Helping My Cousin Adjust

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

My four year old cousin has been living with us for the past 5 months (her mother passed away in Aug. of 2006 followed by her grandmother in Aug. of 2007). Technically she has been living with my mom, but am like her second mom when I am home from school and I do my best to help money wise. But anywhoo, she has never really had a stable home and we are looking for creatvie ways to help her follow directions. No one has every really disciplined her and while we do believe in spankings we do our best to only use that when she is really acting out (like fighting in school which has done twice in the past month). She is truly a good kid, but can be rough around the edge's. Time outs seem to do nothing. I was thinking of using a award system, after she gets so many gold stars for being a good girl I take her to the zoo or to see a movie. Some one please help us figure out what else may or may not work.

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Becki - posted on 06/10/2009

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i would clearly post the rules of the house, i get that she is 4 so do this in a simple way. also post the consequence for her actions. example: fighting in school, consequence 1 week without something she likes best (game, toy, tv) and then you have to stick to it. the biggest thing with children is they need structure, discipline and consistancy. your reward system sounds like a very good idea. when she goes a day without breaking any house rules give her a star and once a month take her out somewhere special. once you come up with these rules sit her down and explain them to her. it will take time so be patient. best of luck!

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