How am i suppose to feel..

Ashley - posted on 11/11/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Have you ever felt like your husband really don't want to be with you that he is just stuck because he has to many kids?? me and my husband we were watching a tv show today and we seen a woman's hair that looked like she was a 5 years old.. well he said it looked cool.. i was like so now i have to look like a 5 year old to hear that.. so of course i was like why don't i ever hear this.. he was like because you are always the same.. now let me tell you girls that is just about the hair i have heard this many other times.. what should i do?? i'm a week away from being 5 months pregnant with our 4th child and we have been married for almost 5years.. of course nothing is different.. i do sometimes feel like i'm not good enough for him.. and i feel like in some ways he is telling me this.. is it because i'm pregnant? have we been married to long?? can you think of anything else i can do different about myself?

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Angela - posted on 02/08/2013

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It just seems to me that men get bored in relationships.

I jump thru hoops trying to please my man, and he is chronically unhappy.

No girls even gave him time of day his ENTIRE life (his longest relationship was 1 month before I met him when he was 33).

I would think he would be appreciative and greatful that I paid attention to him when no other girls did.
But he is still unhappy, nonetheless.

Maybe you have a chronically unhappy husband.

My BF's mom said his dad was the same way - just chronically unhappy.

Complaining about your weight because they are unhappy with their weight.
Complaining that you don't have xyz, because they are unhappy with themselves.

Ashley - posted on 11/12/2009

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hey yall.. thanks.. for talking to me.. sometimes.. i feel that i am 23 but my body is on the 4th child the the thing is with in that year after having all my kids i get back down to 115lbs.. and i thought that was great.. but sometimes i don't think he thinks its enough.. he is always looking at other females.. and i know they look but with him making me feel this way.. there are times that i think he is looking for another.. ugh... i know i shouldn't feel that way.. but at times.. i have that feeling and i hate it!..

Connie - posted on 11/12/2009

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I agree with Carolee - don't sit in sorrow, darlin'. Stess for you and the baby is not good. Message me if you want to vent a little. My hubby can be a real douche bag too - we'll compare stories.

Brittany - posted on 11/12/2009

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My advice to you is maybe try to spice things up a little with him. I mean go out and do things and make sure he knows that just because you have been married 5 years doesn't mean that you can be exciting. It is probably just that five year itch. Just be honest with him also. Let him know how he is making you feel. He obviously loves you or else he wouldn't make that kind of commitment to you and still be with you after 4 years..

Carolee - posted on 11/11/2009

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Unfortunately, it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. If I were you, I would get a haircut that *I* like, a new outfit that *I* think looks great, and not be too concerned with him right now. The fact that you are pregnant means that you should try to relax. Regrettably, he's sounding like one of those guys who blames the woman for getting pregnant, while not blaming himself for putting you that way. I would suggest a combination of talking to him, writing him a letter explaining exactly how you feel, and couples counseling. I hope it's just him having a minor freak out about the newest addition. If that's the case, he'll probably get over it if you keep the lines of communication open. I'm hoping for the best for you.

Ashley - posted on 11/11/2009

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that is just it.. he tells me not to buy anything sexy that its a waste of money.. i could cut my hair he tells me once more it looks the same.. ugh.. and i can color a way different color lol believe me.. i love doing my hair, and changing its color.. and i love doing my make up when i have the time.. and that asking for a divorce well he has done that a few times.. that i think is where i got confused.. because i love him alot and of course he is a pain..lol what man isn't.. but the fact that he has asked for that 2 many times.. and that he keeps coming back.. last time he moved out for 3 months saying he wanted a divorce and i think that is really when it hit me*but that was well over a year ago*.. i thought we were doing good.. but then he found out i was pregnant again.. and well not sure he wanted it to happen at least not this soon.. i don't know i have my down days and then of course there are up days.. man i really hate to be saying all of this over the computer i don't want yall to think bad of us.. please positive advice..

Jessica - posted on 11/11/2009

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I have dealt with the same thing. It is honestly just a human response in my opinion when you have been together for so long. I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years, he has a 7 year old and we have a 2 year old together, and I can say that sometimes i wish he would try to do something different with himself for me, he has told me the same. It is nothing personal, its just exciting and new when you come home with a new haircut or if you do your make up differently. I hope this helps. But talk to him about it, and think to yourself honestly, is there anything i want him to do for me that i might like? By the way, I dont think it has anything to do with you being pregnant.

Betty - posted on 11/11/2009

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Do not make any life changing choices while you are pregnant. There is no such thing as being married too long. Be open to things that your husband likes and please don't put him down.

Tameka - posted on 11/11/2009

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My advice to you is a couple of things.. you need sit down and have a good talk, turn the tv off, leave the radio on for background noise if you need it. Be honest, when men have children and settle down, some men do think for a while that they are trapped, men secretly want to have lots of attention, lots of affection, and trust me i understand that you have 3 other children and one on the way, and you may not have time for that sort of thing, but unfortuntely to not loose your husband, then i think you are going to talk to him about everything, and take on what he says he doesnt like about you or things you do that bug him, and tell him things too, be honest, it will make you stronger, and when you have got all that sorted out, surprise him, send the kids away to your parents or a friends for the weekend, and take him away for the weekend, i know us woman want the romance etc, but mean do too. trust me. you are married so he obviously does love you other wise he would have asked for a divorce, and maybe every know and then, wear something sexy, change your hair and make-up, spice it up, it will be nice and a surprise for him, and it may very well make you feel like a new woman...

think of it this way for a second, if you have the same computer for years and nothing changes, you become comfotable with it, its not exciting anymore, and when you see a new computer you want to comment on it, or even trade in... so try doing your hair, doing your make up, showing him, your still that sexy woman he married, and your still interest and attracted to him, relationships are work, people say there not, but they are... but most of all hun, talk to him, and get all the truth out, regardless of how much it hurts

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The best advice I can give is speak to him be very honest about how you feel and have a all out honest,raw conversation where the two of you tell each other everything. Even if it hurts your feelings things he says LISTEN maybe that will help you to better understand him and what his going through and what his feelings, and help you to.

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