Help with my 6 year old daughter

Yesenia - posted on 07/26/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hello everyone,

Some of you have read my posts about my relationship problems and have offered me great advice which finally gave me the strength to leave that unhealthy relationship. He is now my ex but we share two daughters and he has been been making my life as miserable as possible to were the stress is too much. I was letting him see the girls because he said he wanted to see them every other weekend with no problems from me but he then would have the girls for that single day and spend the entire day calling me to see what I was doing and I did not want to talk to him, so that made him angry. He would argue with me and say crazy things in front of the girls every single time I picked them up and drop them off. After that it got to be too much so I had to get a family member to go and pick them up n drop them off. The insults and arguments did not stop. One day at our local dollar store he found me and my daughter and walked into the store and in front of everyone asked me why I wouldn't answer the phone and got in my face and threatened to kill me saying this in front of my daughter. I went and got an order of protection the next day who the judge gave for me and the girls because he did not trust him. Two times after that I made the mistake of allowing the oldest daughter to get dropped off by a family member to see him for the day, on the second time I was out of town and he kept calling me but I wouldn't answer him so he left me a message threatenening to take her to california and that I would never see her again. I had my parents go find him and they did, he told my parents that he was on his way to drop her back off. I think that he said that just to upset me but I haven't allowed anymore converstations or visits with him ever since then even though he continues to call and text me. I don't reply. I have called the cops but they told me that if they go and talk to him that it will make things worst which may be possible. What I am asking for is advice on how to handle my daughter through all this, her behavior has changed dramatically and she seems to think i am keeping her from him out of spite which i am not because i am willing to endure the insults from him as long as shes happy but i can not trust him with her not taking her. I don't know what to do. I am trying to go to court but have trouble with the paperwork. I am working on this but what am I suppose to do about my daughter's behavior. I know this is going to scar her for life.

2 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 07/28/2012

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i had bother with my ex , i tryed courts , mediation , suppervised access of all kinds and i ve had to report her missing twice while she was in his care for a few hours and get the police to force him to hand her back.

I have always told my daughter that mammy and daddy love her very much just we dont love each other any more and that grown ups often say nasty thins about each other. my daughter has slowly began to understand that daady isnt a knight in shiny armour. the best thing to do is not say anything bad about her dad and reasure her that you both love her very much. It will help to be as honest as you can with her like explain that her dad cant see her at the moment because he not safe to be around.

its really hard to do but the best thing is to be consistant - you have the protection order so stick to it - if he keeps coming in and out her life she will be very unsettled not knowing whats happening and she will be picking up on the stress making her stressed.

do whats right for you and her not whats easy - happy mammy = happy child

Jennifer - posted on 07/27/2012

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I was in a similar situation with my ex, he did the same stuff to my daughter and she was having a really hard time. I talked to my attorney and they recommended a child phscologist, she has been going to him since she was 2 i know very early in life BUT she has made excellent progress she has a great relationship with her phscologist and will tell him anything he can explain things to her being a 3rd party to the sitation and she understands so much better. My daughter is now 8 and every once in awhile we still see the dr depending on what bs her dad and his wife said the weekend before. It really helps to have a 3rd party they can just listen to what the child feels and help them understand the situation. Hope this helps!

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