How do I get my baby OUT of my bed and back in her own bed??

Kim - posted on 09/04/2009 ( 48 moms have responded )

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My almost 9 month old baby girl has started sleeping in bed with us. She was doing really well at sleeping through the night in her crib until some heavy teething and a cold pulled at the sympathy strings and I let her sleep with us for a few nights. Now, I get her to sleep, lay her down in her crib and within an hour (sometimes 30 or 45 minutes) she's awake and crying. I've tried leaving her in her crib and singing her back to sleep or turning hte mobile on and it buys me only another hour or less before we're at it again. I've laid her down with a bottle (which I remove when she's finished with it, of course), with a pacifier, with my pillow case on her pillow so it smells like me...eveything I can think of and still, she only makes that first hour or less. Needless to say, after 4 or so hours of this I give in and bring her to bed with me so that I can get a litle sleep. Oh man, I just don't know what to do!!

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Amanda - posted on 09/08/2009

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Hi Kim!

I went through the same thing with my son when he was younger, he got sick and my hubby and i kept him in bed with us and he got use to it and then we had to try to get him in his bed through the night. We had talked to his doctor about what to do and she said when he starts crying check him to make sure hes dry and reassure him everything is ok and then we had to let him cry. It was the hardest thing i ever had to do it broke my heart but deep down i knew it was for him. The frist night he cried for 45mins, the next night was 30 mins the next was 15 and then it got shorter and shorter and he finally gave up and got the point that he was no longer able to sleep in mommy and daddy's bed anymore and that crying wasnt gonna get him his own way. You have to stay strong. The doctor said him crying for that long would not hurt him. He's been sleeping in his bed ever since. I hope i was of help to you and good luck with everything.

Beth - posted on 09/05/2009

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I'm not one to let my child scream at bedtime (She is not the type to calm down on her own, she just gets more upset from it.) So I slept many of nights on my daughter's floor to get her used to her room. I think once she became comfortable in her room it wasn't such a big deal to her. I did have to stay there all night for the first couple of nights so bring pillows and a blanket. It's a lot better than having to get up every couple of hours. But I have to say having a set bedtime routine made a world of difference.

ELIZABETH - posted on 09/04/2009

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U R GONNA HAVE TO DO SOMIN THAT WILL BE VERY HARD ON U BUT IT WORKS I DID IT, AT HER BEDTIME MAKE SURE SHE IS DRY,FED AND ALL FINE PUT HER IN HER BED AND WALK AWAY SHE WILL CRY ANS IT WILL BE VERY HARD ON U TO WANNA GO BACK BUT DONT IF U KNO SHES OK AND AFTER THREE DAYS OF STAYIN CONSTANT MY SON WAS BACK IN HIS BED NO PROB!! AND WHEN SHE SEES U WONT GIVE IN IT WILL STOP!

Karen - posted on 09/05/2009

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At nine months children get to know who is boss...unfortunately your child feels she is!! This is a common mistake that we as sweet mommies make but however i have been a nanny for over 10 years...and have dealt with this as well as many other issues...and so here is what i say to do or at least try....when giving the bottle hold her talk to her or even read a book (all depends on the intrest of the child) this way she feels comfortable and safe...then once the bottle is gone and you have held her the whole time then put her in her bed....now if she wakes up then you leave her...let her cry it out..after a night of that she will understand she is not the one to make the rules. Trust me it works

[deleted account]

i hate to say it...and i hate that we have to do it as well. I love it when my daughter sleeps with us.

but yea..your gunna have to let her just cry. i hate it, i hate it with every ounce of my soul. but....thats whats going to have to happen in order for her to get the idea she has to sleep in her bed.

Do check on her from time to time though, itll help ease your heart lol and if it gets to screetching mode ,defiantly go check on her. but don't budge on the fact she has to sleep in her bed.
Ever watch nanny 911? they deal with this constantly..and every time its just put them back to bed no matter how many times it takes. Eventually they will get the point and never give in, cause they will remember it and know that if they scream and cry long enough they will get their way.

