How do handle tantrums? Time out does not work :(

Cheryl - posted on 11/21/2008 ( 18 moms have responded )

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My son has a really bad temper and if things don't go his way be starts screaming and shouting. I have tried time out, but that doesnt work, ignoring him just aggrivates the situation as he ends up throwing things or breaking things. He used to bang his head on the floor but thatnk goodness that has stopped. He is turning 4 in January.

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Colleen - posted on 11/21/2008

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If the tantrums are that severe you may want to consult a doctor to see if there is an underlying medical condition. Tantrums that severe are unusual.

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Stephanie - posted on 01/12/2014

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Do a behavior chart every time he behaves he gets a sticker on the chart when he doesnt he gets a 4 min on the time out chair let him cry ignore the screaming until the 4 mins are up when his time is up get on his level and explain to him does he know why he was in time out chair if he doesnt explain and tell him you still love him but time outs are nessecary

Antonia - posted on 11/25/2008

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I have worked in a daycare centre is Australia for a couple of years and have children in our care that can be very hard to handle. This is a "Complienece Routine" that proved very helpful for us. Good luck!



Ask Child to complete task

“Jesse put your shoes away, please”



IF CHILD COMPLIES

Praise child

“Well done Jesse! Thank you for putting your shoes away.”



IF CHILD DOES NOT COMPLY

Wait for 5 seconds and ask child to complete the task again

“Jesse, put your shoes away , please”



IF CHILD COMPLIES

Praise child

“Well done Jesse! Thank you for putting your shoes away.”



IF CHILD DOES NOT COMPLY

Wait for 5 seconds and ask your child to complete the task again

“Jesse, put your shoes away, please.”



IF CHILD COMPLIES

Praise child

“Well done Jesse! Thank you for putting your shoes away.”



IF CHILD DOES NOT COMPLY

Get down to child’s level and have them face you. Explain the situation to the child clearly, and sit child on a chair and leave.

“Jesse, I have asked you to put your shoes away twice and you have not done that. That means you need to sit on this chair for 4 minutes.”



AFTER NON-COMPLIENCE

Walk over to child and tell them why they were on the chair and ask them to apologise. Then ask the child to complete task again.

“Jesse, you were on this chair because I asked you to put your shoes away and you did not. You need to apologise, and you need to put your shoes away please”



ROUTINE NOW BEGINS AGAIN FROM THE TOP



With this routine it is important that if the child does not comply, you make sure to ask the EXACT same thing of them in the same words. Don’t overload them with several questions.

If you get to the stage of ‘Time Out” ensure that you are clear with your instruction and DO NOT engage child in conversation while in time out- ignore them. If child gets up off chair, walk over to the child and take them back to the chair in silence. Also if you are finding that the child WILL NOT STAY on the chair and you are getting weary of walking back and forth to get them, you can stand behind the chair, this often makes the child think twice about leaving, or if worst comes to worst, hold childs shoulders, as gently as possible- child will hate this, but learn that you will not give in ( also good if the child starts to hit out at you, but mind you keep your head as far away as possible so you don’t get head-butted)

Keep the child sitting on the chair for 1 minute for each year of his age.

E.g. 4 yr-old= 4 minutes on chair

DO NOT GIVE EYE CONTACT at any stage.

Cheryl - posted on 11/24/2008

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LOL! A manual would definately help! Ian and I have considered taking him to a specialist, but they are just so expensive - and we really don't have that kind of money now :( The Chemsit suggested herbal remedies like 'Quietude" its like a calming thing... what do you think?

Michelle - posted on 11/24/2008

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I also tryed time out, disdrations and even tantrums myself all with no sucsess why don't kids come with manual's it would make life so much more easier !!!

Michelle - posted on 11/24/2008

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Snap i had the same with my eldest boy who's now 6 and still has a short fuse and always in the afternoon he's tiered and very moody and can be very violet. After 3 years of nagging with the consultants at the hospital they finaly said that he gets exessive tierdness and day-time solemnce which in english mean's ( mild narclepse ) and having speach problems as well makes it more frustrating for him so now he goes to a brilliant specail needs school that help and understand him and when he come's home from school he goes to sleep for an hour and cope's alott better with his temper.

