How do I handle my daughters tantrums? HELP!!

Jennifer - posted on 12/17/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Before I begin here's a little background on our little family. My husband is never home during the week to see our daughter, he goes to work at 1:00 in the afternoon and doesn't get home until 9:30 or later, the kids go to bed between 8:30 and 9:00 everynight, so the only time she sees him is in the morning, when he gets her ready for the day. We also just had a baby back in May. So here it goes...My daughter is 3 (will be 4 in March). She is normally a very happy little girl, usually does what she's told, goes to bed when she's supposed to, eats really good. But here in the last week all of a sudden my sweet little girl is not so sweet anymore. It started last Sunday, when it was bedtime she screamed like someone was torturing her. Her daddy had to go sit in her room beside her bed with her until she fell asleep,same thing happened last night. Now during the week when daddy isn't home she goes to bed without a fight for me and we have no problems, she helps me around the house, she helps with her baby brother, and she's my sweet girl, but on the weekend when daddy is home she's almost unbearable. I'm not really sure what's going on and how to fix it. When she's in her little tantrum fits, I calmly carry her to her room, walk out and shut the door behind me and when she's done she comes out and all is okay, until the next tantrum. Mom's please help!!!

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Jennifer - posted on 12/17/2012

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Thank you Jackie! She does need more time with him and that's the conclusion we've come to, so we are trying a little harder to get her some extra time with him, like getting up a little earlier in the mornings and having him take her to school instead of me. This is a really tough time of the year to be dealing with this sort of thing because of the holiday's and just being busy in general. I assure her every day that daddy will be there in the morning to get her ready. She talks to him on the phone at least twice every day after school. She was the only child before the baby came. She's also a big time Daddy's girl, as most little girls are, I'm still a daddy's girl and I'm almost 27, so I get why she wants the attention from her daddy. I took a child psychology class in college and learned alot about a childs mind and how it works and what works best when they throw tantrums like she does. This morning my husband was putting her socks and shoes on her and she was screaming mad and throwing a fit. I was busy getting the little one dressed and I had to stop what I was doing to go put her in her room and shut the door. He just doesn't get that he's giving her negative attention and she knows that she can get that from him, even if it is negative, she doesnt care she's getting attention from him. We need to have a talk about it but it's difficult when he's always gone, and when he is home she's there. I know we will work this out, we've always gotten through her phases, but this is the worst yet. I just keep reminding myself, "God never gives you more than you can handle". I just have to learn how to handle it.

MommaD - posted on 12/17/2012

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In my opinion - I am getting a sense that your daughter is pulling these tantrums in order to get affection from her dad. Sounds kinda weird, I know. But I went through this once with my stepdaughter when I met her. One of the first few times I was out with my fiance at the time and his two kids, his daughter the older of the two, (about 4 at the time) threw these horrible tantrums. She did this because her daddy was spending a lot of time with me and not with her. She was ultimately trying to win over his affection, and she was worried that he wasn't going to be there any more and leave her for me at the time. My husband had to talk to her about what was going on and that he was going to be there no matter what, and it did help. The tantrums from her slowly went away the more she realized her dad was still going to be there. In your case, your daughter needs more attention from her daddy. She lets you know this by having these tantrums only when he's at home (and hoping the crying will gain his attention. Positive or not.) And in your daughter's case, having a new baby in the house probably is hard for her to adjust to as well. I assume she was an only child prior to that. My fix action would be to let daddy spend some more time with her and see if that helps. Dad should be reasurring her that he still loves her and will love her and her new brother just the same. And as far as the tantrums go and dealing with that I think taking her to her room until she's done crying is an excellent idea, and I honestly still do that with my children today. I hope this helps, or at least makes some sense. Good luck with your family :)

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