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Laura - posted on 09/09/2009

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ahhh I had this. From a very early age when i discovered that putting my son into bed with me at 2am instead of feeding him milk would magically make him sleep very deeply all night and well into the morning!



I put him in the cot in his own room to sleep, when he cried i stroked his head briefly and checked he had a dummy and muslim cloth and then left when he was quiet. Didn't speak at all and repeat if he cried again and he is now sleeping in the cot all night.



Alternatively; a bath with 'baby bathtime milk' from Akamuti followed by a massage and cow and gate 'good night milk' usually knocks mine out solid and he's fast asleep before i've got him up the stairs! Johnsons bedtime bedtime bath and lotion is good too but it gave Aiden a rash after a while.

xxx

Erica - posted on 09/08/2009

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i had the same trouble with my now two year old at that age. he got sick and i let him sleep with me, a few days went by and then a month and then we were looking at his first birthday, also i was a single mom and it comforted me to have him but when my mom found out she said i had to make him go to bed in his own room, so i used a method that my mom told me to help him and me get threw it, put her to bed walk out and dont look back, let her cry for 10 min, go comfort her but do not take her out of her bed, continue this till the gap is gone and she is asleep it might take her a few nights to get it but you dont feel like you have just abondend her, she wont remember you did it but youll get your bed back soon, good luck!!!

Ally - posted on 09/08/2009

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i breast fed my daughter for 22months n slept in bed till then, i just gave her my old bed and she has slept there since she is nearly 5. my son on the other hand easy i just put him in his cot after 3months n ez bn fine even better when i put him in own double bed too.

User - posted on 09/08/2009

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my son is 2 now and i had the same thing, coz im a single mum i just ended up givein in all the time coz i was so tired, in the end i got him a single bed and put a safty side at the bed and he so much better, hes bin in his own bed from bein about 1, he never liked his cot. he sumtimes gets out now bt mostly sleeps thro. good luck wat ever u do, i no its hard work,

Melissa - posted on 09/08/2009

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Hi Kim! I have recently gone through the same thing with my 6 month old twins. One sleeps great, and the other...not so great! lol. Like you, it started with teething pain and a cold that got him into our bed, and then he would not leave! I spoke to the doctor and she told me it was time for "sleep training". In order for it to work though you have to be consistent. It involves letting the baby cry itself to sleep, which is SOO HARD, but it does work. The first night Andrew cried for an hour and a half, the second it was a half hour and the third it was only 15 minutes. He will occasionally wake up and make a little noise, but he falls right back to sleep on his own. It is OK to go into the baby's room and let them know you are there, but do not pick them up! It takes a lot of patience, but you will be glad you did it when you have your bed back! I hope this helps, good luck and God bless!

Melissa - posted on 09/08/2009

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Hi Kim! I have recently gone through the same thing with my 6 month old twins. One sleeps great, and the other...not so great! lol. Like you, it started with teething pain and a cold that got him into our bed, and then he would not leave! I spoke to the doctor and she told me it was time for "sleep training". In order for it to work though you have to be consistent. It involves letting the baby cry itself to sleep, which is SOO HARD, but it does work. The first night Andrew cried for an hour and a half, the second it was a half hour and the third it was only 15 minutes. He will occasionally wake up and make a little noise, but he falls right back to sleep on his own. It is OK to go into the baby's room and let them know you are there, but do not pick them up! It takes a lot of patience, but you will be glad you did it when you have your bed back! I hope this helps, good luck and God bless!

Heather - posted on 09/08/2009

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its gonna be harder on you then her but just keep puttin her in her own bed, she may cry and scream for a little while but eventually she will get the hint and just zonk out, i never had that problem, but i watch that supernanny show and that is what Jo does she keeps puttin the kids back in their own beds, plus if you don't do it now and get her in her own bed she'll be sleepin with you until she is 7 or older.

Brandi - posted on 09/08/2009

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the hardest thing to do but it will be the only thing to work! let her cry! she will eventually realize that you aren't going to go get her and she will go to sleep. but until you do this she will know that if she crys you will put her in bed with you, and she will continue to do it! but you gotta do it while sh is young because i didnt and mine slept with me until he was 4 yrs old.

