Help? Should I even try working things out with my daughters dad?

Katrina - posted on 10/17/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Okay, So... I have two kids & I've been with my daughters father [my ex] since we were just little kids.. about 11ish? ... Off and on of course. Everytime we broke up, he would try to find someone else to be with & he always did.. And when we turned 15, we started having sex.. By the age of 16, thats when I got pregnant and when i was about 20 weeks pregnant, we broke up for a couple months and during that time, he was trying to get another girlfriend and always drinking.. I stopped talking to him and avoided him. Couple months later, He added me on msn and my other page.. telling me he missed me and everything.. So we got back together

After we had our first daughter, I moved in with him at his moms and we only broke up a few times only for a week or so.. and he was always the one coming back to me again... So by the age of 18, i got pregnant with our 2nd daughter.. After we had her, we havent broken up.. well maybe just once or twice? but it was only for a day... We have been living on our own for 2 years.. and broke up 3 and a half months ago cause I was becoming too hard to handle cause of my depression I was in... So he left. I cried and cried for 2 months.. I have been drinking on the wknds to make myself feel better and so is he... I have told him i missed him couple weeks ago and that wknd, he went and fooled around with someone else & had her at his house all wknd... Lately, we've been talking about trying things out.. but he wont give me a straight answer.. He would just say I dont know or We'll see? .. At one point he told me that we'll take things super slow.. then i asked again and he said We'll spend some time together whenever im not busy and see how it goes.. He came over a couple nights ago and we watched a movie together and i asked him if i can cuddle up to him and he said okay... then i asked him to lay with me in my room and he said okay again... He was very hesitant to come over cause he thinks that i've been with other people in my bed... So I dont know what to do?.. he's sending me mixed signals... Should I even bother?? He's the only person that I want to be with and have my family together also... What do I do??...



Also, It felt weird with him being here but it also felt Goooooood ♥ ... When I asked him how he felt, he said he felt weird...? He still doesnt believe that i didnt have anyone over to my house...

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Samantha - posted on 10/18/2012

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im sorry but you guys sound like you guys are not good together. You have your two girls in this? Does its really seem healthy for them to have there mom and dad always togther and apart again, mean while both parents are drinking. Id say move on and try to be happy so your girls can be happy. I know you want to work it out because you have been together for so long but there is a reason you guys always fall apart. Good luck and i hope things get better for you no matter what you choose.

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Melissa - posted on 10/19/2012

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If you do decided to try to make it work I think it's really important that you both are 100% on board with the idea before jumping into it, it will take a lot of commitment, effort, and patience on both sides. If you do decide to try to make the relationship work I highly recommend getting counseling, it sounds like you both have issues that will need to be worked through and a good counselor can help you do that. Given that you have 2 kids together you will always be a part of each others lives and will have to work together as parents so if you don't decide to try to make the relationship work counseling still might be a good idea, getting both of you and your children into some family counseling sessions. It sounds like there are some deeper issues that regardless of what happens will need to be worked through. I would definitely say though if he is not 100% on board and giving you mixed signals then it is probably time to move on and just work on yourself and who you are and being the best mom to your kids.

Stacey - posted on 10/19/2012

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He doesn't sound like a "good" guy.



I would honestly suggest just ending things.. for the better of yourself and your two little girls. It is not just YOU anymore, you are pulling two innocent little babies through the mud too. The reason you can't move on from him is because you haven't really been with anyone else... there are more guys out there. This one isn't for you.

User - posted on 10/19/2012

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It sounds like you guys tried to make it work and it just isn't. You will probably always have certain feelings towards him because he is your children's father and your childhood sweetheart. For me if my man was with another woman sexually I would not be able to take him back and vice-versa. I wonder if you actually let yourself move on and date other people if you would be happier in the end. (Happy parents make for happier children, whether they're together or not!) Maybe you could do some things for yourself to make yourself feel better more desirable. Maybe if you got a new haircut, or a hot new outfit and went out with some friends you would feel more secure in the dating world, not necesserily take home a guy but just turn a few heads to make you realize there is a good man out there for you and you have other options. It sounds like if you got back together it might work "for now" but doesn't seem like it would work forever. Is this okay with you or will you be more heartbroken the next time you break up? I'm not saying it's right but I do think the best way to get over a man is to find another one (a good one of course). You are still young and have a lot to offer in a relationship. I bet it will be easier for you to find a new relationship now than 10 or 15 years down the road.

The drinking seems to be a completely different issue altogether (if it is an issue at all, IDK just you mentioned it a few times). If there is a drinking problem it really can't be solved by getting back together, although it may keep it at bay, it would still be there. You could get some help for that if you need it outside the relationship if it is a problem.

I hope you find happiness and a man that will treat you right.

Katrina - posted on 10/19/2012

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I have been with someone else before i got pregnant, thats it. He has no idea about that though... and recently, I was with someone else but it just didnt feel right... I dont want to be with anyone else but him... I love having my family together, My girls are happier when we're together.. and where im from there isnt much 'good' guys out there... He's a really good dad when we're together and we dont drink as much.. only once every couple months.

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