How can i get full custody of my 4 yr old?

Erica Ann - posted on 06/06/2013 ( 20 moms have responded )

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My story is pretty long so I will try to make this as short as I can. I got pregnant 4 yrs ago with my son and at that time his father and i were not together. I had told him he was going to be a dad, we moved in together. He then became abusive toward me I thru him out. He said he wanted a paternity test. I went thru the entire pregnancy by my self i tried to get him to go to appointments but he never showed. Even after my son was born while i was in the hospital I called him he said he didnt want anything to do with my son untill the test results. after my son was 6 months his father ordered a paternity test, the results stated that he was 99.9% he is the father. He denied the results dew to what the papers stated as far as his nationality, he then ordered another test, it came back same results. Him and I have been in a battle for four years with support & custody. the last time we went to court the judge had said that "the cards are in my hands now" and that i have custody. Now its been well over six months sense he has seen my son, and even before my sons father would be in and out of of his life. He has been homeless 3x and has alot of jobs or non at all in my sons short 4 yrs of life. He never has a stable home and has a record of being abusive, drugs, assaulting, and the list can go on. Now he filed for visitation with my son and he used an address that he knew i havent used in a long time so i never received the court petition, so the judge went on with the order with out me and gave him visitation starting this Friday. One i dont want to give my son to him becuz i dont know where he will take him. and second he hasnt seen his father in over 6 months. Im just tired of him being a yo-yo in my sons life. I want him to sign off his rights or get full custody. Is there a way i can do this? My sons father has also told me he is going to use my son to hurt me and if taking him from me is the only way then thats what he will do.

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Jodi - posted on 06/06/2013

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Unless you have absolutely clear proof that he is a danger to your child or that it is not in the best interests o f your child to get to know his father, then you need to stop with the power struggle. Your child has another parent, that's just a fact. Whether you like it or not, that parent has rights AND your child has the right to a relationship with that parent. You can't make him sign off his rights.

I suspect, if he is only doing this to hurt you rather than to actually develop a relationship with his son, then if you stop showing your distress over it, he will very soon lose interest.

Lily - posted on 06/08/2013

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You need to visit with a social worker from a court with as much proof of the boy's father's bad deeds as possible- including even little things like notes/emails/texts of whatever harmful he's said regarding you or your son. Explain that he should be considered a "flight risk". There is a such thing as supervised visitation, which you can discuss with whoever is working with you, in case you do want the father involved but never alone with the boy. Be sure to file for child support- not so much for the money, but because if he's not really interested in being in the child's life and is really doing this to hurt you or the boy in some way, he'll probably be scared off, because that is a big financial obligation.

Jodi - posted on 06/07/2013

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OK, so do you have evidence of your son coming home with welts on his body and black eyes? Did you take him to a doctor? Ultimately, you NEED solid evidence, and even then, he will probably still get supervised visitation. All I can advise is that you appeal that decision, or file another petition, to push for supervised visitation and produce your evidence.

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Erica Ann - posted on 06/18/2013

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well im prob going to be arrested in the next few days dew to the fact i refuse to let my son go with a stranger that doesnt know anything about my son, and that just got outta jail on the 6th of this month and take him to a one room living area above a bar and where the bathrooms r shared. i would rather be in jail then let him take my son. i have been the one providing for him his entire life. i provide a stable structured life style for all my kids. my next court date is the 27th of this month and if i have to sit in jail untill then then so be it. but he will not take my son. i have full custody of him. idk what to do any more.

Erica Ann - posted on 06/13/2013

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I called the sheriffs department to get police reports and his arrest record. they said they couldnt help me. :'( i called the "womens shelter" that is in my area and they said unless i have prove that he has harmed my son then they cant give legal advice. but i did get ahold of a lawyer that was great help.

Lauren - posted on 06/13/2013

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Erica, not that you should get your son involved ... you should always try to be positive and hopeful with him ... but if he's old enough to express that he doesn't want to go with his dad, he is old enough to tell a judge that in court. Get to that women's shelter and ask for help, and then make sure you share that your son has expressed frustration and let your son tell him. You can explain to your son that he simply needs to be honest and share how he feels to help keep your whole family and him safe.