Cheryl - posted on 09/07/2009

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try wrapping her up or find something that will comfort her or just leave her there (i know its mean) until she gets it!

Jessica - posted on 09/07/2009

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my son use to do that but i moved his crib so that way he could see my husband and I's room- sometimes if they can see you they feel safer- hope something works

Michelle - posted on 09/07/2009

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I'm having the same problem with my baby girl, she's almost 7 mths. But I don't have the heart to try the cry it out method though. I think her problem is she's way too and active when she's sleeping and the crib is too restrictive. She moves around a lot on the bed and i usually get hit and kicked in my face lol

Liz - posted on 09/07/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

Pick her up and put her back in her bed over and over and over til she gets it. It will happen.



This...but dont put her in your bed to begin with.



 



Persistance will pay off.



 



And do it now. I had a hell of a time with this issue and my 3 year old. It's worse the longer you let them get away with it.

Ryann - posted on 09/07/2009

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I had the same problem with my daughter. The only thing that worked was just letting her cry it out. The first two nights were awful and she cried for two hours straight but after about a week she understood that i wast coming back in the room to pick her up and she now sleeps 13 hours straight all by herself.

Kimberely - posted on 09/07/2009

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My little girl was sleeping with me for a while and i just got her back in her crib. I started to have her still sleep with me but she slept ontop of the covers with her own blankets and slowly moved her further away from me so there was no cuddles or physical contact and then I started to move her to her crib when she was asleep and eventually i was able to just put her down in her own bed.

Anastacia - posted on 09/06/2009

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OK. I have three children 4, 18 months, and two months. My first son had no problems sleeping in his crib form day one but i did have the bad habit of when he awoke in the middle of the night i would lay down in bed or on the couch to feed him because i was so tired, So as soon as we got him his toddler bed at two when he woke up in the middle of the night he would come crawl into bed with me. I never had a problem with it and hated the whole put them in there and let them cry thing. It rips my heart out and then i start crying. My husband had a big problem with it saying the kid is going to be nine and still sleeping in out bed. blah blah blah. i believe in co sleeping. it strengthens your bond with your child and i love it. But the problem was with my second son. He has never until a month ago slept in his crib. He was a very fussy baby and still is crabby most of the time, but it would take alot of rocking, patting and bouncing. So after he turned one he would sleep on a comforter folded up on the floor next to the bed. That worked for a while until he would wake up and start getting into every thing. He still doesnt sleep threw they night. We just had a baby and she is the best baby right now. She is the only one that i haven't had to sleep with. Only two months old and she already sleeps threw the night. I dont know if this will help any but..... thought i would share. :O)

Casey - posted on 09/06/2009

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Maybe let her cry for 15 mins, she has an internal clock and knows when your 5 mins is. Good luck with it, id love to hear your outcome.. :)

Tiffany - posted on 09/06/2009

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as horrible as it will be you have to just keep putting her back in her bed everytime she wakes up. My oldest started doing that when she was about a yr an a half, she would sneak into my bed in the middle of the night. So I made my husband put her back. since she wanted me, the easiest thing was to give her him instead. good luck

Chelsy - posted on 09/06/2009

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if it helps my son is turning three and is still sleeping in bed with me and i have tried absolutely everything he starts out in his own room that i decotated in all disney cars becasue thats what he wanted and i kinda bribe him tell him if you don't sleep in your beg boy bed all night mommy is going to throw away all your cars stuff away and he tells me no mommy i like my cars stuff ill sleep in my bed sure enough come about 5-6 in the morning he comes walking in my room and say's mommy throw my cars stuff away and tries climbing in bed with me.so i bring him back in his room cause he usually doesn't wake up till 8 or so.but when he was younger it didn't watter what i did he would not sleep in his room at all no mattter what i did i stuck it out for 2 weeks and he still didn't get it and i was persistant but it didn't work with my son he just slowly started getting better as he got older and us just talking with him and explaining to him that that is mommy and daddy's room and this is your room. But breaking a child of sleeping habits is not easy but find something that you think works and stick with it. Making sure she sleeps in her own bed for naps is a great place to start. Good luck

