he called 911. I need help, but I don't want to be scared of my own son with getting the law involved...after all I am the parent. My hubby is in the military...sometimes I would not mind trading places with him. Any advice on what I should do?

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Megan - posted on 07/02/2009

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Whatever you do, don't give up or give in. I teach at alternative high school and I see everyday what happens when parents give up. I can tell who rules the roost at my students houses and most often it isnt the parent. They're afraid of their own kids. Police don't even scare them anymore. I really have no idea what recommendation or advice to give besides don't give up. You'll be sorry if you do.

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Debbie - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

Counseling is the only way to go at this point. There is a reason he is acting this way. Probably has a lot to do with dad being gone. My little kids were babies when my DH was deployed, not they are 3 and 4 and we are gearing up for another deployment, not looking forward to it this time.


thankyou Jamie! I set up counseling for my son and I starting tomarrow. yes, deployment is really rough,especially if the there is no outlet for the remaining parent. I wish you the best of luck with this next deployment! thankyou for your sacrifices!

Debbie - posted on 07/02/2009

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thankyou all so much for your recommendations and support! Just found out the military offers 12 free sessions of counseling...so we will be starting tomarrow!

Jamie - posted on 07/02/2009

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Counseling is the only way to go at this point. There is a reason he is acting this way. Probably has a lot to do with dad being gone. My little kids were babies when my DH was deployed, not they are 3 and 4 and we are gearing up for another deployment, not looking forward to it this time.

Maegan - posted on 07/02/2009

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6 is a great age for the choice my 10 year old now 12 tried to jump off our roof a couple years ago saying I was holding him hostage..... and beating him.. I was trying to get him to clean his room his dad is gone for month's at a time as well

Debbie - posted on 07/02/2009

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he is 6, and his father is gone a year at a time...has had 14 mon. deployment in Iraq and now is gone for yet another year in Afgan. let me add I do have trouble keeping my patience when he disobeys and disrespects me

Maegan - posted on 07/02/2009

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Well I have dealt with a similar strong willed little boys.. daddy is away a lot and he is looking for structure and he needs you to be the parent but you need to not be the enemy.... try changing the way he looks at punishment take the balm off you and make it his choice
So he need everything to be his choice.. example.. Noah you need to brush your teeth before bed, he starts a tantrum... stop.. and in a very calm voice make sure he is listening tell him you have two choices you can brush your teeth like a good boy and Mommy will read you a story... or you can choice to have a tantrum and not brush your teeth and I won't read you the story... if his choice is positive immediately reinforces the wow you are so happy he made the choice to let you read him a story and how nice it is to do thinks with him.... if he made the negative choice and is screaming on the floor off the bathroom.. tell him how sad you are the HIS CHOICE was to go to bed with out a story.. so he doesn't brush his teeth for a couple days.. make sure the choice has a easy good and easy to follow thru end result at you have to follow thru .. He will feel more in control of him self and you are no longer just telling him what to do.. some things there are no choices and they are spoken but not ordered.... Going to school... School is a child's work and it is illegal not to go... spoken like from God but it has nothing to do with what I want them to do and keep repeating it until they get a choice to make... this takes time but kids have a greater sense of self worth from making the own Choices ...

Ashley - posted on 07/02/2009

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Unfortunately I think your son may have some issues he needs to deal with through counseling.... Sometimes with kids like these (and I was one), you react by not trusting then whatsoever, but what they actually need is 100% trust and acceptance... also, I'd go to the police myself, explain your situation, they aren't there only to write tickets, often they've got great resources for dealing with family issues and may provide you with some info on couseling, programs.... I've heard of summer camps for kids with parents in the military, maybe find out about something like that..... but mostly it can become a you against him situation, and it really needs to be you and him... just as a note, i went through 13 psychologists & psychiatrists, and in all only 2 were good for me... they are not one size fits all, but you need to get this addressed sooner rather thean later, because things can get worse very quickly....

Danni - posted on 07/02/2009

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how old is your son??? does he see his father often as he is in the military??? i would suggest counselling for your son thi will allow him and you to talk to each other about any issues you may have or he may have, and will allow him to open up, and u may find u get a better result if you tske him to talk to someone, counselling is not a bad thing for children!! good luck:)

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