How Do I Handle This Problem?

Charlotte - posted on 08/23/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi. I'm having a bit of a hard time with my partner. We've been together over 7 years and now have a 3 month old daughter.

He's starting to make comments like "it doesn't feel like you love me anymore cos you hardly go near me, and when we go to bed all you do is turn your back on me and go to sleep". I've told him that it feels like all he wants from me is sex, so I don't feel like I can go near him without him wanting "it". I've said that sometimes all I want is just some contact, hugs, kisses and snuggles. He doesn't understand that this whole "parenthood" thing is pretty tiring. When he goes to work he seems to think that the baby sleeps and I do nothing.

Even when it's his day off I usually end up looking after her because when she cries he just tells her to shut up. We take it in turns as to who gets up with her in the night and I always end up having to take over from him because he gets annoyed with her.

I have no clue what to do.

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Elayna - posted on 08/23/2009

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The most important thing to remember with men is that their ego is very fragile and a huge part of their ego comes from sexual gratification. If you have a family member that lives near by and would be willing to take the baby for night, then use that night for you and your partner to share together. I promise that both of you will feel better. It will give him the reassurance that he is still desired by you and it will give you a good nights rest after "playtime" with your man.

On a day to day basis, give him a kiss/hug everytime he returns home. I know this seems like you are still doing all the work, and you are, but in the long run he will come around. Right now his frustrations as a man are being taken out on the baby because she has taken you away from him.

Try talking to him too. Always start by telling him you understand his frustrations and that it will get better, but only if the two of you work together. Besides, let him know that if he gives you a break here and there during the day then you would be more inclined to "help" him out at night.

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Constance - posted on 08/24/2009

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I understand Charlotte,

my fella thinks all our daughter and I do all day is sip latte's and skip around showing off. He has no idea what an energy consuming job something simple like going to the supermarket has become. Leave her with him for a day while you go out, then he might appreciate how hard you work. As for the sex- buy him a porno and tell him to 'get a grip' (literally) Why should you have sex when you dont feel like it?? One day youll have a couple of drinks or a nice dinner with him and feel like getting randy but until then its your body so you do what feels right xxxxx

Melissa - posted on 08/23/2009

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I feel you girl! My hubby doesn't get so frustrated with the baby, but we have definitely been struggling with sex stuff. I tell him that it is still uncomfortable to have sex and I am exhausted, but I do love him and understand his needs. I have tried to make an effort to at least please him and let him know that I am attracted to him. Your man probably feels left out, which is absolutely normal when you have a newborn. At this point the most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open. Give him space to tell you how he feels and let him know how you feel. I just keep reminding myself that it will get better and things will slowly start to feel more normal.

Betty - posted on 08/23/2009

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You need to find a way to juggle parenthood and married life. I know you might be tired but it only takes about five minutes to have sex and I know a lot of moms who spend more time than that at the gym every week.
Maybe you need to help your husband bond with the new baby so he will become more loving toward her. Have him play with her when she is in a good mood. That will help.

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