Casey - posted on 09/06/2009

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Talk to her JUST before she goes to bed explaining to little miss, its time for her to sleep in her own bed now.. And say goodnight. I agree with jamie massie, its over and over that is the key... After the third time of going in to comfort her, dont say anything to her, lay her down etc and walk out.. YOU MUST continue to do this for hours, days, and 2 weeks if you must ( i bloody doubt it will be that long lol ) Its learnt behaviour, and it sucks. Im telling you because i just went through this with my daughter.... Frustrated the hell outta me and i kept folding, letting her in our bed. im 8 weeks pregnant, im extremely tired and drained and just had enough mate. I just kept getting out of bed, repeating the same thing over and over with her, and in 4 days shes been asleep at the latest 10pm, and wakes up at 6-7am. TIRING AT THE START, BUT ITS WORTH IT, i get to relax with my husband to be in Feb, with no hassle and am going to enjoy my pregnancy without Brooke crying all night... :)

If you dont stop it now, look forward to it getting ALOT worse, tough it out Kim, you can do it, and the night YOU finally sleep through, you'll see a couple of sleepless nights to get it all back to normal was worth it.. GOODLUCK :)

Trista - posted on 09/05/2009

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start a routine with her, give her a bath, bottle, read to her then just before bed play some soft music.

Hope - posted on 09/05/2009

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Quoting Carolina:

When you find out would you let me know. My daughter is 4 and i have tried everything. she shays my bed is better than hers. It is so hard because she is my baby girl and she sleeps holding my hand, so i really understand.



now i dont really know from experience on this one cause my daughters only 7 mths but i seen on the show super nanny. that if you take your daughter to her bed give her lovings, read her a book. or whatever your routine is for bedtime. well do all that then turn of the light and sit with the door cracked and you sit facing the door with your back towards the bed. then everytime she gets out of bed the first time you tell her no its bedtime and you need to be a big girl and sleep in your own bed. and put her back into her bed and go back to your sitting spot  then everytime she gets up after that you dont say anything and just put her back to bed. now this could take up to a couple of hours but sooner or later she will go to bed and fall asleep. just be consistent and when she falls asleep you can go to bed yourself. just remeber after the first time you put her back to bed you cant say a word to her after that i know it will be hard and very tiring but you can do it...Good Luck let me know if this helps 

Hope - posted on 09/05/2009

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i had this same problem with my baby. i asked my doctor they always have good solutions but mine said you put them in there crib when they are awake when it is time for bed. and you let them cry for 15 mins.(make sure there is nothing in the crib with her you can cover her up when she falls asleep) then after 15 mins of crying you go in and check on her DO NOT PICK HER UP but you can pat her bottom for a few seconds. then you leave her for 20 mins. then every 20 mins after that you go and check on her and this could last up to 2 hrs. But make sure you DO NOT pick her up and that when you put her to bed that she is awake but sleeping of course. now you need to do this every night and at nap times and you will soon seen that the times go down each time and sooner or later you will notice that she goes right to sleep. worked for my daughter in one week. but make sure you are consistent. and if she does wake up after an hour or so you can pick her up then make sure she is ok not dirty or hungry and if not then do not take her out of her room just put her back in bed and do it all over again. you might have a few sleepless nights but it really works..

Carolina - posted on 09/05/2009

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When you find out would you let me know. My daughter is 4 and i have tried everything. she shays my bed is better than hers. It is so hard because she is my baby girl and she sleeps holding my hand, so i really understand.

Cherise - posted on 09/05/2009

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When it is bed time make sure all her needs are meet & then you are going to have to put her in her crib & let her cry (very hard to do) after a few nights she will get it. Good luck.

Lashandra - posted on 09/05/2009

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This is a good question...I walk my son back to his bed quietly when he comes back in my room. I just can't get him to say sleep through the night without waking period. He's about to be 2!! His doctor says just stick it out with the same routine and be consistant.

