help!!! need dicipline techniques for a 4 yr old

Amanda - posted on 04/28/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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my daughter will be 5 in a couple of weeks and despite having a routine, predictability, a good diet and using time outs she is still out of control. she has been diagnosed with adhd and odd and has been on meds for a while, they help but not much.
My daughter trys to do the opposite of everything I tell her, she hits kids in my home daycare, throws tantrums , spits in the house and thinks its funny. she disrespects me by telling me "I WONT" when i ask her to do something and she calls me names.
I have also been trying to get her to help out around the house by putting her shoes away, hanging up her coat ect and she has such a negative attitude about it.
my husband and I do not know where we went wrong, since the day she was born we have tried everything we know how to make sure she grew up happy, healthy and full of confidence and independence (she wont do anything for herself)
does anyone ave any suggestions for me, I am at my wits end and her specialists are not helping much.

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Dawn - posted on 04/29/2009

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I have a five year old boy and he is also out of control. He just turned 5 and he thinks that he is the boss. I just started dating for the first time in 9 months and he is acting out even more. For the past 9 months it has been him and I. I think that is a lot of is problem is that he misses our time together, but I try to still set aside time for just us. I do need some ideas for help as well. I do like the stop light idea that is listed here.

Nicole - posted on 04/29/2009

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try to read Don't make me count to three, and Dare to discipline...there may be a few things you don't agree with totally but the overall principals are awesome....find a technique and stick to it...if your daughter knows that every time she throws a fit she has to sit in time out until she is ready to change her attitude...and she sits in time out for 3 or 4 days straight she will eventually stop...if she knows that you will give in she will try..Don't back down!! she needs boundaries and she needs to know that you are in control and that you are never out of control...no matter how frantic she gets a calm soft voice lets her know that you are not affected by her attitude and that she is only hurting herself.... i have a child much like this and this worked wonders for me!!! Her happiness is not your main goal, being a mom is about molding character, building confidence, nurturing, training and guiding. happiness will come as these things fall into place and she becomes more comfortable with the world around her and the boundaries in it.

Amanda - posted on 04/29/2009

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Quoting Josselyn:

I am a preschool teacher and I think positive reinforcement works best. Even if it is something so small. "Honey I love how you sat down quietly for breakfast. I am so proud of you." I noticed that the more compliments I gave, the better my class was.

Last year I had a timeout chair, I didn't really use it until the second half of the year, but when I started, I noticed that my class was much more out of control. This year I got rid of the timeout chair and have used positive reinforcement alone. It has worked so much better.

I might also use a chart. At school we use a stop light. green= good day, they move to yellow if they have had too many reminders or don't keep their hands to themselves and then to red if the behavior continues. If the students are on yellow or red, they don't get a prize, and in your case you could take away a privilege. These are just a few ideas. I hope this advice helps. I totally understand how frustrating it can get. Hang in there!!


Thanks, that is a great idea. I am going to set out a plan and try the stop light technique tomorow.

Josselyn - posted on 04/29/2009

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I am a preschool teacher and I think positive reinforcement works best. Even if it is something so small. "Honey I love how you sat down quietly for breakfast. I am so proud of you." I noticed that the more compliments I gave, the better my class was.



Last year I had a timeout chair, I didn't really use it until the second half of the year, but when I started, I noticed that my class was much more out of control. This year I got rid of the timeout chair and have used positive reinforcement alone. It has worked so much better.



I might also use a chart. At school we use a stop light. green= good day, they move to yellow if they have had too many reminders or don't keep their hands to themselves and then to red if the behavior continues. If the students are on yellow or red, they don't get a prize, and in your case you could take away a privilege. These are just a few ideas. I hope this advice helps. I totally understand how frustrating it can get. Hang in there!!

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