
Kayly - posted on 11/01/2010 ( 110 moms have responded )
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So me and my fiancee both work full time jobs. He works 4 ten hour days and i work 5 8 hour days. i work 8-5 and he works 4pm-2am. He expects me to take care of our son, clean the house, do his laundry and mine and our sons, and pick up after him.......I dont mind picking up the house but im talking about a full CLEANING like every other day! He leaves his dishes out on the table, his dirty clothes all over the floor of our bedroom and bathroom and his dishes with food still on them on the counters. Then he gets mad when i complain about having to clean! He thinks its absolutely INSANE for him to help me. Hes home saturday, sunday, and monday and doesnt do anything except hunt or fish. Today our babysitter was sick and couldnt watch our son so he had to and he threw a fit. He told me that i need to either clean the house or move out. He said my stuff is already packed and that if i wouldnt clean the house today that he would find somebody better than me to do it. He also told me that he was going to bring our son up here (to my work) and drop him off with me because he has things he has to do. Theres no way i can do all this and work. By the end of the day, im exhausted. I wouldnt mind doing a "pick up" everyday but not a FULL ON cleaning. What should i do? Should i just leave?
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Carolyn - posted on 11/01/2010
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wow is really all i can say. i think it would be hard for anyone to suggest you stay or leave that ultimately is up to you.
have you tried telling him how you feel? his behaviour and expectations are absurd in my opinion. if that were my husband, there would be hell to pay.
You shouldnt have to deal with his attitude of " do it, or ill find someone else who will" this day in age, i bid him good luck on that, not too many women will put up with that kind of bullshit. maybe turn the tables on him, help out or youll find someone who will ? see how he likes that ultimatum. im a firm beleiver of giving them a taste of their own medicine.
personally i wouldnt tolerate that bullshit and his shit would be packed on the lawn and the locks changed by the time he got home from work or fishing. if he doesnt like it , he can go...
stand firm in your needs and express yourself how ever you choose. you have a right to be respected and helped in the life you both chose by having a baby.
Carolyn - posted on 11/01/2010
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hmm i would look into common law marriages, and rights. if you are techinically married in the eyes of the law, then half that home should be yours, his name only on it or not.
you could always call his, bluff, and leave for a bit. pack up and go stay with a family member or friend.
sounds like just an immature momma's boy who has never had to be a man. ( not to pick on him , just my opinion).
definitely sounds like emotional abuse and definitely using your relationship as a weapon.
from my own experience, dont stay somewhere out of fear of change or your ability to make it on your own. you are already doing everything as it is, so really it would be no different. I stayed in a horrible relationship for years because i didnt know if i could make it on my own ( although i wasnt a mom yet) but you definitely can ! might mean a few lifestyle changes like hair dye from a box instead of a salon, and Kraft dinner 2 nights a week instead 1 but , if you can give birth, care for a child, work, clean and put up with his shit, you can certainly do it all without be harrassed and put down. and youll probably have alot less cleaning to do without his shit laying all over the place !
what ever you do , i hope it all works out for you. But dont ever tell yourself you are not strong enough to do it on your own, change is scary but it is amazing at the same time !
Christina - posted on 11/09/2010
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I'm not going to tell you to stay or go, but I will tell you that no woman should have to be treated like that. You work hard and a relationship is about compromising. It seems like you and your son are an inconvience to him. It sounds like he needs to get his priorities straight before you two think about marriage.
I've been in a relationship like you and stayed for five years before I finally said I can't do it anymore. I was expected to have supper on the table, the house cleaned, and to take care of our son. I lost my job from having to call in sick all the time to take care of our child, while my fiance was out having fun. It's not a healthy relationship to have. I loved him, but was too afraid to leave. I didn't think I could make it on my own and I didn't think I had anyone to help me. I was scared about money and how I would afford raising a kid on my own. So I stayed. I dealt with the emotional abuse and stress. Finally one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I was sick of crying all the time, sick of the hurt, and decided my son was more important. I left and I managed on my own. I moved in with family and found that I had a stronger support system than I thought.
I look back now and wonder why I didn't leave earlier. My life is great now and it has been five years since I left. I think it was a wake up call for my ex too and he's straightened his life out more. I've since gotten married and had two other kids. My husband now is great and my son is happy too. This choice is up to you, but know that it can be done. Know that you aren't alone and that you shouldn't have to go through this. There is no excuse or reason you should be treated like this. You aren' t his maid, the babysitter, or his mother. You will be his wife and he needs to help out. Being a family is number one and showing that to your son should be number one to your fiance. You don't want to raise your son thinking that this is how he should treat women. My vote is to see if you can leave for a weekend and see how he handles coming home to an empty house and you not being there to pick up after him. I got the "I will change" promise all the time too and nothing happened. See what he does being on his own and maybe that will be an eye opener for him or maybe for you as well. Good luck!!
Kimisha - posted on 11/09/2010
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Honey my husband rarely worked and he did the same to me and he was very verbally abusive. Safe to say I am living on my own and as happy as can be. I clean when I want to and it stays clean for the most part. Now he cries every time I see him that he wants to make it work.
As long as they can get away with doing it to you, they will!
Ashley - posted on 11/01/2010
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Put all his crap in a garbage bag dirty dishes, cloths everything he leaves around and put it on the door step and tell him to go live with his mom since he cant grow up. Sory might be harsh but seriously he sounds like a spoiled little shit.