How Do I keep this baby?

Harper - posted on 10/11/2012 ( 40 moms have responded )

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I am so upset, I have a almost 2 year old son and have found out that we are expecting again in June 2013.



We are young. I am 18 going on 19 and my fiance is 19 going on 20.

Heres a bit of back story;



I am still living at home with my mother, 4 siblings, myself, fiance and our son in a 4/5 bedroom house.

My mother is very disappointed in us, It was one time and we screwed up.

We pay our way and are not on welfare, we have a car but still trying to get a driving permit (we have just been lazy about and catch buses)



I just want this to be a bad dream. We need to moved out if we have another, Im scared we wont be able to keep up with bills even though my fiance makes 27 a hour it only on call and there is never a set amount we recieve.



We supportour little family easily but we do rely on my mother for our washing and meals.



I'll be honest I am a lazy mother. I dont do our washing, do not cook often and I'm slow to do the housework or though I do take 100% care of my son.

I dont want an abortion or adoption I couldnt do it but I am prochoice. I need a hug! No one here will listen, my fiance is upset and my mother is angry.

Its keep it or magically miscarry. I have begged the heavens or whoever is up there to just give this chid to someone who will take better care of it.



Someone anyone give me some hope that I can pull this off and carry this child and be a good mom!!



I honestly want to die right now.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ashley - posted on 10/11/2012

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Sounds like your not ready. Forts of all, whether u keep the baby or not, you need to start doing the house work, washing ur little families clothes and cooking more so when u do move u will be able to do what is expected of you and your children wont live in a filthy house. You are 18 years old, with a child, almost 2 children...there is no reason you should not have your license, as well as your fiance. Sounds like he makes good money, so you should go get a little cheap 2 bedroom apartment or something you can afford. Theres alot of people at your moms and it is not her responsibility to cook and clean for you and the family you have started. You should have thought about all of this before getting pregnant a second time. Im not trying to be mean, just honest. I have been in your position...i got pregnant at 16, and my mom was wonderful...if not for her, i wouldnt have been able to do it. But when i got pregnant again at 18, while still living with mom, we all decided it was time to move out and realize what life really is. So me and my fiance got a town house. We were both working, until i got put on bedrest. We didnt have much money, but it was enough to pay our bills, feed our family and buy what the kids needed. Yea, we were broke all the time, but we had the neccessities. It will be hard, but you have to get on your own two feet. You may not have much money, but always remember your rent and utilities must be paid, there must be food on the table, and your kids must have what they need before all else. You will probly have to go without things you want, but thats life, and thats what happens when you have kids young. Welcome to the real world. If you cant do all of this, then maybe adoption is best for your unborn child. Good luck.

Amanda - posted on 10/13/2012

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Im sorry you are having to go through this. I have 2 children and i found out we were expecting our third I felt the sae way. We ended up losing our baby, depending on the state you live in you can get government assistance such food stamps, living assistance. Theres nothing negative about welfare, we were on it for a short period of time when we hit a rough patch. you can look into low income housing which your rent is based on how much you make. you cant be lazy anymore you two children to think about.



























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Tracy - posted on 10/12/2012

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I haven't read through all the other posts, but I skimmed a little. I'm sure you'll find a way to make things work. HOWEVER, what I wanted to address was you said you couldn't do adoption. I'm certainly not telling you what to do, only you know what is best for you. But my husband and I went through years of infertility. We talked a lot about adoption but couldn't afford it. My cousin and his wife are going through infertility also. They are, I believe, seeking to adopt. I just want you to think of the beautiful gift this COULD be to someone who is ready for a child but just don't have the option of having "their own". Again, you know what works for you, but if you are this upset about the pregnancy that you are wishing it would die (miscarry), maybe you could look at this as an opportunity to give the best gift anyone could ever give - the gift of a family - to a couple who lays at night crying that they don't have what you so desperately don't want.



I just want to offer perspective on a possibly great situation, should you decide it's an option for you. With love and hugs.

Raynal - posted on 10/12/2012

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Hey Harper. Clearly you don't need another person telling you what to do, but to offer advise about where to go from here. I am 25 with 3 children and a step daughter. My husband is also 25. If we can do it so can you. You have to know the strength of a mother. Yeah it's hard, yeah it's irritating, but as a woman you can do it and more. It is time for you to step up. Get yourself a part time job. Public assistance is there for a reason. Not to handicap you, to assist you. Get information for inexpensive or free daycare. It's offered to those making under 20,000 a year. Move out of your moms house because that is probably making it worst. On everyone. Look into public housing. And food stamps. God gave you this baby for a reason. Thank him and start taking steps to be independent. I'm saying this because that is what we did. We both worked full time minimum wage job. we received food stamps and although we didn't live in public housing but a few months but in that time we were able to save up enough money to move into a house and get two cars. we have both sound better job and when making a decent income of course we still have our struggles in time to time but with a much better place than we were before. you just have to make the effort to not want something better