Charley - posted on 09/05/2009

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I used the Ferber Method on my babygirl at 7 months, after my husband left for Iraq. I figured that If I want everything to work out when he gets home I need to move her butt asap and get her in her own groove. So the first night fed her, gave her a nice bath, and put her right in her bed, with a sippy cup of water and turned on her Baby Einstein Sea Dreams Lullaby Soother. All of this she is wide awake.....she screamed for three hours. I was dying inside and smoked a whole pack in those hours(good advice in doing this have a friend you can call to soothe you) anyways she feel asleep. Second night same routine and only one hour of screaming, and ever since then I put her in her bed and she knows she has to sleep. It's been the best thing for me.....Trust me the first time is the worst and maybe the week after. You just have to be persistant. It teaches your child how to fall asleep on their own. On some kids it works and some it doesn't, I gave it a try and it did! Best parenting move yet! Good luck mama!

Beth - posted on 09/05/2009

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That's why I didn't do it with my daughter. You know your child best. Do what you think will work for you. Some children may do things for a sense of self establishment, others are just emotional and need you to encourage them in a different way. If I use the alpha female approach toward my daughter she will resist the situation even more, but if I explain things calmly or am more emotionally understanding to the situation she mirrors my reaction and calms down as well. Children feed off of their emotional surroundings and learn from your behaviors. Like I said, you know your child the best and you will pick whats right for you & yours.

Kim - posted on 09/05/2009

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I just don't think I can let her cry like that, and I'm not sure she will end up calming herself down. I have tried to let her cry a little: I look at the clock when she starts to cry and give her 5 minutes- if she's not at least starting to calm down (meaning she is continuing to get more upset), I go in to get her. What if she doesn't calm down, even I wait longer? It seems cruel to let her cry herself into exhaustion as a means of getting her to sleep.

Atiya - posted on 09/05/2009

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one more idea put her bed in ur room right next to ur bed when she wakes up she will see you and go back to sleep i did that with my daughter it worked.

Atiya - posted on 09/05/2009

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First things first you gotta be strong. start a bed time routine. and when its time for her to lay down dont hang around put her in the bed leave a crack i the door and walk away. she will cry and i mean cry but u gotta be strong and know that it will get better. like my mother always said if she is crying that means she is still breathing so she's ok. sound bad but i live by those words now.

[deleted account]

I had the same thing happen with my Son. Wish I had advice but we were never able to get him to sleep in his crib again. We tried the Ferber method, the cry it out method (I TOTALLY agree with Emeli 3hrs + and you just have to let it go it's so cruel), everything you have tried. He hit the crib mattress and BOOM he was wide awake instantly.



In the end he slept with us until he was 14 months then moved straight onto a single mattress on the floor. He's had no problem with that oddly enough. We have a baby gate in the doorway so he can walk around his room and play until he's ready to go back to sleep if he wakes up in the night. It's a shame your child is only 9 months or I would really recomend that.



Try your best, just know that if she does end up sleeping with you for a couple months till she is more secure it isn't the end of the world. Our Son is happy as a clam and sleeps through the night in his big boy bed now without issues even though he spend almost every night from 6-14months in bed with us.

Ashley - posted on 09/04/2009

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Whatever you do be consitant with it. Try researching the super nanny night time thing she does, it worked for my daughter.

Emeli - posted on 09/04/2009

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I hate to say it but when my daughter was 6 months old she had something call severe night time seperation anxiety. The second i would get her to sleep and lay her down she was right back up screaming her head off. I was one of those never sleep with your baby people~ But that all changed! After being awake for hours with her I got fed up and put her in bed with me.. The kid slept through the night! I'm not sure of anyways to get your baby out of your bed... Shoot my daughter is 3.5 years old and is still in my bed.. I just wanted to right one here and say that your not alone.. I have tried all kinds of things, but nothing has worked.. You have to do what is best for your little one and remember what is right for one kid may not be right for yours! Good Luck!

