help!!!! please

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

me and my partner got together wen i was 2 months pregnant, he is so supportive but when my bump started to show he refused to have sex with me which i totally understand as most men are like that and he said it was just wrong. but she is 4/5 months now we have had sex twice but both times i could tell he didnt really want to n both times was a morning hangover!!, he cares for us loads n will do anything for us yet he makes me feel so ugly fat n unloved, he makes excuses when we are alone like hes tired or unwell but yet he'll stay up till 2/3 in the morning n says hes just used to me been pregnant or hes put off after seeing me give birth n most men are like this after a baby, i try not to nag him bout it but something most be wrong can anyone give me advice on this as its driving me crazy n iv read bout people going years like this n i dont want us to be like that

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Joanna - posted on 09/28/2012

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My husband had a hard time having sex with me once I got big as well. After the baby, we didn't have much sex and I was starting to think it was because he was grossed out from the birth or my stretch marks. I finally straight up asked him why he wasn't that interested only to find out he was worried that I wasn't ready to have sex. He didn't want to pressure me or hurt me. Open a dialogue with him and tell him you need to feel wanted and sexy. If that doesn't help, I would considering counseling. It is hard to have self-esteem after having a baby. Do things to make yourself feel good. AFter having my babies I would get my hair done, go tanning, get my nails done, new clothes. My hubby really enjoyed that and so did I.

[deleted account]

I couldn't have said it any better than DeAnn! I am currently 4 months pregnant and my husband NEVER quit being interested in sex. As a matter of fact, he has become more interested!

DeAnn - posted on 09/25/2012

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First off, MOST men are NOT like that. Women tend to experience a drop in drive in the 1st and 3rd trimesters, and men WANT to have sex with them. However, some men have a hard time accepting a pregnancy. They created life. That's a BIG deal. They are akin to God and that's a heavy responsibility. Some go completely in denial that the child is even theirs. It's partly a maturity thing and partly an upbringing thing.



Some guys are afraid they will hurt you or the baby. They are very protective, even if they hurt your feelings doing so. It's unsettling, though, that he's worried about being put off after seeing you give birth. That indicates he's objectifying you as a sex object, and not as a person, the mother of his child. He may not be fully appreciating all the aspects of a woman's worth, because that would mean she is equal to or greater than he is. If that's the case, I hate to tell you this, but he's probably not going to stick around.



You two need to talk to a licensed counselor STAT. Maybe even a sexologist. Your counselor will help get to the root of the problem, as an objective third party. Someone needs to listen to his side, to find out why he feels this way - he may not even know WHAT he feels. Then, your counselor will provide you with "homework" and techniques for talking to each other so that you're not nagging and he's not avoiding you.



If he's really committed to you, he'll go with you. But if he won't, go alone. It's possible you're with an immature jerk and can't see it and need to work on your own self-esteem and self worth. But even jerks are people, too, with the capacity to learn and work through it with a little effort.



Tell him most men are not like that, and that there are many men who find a pregnant woman very sexy - just have him google pregnancy porn. It's a HUGE industry (no pun intended). You are a woman. You are fertile. You give life. You are powerful. If that scares him, he needs to be a man and stop trying to put you in one box or another. You are not either sexy or a mother, you are both.

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