My thoughts are with you!

Kathleen - posted on 06/13/2013

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Erica, go to a court and get an emergency hearing for domestic violence, tell the court what this man has done. if you have police reports or witnesses that can provide proof take them with you or get an affadavit from them. Dont let this man know anything about you, use a hidden address and phone number, he is trying to get you out into the open where he can attack or hurt you and your child. Be forewarned this is a tactic used by abusive men to kill women and children. I happens all of the time. Get a plice officer to help you take care of this quickly!!

Erica Ann - posted on 06/12/2013

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ok i will look into that Lakota, and thank you. i will keep you posted. :)

Lakota - posted on 06/12/2013

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I have been where you are. It broke my heart too. Thankfully, my boys are older now. I didn't have money for a lawyer either. So I understand. I did go to a shelter. Not to stay there, but, to ask for advice and for help if they could. I helped me and my boys a great deal. I hope you consider it. It doesn't matter if you have two other kids.

Erica Ann - posted on 06/12/2013

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Lakota; i dont have the money for a lawyer. i been thru the court ordered ones and they didnt do my son any justice. i have thought about going to a women's shelter many of times however i have two other kids. that have a different father. i want to represent my self and i have been doing a lot of research on in how to and the steps to go about it. my son talked to me outta the blue about is father last night and it broke my heart to hear my son say what he said... "mommy i dont want to go to daddy's, he is dirty and keeps me dirty." "mommy you always take care of me and i dont want to stay with my daddy" among other statements. and yes i tried recording him but my phone didnt hold the entire conversation.

Lakota - posted on 06/11/2013

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Hon, have you consulted an attorney? Also, if you are afraid for your son's safety and yours, you can go to a women's shelter, talk to someone, and they can help you with the legal stuff and advise you what to do. I would highly recommend that you do that.

Erica Ann - posted on 06/11/2013

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i wish i could just dissapear with my kids some times. but he always finds me some how.

Erica Ann - posted on 06/11/2013

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It is hard. my sons father has a place to live for a month or so and maybe a job for a month or two but then he is homeless and with out a job.

Erica Ann - posted on 06/11/2013

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yes i have pic of all that. but last time i tried to show the judge he didnt want to see them then when his father wrote up a letter about me the judge read it. but the pic where going to to a distraction to the judges file say. i couldnt believe it. i still have all the pics. and printed out alot of things on my ex's facebook that shows how unusual he is and i also have print outs of all the news papers where is was arrested for every thing in the past 4 yrs

Tiffany - posted on 06/09/2013

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I am going through the exact same thing with my son's dad. He comes and goes as he please and when he decides to be in his life...he expects me to jump at his command. I have thought the same thing how can I get full custody. When I talk about taking him he plays super dad until he thinks I'm over the last disappearing act. I'm looking for answers as well.

Kathleen - posted on 06/09/2013

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move away and forget this guy, he is a bad egg, and a bad influence on your child. no forwarding address... just forget him he is NO GOOD...

Jessica - posted on 06/08/2013

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ohhh and if you make sure you state that you fear for your childs safety the judges will take notice

Jessica - posted on 06/08/2013

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I feel real sad that you and your son has to go through this situation, I hope that a judge can help you out of this fix because weather he be the father or not that child should not be with him unsupervised ever! I have a child to someone who pretends to want something to do with him but never follows through but i'm not bothered cos the more him and his family are out of our lives the better, but I can say now that my ex is not violent like yours or into drugs but I do think the less you have to do with this guy the better! Make excuses like the boy is not well so you cant take him, or your out of town or anything to prevent it but don't make it obvious to him!

Erica Ann - posted on 06/07/2013

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He has been arrested numerous of time for assault and battery. He has been arrested for drugs. At one point my son came home with welts all over his body, and looking like he had two black eyes. so this is not a power struggle. its protecting my child from some one that is a danger. He is suppose to be on medication for bipolar disorder. His father didnt want anything to do with him while i was pregnant or even after he was born. in the short four yrs of his life he has only seen him maybe a year in and out like a yo-yo.

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