Leslie - posted on 09/04/2009

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It sounds like you just need to retrain her. If she was doing just fine before it means she is capable of sleeping in her crib and is just having a hard time readjusting to the normal bedding situation. (Who doesn't want to be snuggled?) I would go with what some other moms said already; set a timer if you need to and reassure her that you're there and she is not alone. If she is sick or uncomfortable you will be able to tell and take care of that, but it's important to your relationship with your man and for yourself to get her back into her crib. I felt sympathy for my little guy when he was really little, but when he started to sleep through the night...it was time for me and my hubby to have our bedroom back. You could also do the gradual distance thing; use a pack and play to put her to bed at night in your room next to your bed and then gradually move it to the opposite corner of your room. That was the first thing we did when my son started sleeping through the night. We used a special cosleeper until he slept through the night for a month solid, then we converted it to the bassinet and moved him a little ways from the bed, then to the corner of the room and finally to his crib in his room. I'm proud to say he has wonderful sleep habits to this day and doesn't seem to feel slighted that he doesn't share my bed with me. (He is 21 months now and sleeps 11 hours a night with an additional 1 and a half to 2 hour nap during the day!)

Cherie - posted on 09/04/2009

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she may be scaring herself awake by havin a wee.. check if her nappy warm cause my nefew was having same problem but no suggestion on how to solve thus one,,sorryz!

Cherie - posted on 09/04/2009

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dont know whether this may work for an older bubz but i was told to put a small clock near my bubs bed as its tick reminds them of your heartbeat...but can only try!! Was meant to start this technique as a new born. also my sister started readin books to get them into the routine of understandin its bed time,,, but persistence persistence persistence

Anna - posted on 09/04/2009

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I love sleeping with my 9 month old - we have been doing it since birth and I find I get more sleep since I don't have to get out of bed in the night to change or feed him. There is heaps of evidence that it is really good for them to be close to you all the time. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk...
If she's teething she really needs you to comfort her. What we did to make the co-sleeping thing more comfortable was to turn the bed around so we sleep across it cross-wise and we added an extra small bed at the end to support our feed - now we have lots of room. Do you keep her cot right next to the bed so you can reach out and touch her at night to comfort her?

[deleted account]

my son, 19 months, sleeps in his own bed, but when he is sick, lets face it - he comes into mine. after a couple nights of this he thinks my bed is the place to sleep - and the training must begin again.

and yes - it sucks and is exhausting - but the "just keep putting them back in their own bed" method works. and one or two nights of little sleep is worth having the bed to your own for several months.

I hate hearing him scream, so i put a 5 minute timer up and go in and lay him back down every 5 minutes. knowing an "end" is in sight helps.

Alyssa - posted on 09/04/2009

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I am going through the same thing. My daughter is one and has slept with me and my fiance since she was six months old on and off. Now that we just got her a new crib we are trying to get her out of our bed completely. It is a big challenge. She will sleep in there for about four hours and then walks up screaming. I try to get her to go back in there after and she won't I don't have any tips because I am struggleing too. But I wanted to let you know I feel your pain and good luck!

Jennifer - posted on 09/04/2009

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I had the same problem with my youngest when he turned 2yrs. He'd come poke me in the head wanting in bed with me....eventually it got old cause I wanted to roll over and couldn't, so everytime he came and poked me in the head I took him back to his own bed an told him to go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. lol. He eventually got the idea and stopped buggin me and slept thru the night except when he had to go pee.......>.< lol

[deleted account]

My husband made me stay in our room while the kids cried at night because they just wanted to get out of bed. It only took one night and they realized they would be in their room. The best thing he ever did! Just be persistent and prepared to cry because it is not easy to hear the little ones upset when you can just give in and they will stop crying. Good luck and know that my kids are almost 4 and do not even try to come to our bed.

Jamie - posted on 09/04/2009

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Pick her up and put her back in her bed over and over and over til she gets it. It will happen.

Janice - posted on 09/04/2009

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Try the tips in The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly. It's very good and has some suggestions that might help you. Good luck!

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