How can I get my boyfriend to better understand...

Stephanie - posted on 05/30/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Hi all...

My boyfriend and I have decided to be serious. Its been about 8 months and he is actively involved in my almost 5 yr old sons life. His father is not really in the picture. Anyway, He is wonderful with my son but sometimes he gets frustrated with the whole parenting idea. He demands a lot of time to himself and sometimes well... most of the time that doesnt happen!!! Its extremely frustrating for me to try to explain that children dont just "go away" and you cant always "get time to yourself" even when you need it. I need it to and get it sometimes but he definately hasnt figured it out yet. I have explained it til Im blue in the face, anyone got any ideas???????????????????

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Stephanie - posted on 05/31/2009

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Quoting Jill:

My brother and his ex went through the same situation, he needs to realize that if he is going to be a part of your life and your son's life that whether he likes it or not he is a role model for your son and that if he wants to be with you he needs to make a committment to you and your son. Kids are 24/7. Granted we all need a break every once in awhile. When you have a child you have to put them first. If communication doesn't happen between you it will drive you apart. It did help my husband to spend time with other dads from church and have time he can just get away to do guy stuff. We will keep you in our prayers and remember communication is the key.



Thanks so much!!!  Ill let him read some of this stuff (maybe lol) have a good day.

Stephanie - posted on 05/31/2009

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Quoting Nel:

Does he know any other dads at all in your group of friends? I felt that perhaps seeing other guys being dads might help him realise its a selfless thing (my husband is much better when around other dads) there are also some articles on website such as babycentre.com.au which may give you some more advice!
I have to say my husband is the same, needs time to hisself and doesnt understand that its not that easy.... I hope he becomes more understanding soon :)


Thank you so much.  :o)  I have tons of single mommy friends, but not so many guys... Ill suggest the website though.  Have a wonderful day.

Stephanie - posted on 05/31/2009

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Quoting Ciressa:

My husband was the same way. I got pregnant when we were both young, and not married. He was always used to his freedom, and I always let him have it. Finally it got to the point where I felt like it was no use to try to make him be involved, and make him understand that it needs to be family first. For 6 years we went through this. Finally I just started reassuring him, that he was a good dad, and that he could do things with our kids, and still have fun. Kids can actually make things more fun. I started with things like, if he was going to go to the store, or make a quick run to a friends house, I would suggest for him to take one of them with him; he quickly found out that it was easier than he thought, and the love and affection that my children had for him quickly grew to where he noticed just how important he was to them, and how important it is for them to have him in their lives. What works for one, doesnt always work for another. We also started having a day that was just for us (mom and dad), a day for mom and the kids, and a day for dad and the kids, that way we all got our "breaks" and it really helps. Your right though, kids dont just go away, all we can do is make the best and try to figure out what we can do to make it easier for everyone in the meantime. I have found that he does need alot of reassurance though, like he needs to know that hes needed, does that even make sense? Anyways I dont think theres anything you can do to "make" him understand, but maybe you can "help" him to understand. Can I ask how old he is?


Hes 25.  Im 27 but I was Married young and all of that.  He doesnt like things to be scheduled.  He always says he wants time with me but not at 9 or 10 at night... y'know hes just kinda selfish! LOL I love him but its frustrating.  They do stuff together but its always on his terms and as we all know that just doesnt fly when you have kids!  I had to make him take my son yesterday to run to menards.  They like to do "man stuff" lol together but he forgets how easily a lil ones heart can be broken when they arent included.  He wanted to run by himself and I said uh no.... YOU can take him.  I recently lost my job so Im with him 24/7 and mommies need a break too lol. 

Ciressa - posted on 05/31/2009

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My husband was the same way. I got pregnant when we were both young, and not married. He was always used to his freedom, and I always let him have it. Finally it got to the point where I felt like it was no use to try to make him be involved, and make him understand that it needs to be family first. For 6 years we went through this. Finally I just started reassuring him, that he was a good dad, and that he could do things with our kids, and still have fun. Kids can actually make things more fun. I started with things like, if he was going to go to the store, or make a quick run to a friends house, I would suggest for him to take one of them with him; he quickly found out that it was easier than he thought, and the love and affection that my children had for him quickly grew to where he noticed just how important he was to them, and how important it is for them to have him in their lives. What works for one, doesnt always work for another. We also started having a day that was just for us (mom and dad), a day for mom and the kids, and a day for dad and the kids, that way we all got our "breaks" and it really helps. Your right though, kids dont just go away, all we can do is make the best and try to figure out what we can do to make it easier for everyone in the meantime. I have found that he does need alot of reassurance though, like he needs to know that hes needed, does that even make sense? Anyways I dont think theres anything you can do to "make" him understand, but maybe you can "help" him to understand. Can I ask how old he is?

Jill - posted on 05/30/2009

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My brother and his ex went through the same situation, he needs to realize that if he is going to be a part of your life and your son's life that whether he likes it or not he is a role model for your son and that if he wants to be with you he needs to make a committment to you and your son. Kids are 24/7. Granted we all need a break every once in awhile. When you have a child you have to put them first. If communication doesn't happen between you it will drive you apart. It did help my husband to spend time with other dads from church and have time he can just get away to do guy stuff. We will keep you in our prayers and remember communication is the key.

Nel - posted on 05/30/2009

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Does he know any other dads at all in your group of friends? I felt that perhaps seeing other guys being dads might help him realise its a selfless thing (my husband is much better when around other dads) there are also some articles on website such as babycentre.com.au which may give you some more advice!

I have to say my husband is the same, needs time to hisself and doesnt understand that its not that easy.... I hope he becomes more understanding soon :)

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