Samantha - posted on 11/24/2008

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i agree that maybe you should see a specialist. when my brother was small he would have very bad temper tantrums. a few times we had to bring him to hospital as he hurt himself. once he punched a clock that was on the fireplace and had to have stiches. he was only four. when he was six, he was diagnosed with a.d.h.d. and he was put on tablets. it did calm him down and although he still had tantrums, he got over them very quickly and he didnt have them as often. i hope this helps and i wish you the best of luck. be strong!! samanthaxxxx

Tara - posted on 11/24/2008

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As a day care provider we use the 123 magic method.... thay have a book out and also a dvd to watch...... it has helped leaps and bounds with ALL of the kiddos........ Hope this helps

Tara

Ari - posted on 11/24/2008

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You probably want to check with a doctor. Maybe a child psychologist and they could probably figure out the underlying issue. My step-son is 7 and when he was 6 he used to tantrum, scream and break things for over an hour...now they have him on a medication that helps control those outbursts and it has helped a lot!

Cheryl - posted on 11/23/2008

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Thank you all so much for you help! It makes it a little easier knowing that there are others out there that can help :) I feel like this past weekend we had a little break through because we did not have a single tantrum session! This is amazing considering that tantrums were occuring about 3 - 4 times a day! I have tried the distracting thing and that really seems to be doing the trick! Thanks so much again for all the advice - you guys are wonderful!

Jessica - posted on 11/21/2008

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Hey Cheryl- my son is 2 and he started banging his head on things when he was about 1 1/2. Now he throws things, kicks, screams, and spits on me. I have found nothing that works, but I have started ignoring his tantrums and the tantrums have became shorter. It seemed like the more attention I gave him whether it be time-out or even talking to him it just made it worse. I also found that he usually does this more when he is tired or if he has had something sweet. And I have found that anything with red dye makes him act this way. Red juice, red candy, whatever it may be. I dont know why but for some reason it makes Aiden act up. Good Luck!!!!

Patricia - posted on 11/21/2008

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Spanking is what worked for me. She is 2 1/2 and has very few tantrums anymore. Like Jennifer said, you don't have to do it super hard, but get their attention. If you don't want to do that, you could try taking away his favorite things...especially if it is causing the tantrum. Get his favorite toy etc and tell him that until he can act like a big boy, he doesn't get it back.

Jennifer - posted on 11/21/2008

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I used to put my child out on the front steps of my house until she calmed down. I told her that if she could not do what I asked her to do then she could sit outside and find something else to do. Sounds harsh but it worked. I know that most parents are opposed to this, but a good old fashioned spanking will work. You don't have to do it hard. Just enough to get his attention.

Cheryl - posted on 11/21/2008

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Thanks Colleen. The thing is, Gareth can scream and shout for hours literally! I just get so frustrated that there are times that i feel like throwing him away. I know that sounds awful, but its true. I have recieved calls from his teacher at school asking me what she should do as nothing they have tried has worked. I don't even go near a shop with him because I know that that is just asking for trouble! I guess the only real thing I can do is leave him to do his thing... ? Am definately going to try the 'alongside' trantrum thing - I am sure that Gareth will get the fright of his life if his mom had to start throwing a tantrum :)

Colleen - posted on 11/21/2008

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The time out system was actually started more for the parents. The idea was that child abuse would go down with time out. Child time out doesn't really work for them at all but if you need to it is ok to take a mommy time out. Go in your room and close the door for a few minutes if you need a slight break. But do make sure there is nothing harmful he can get to during your time out.

Colleen - posted on 11/21/2008

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One of the things you could try is distracting him with a different activity. If his temper flares up do not give into his demands until he has calmed down and let him know that as soon as he calms down you will be willing to listen to what he needs. One last thing that I tried was throwing a tantrum right along with him. I got down on the floor and kicked and screamed just like he did. He stopped throwing his tantrum to see what was wrong with me. That is not really a permenant fix but in times of pulling your hair out it could work and give you both a good laugh.

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