Mary - posted on 10/11/2012

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You can do this, or God would not have given you these two precious children. The advice by a previous poster to sit down with your fiance and look at your finances and put together a plan is good. Perhaps your fiance could get a second job if he is not working a lot of hours at his current one. Did you breastfeed your first baby? Get in touch with your local La Leche League group so you will have a support system in place when the new one is born to help you succesfully breastfeed...that will save you A LOT of money, between cost of formula, and the baby being a lot healthier and not needing as much medical care, as breastfed babies don't get sick very much. Also, look into cloth diapers. There are a lot of really low-priced diapers. Look up Alva, Sunbaby, Kawaii (my favorites). These are all low-priced, and will fit baby up to 30+ pounds (you may need disposables until the belly-button heals, as they are somewhat big on a newborn.



You say you are lazy, but that is something that you are capable of changing. Once you get away from your mother's house, it may be easier to take responsibility for your own family. I used to be pretty lazy myself, wanting to sit around and read whenever I got the chance rather than cook or clean. When I was pregnant with my youngest, I told myself, this is not going to work when I have two kids, and I have got to change. So I did. I got myself in the habit of washing dishes and doing any laundry needing done EVERY DAY. It took a lot of pushing to get myself to do it, but I did it, and you can too.



Some of the previous posters have seemed pretty critical of you, but I want to encourage you that you can succeed. You are very young to have two children, but look at that as a good thing. You can probably round up a lot more energy than I can!

40 Comments

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Tracy - posted on 03/14/2013

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Hi sweetie.. There are many options.. read you message from me.. i totally understand where you are coming from and even have a home for you to stay in. just read the message and follow the instructions and i will help you..
i promise.


from an angel of God...

Megan - posted on 11/04/2012

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honestly i cant really say ive been in your shoes i live with my parents and im expecting my first but im also doing it alone with out the help of the father. So i would say look into adoption it isn't a bad thing i have thought of adoption a number of times through out my pregnancy and it might be whats best for you. Get information and do your research! Talk with a counselor if you have to and understand that you have the right in any way you want adoption to go down meaning an open adoption, semi open or closed. But if you are wanting to keep the baby then don't hide how you feel from the people around you! you might be surprised, but i suggest having some kind of plan on how to raise two kids on a low income. Like look into aid lower rent (sec 8), food stamps, going back to school, wic, medicaid ect. Sometimes its not bad to take advantage of those things till your on your feet! Just don't abuse the system like so many people do these days.

Jenni - posted on 11/04/2012

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@ Ashley Mcintosh. I said clean up after their mistakes and It was not directed at anybody. It was not judgemental, just a point of view over people who think no-one should ever make mistakes! As we are all human and make many mistakes!

Nancy - posted on 10/24/2012

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I was 19 went me and my husband found out we were prego with our first child we lived with his mom and dad. I thought I was not ready to be a mom but now he is 3 and my world. When he was 3 mths old we found out we were having another baby I was so scared because I just became a mom and now I was having another baby. I had thoughts of what if I'm a bad mom and can't take of 2 kids. My daughter was born 2 weeks befor my sons 1 birthday. Now my daughter is 2 and to top it off I have a 3 mth old also. It's a lot of work but my babies are my world. You just need to believe in your self and you will be a great mom. There is no shame getting help from the state. My husband works but my kids have Wic and its a huge help I will keep u and ur family in my thoughts. Just remember being a mom is hard work but it is so worth it.

Jamie - posted on 10/24/2012

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I was 22 when I had my daughter. Before I got pregnant I was into drugs n liked to party. I was down a bad path completely. When I was pregnant I can remember laying in bed crying thinking I'm no good for this child, this child deserves better, what can I offer. It's shocking for sure n reality is very scary. She is 7 in December n I can't imagine life without her. Best thing that ever happened.

Be strong n do what you have to do. For both your children n husband n finally yourself. You can't dwell on it but do what you have to do. Get in a routine in time for it to

Fall apart lol but you will be happier. I believe everything happens for a reason.

I wish you all the luck in the world. Be strong be healthy and be happy.

Ashley - posted on 10/23/2012

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I just read some of the posts on here and I just want to clear up that I was not being judgemental or rude. she asked for advice and I gave it to her. I would have no room to judge be ause as I said in my first post, I have been in her position, and I also had to grrow up and ttake care of my family on my own. I have been on welfaare before but we have done things to better our situation. And for the one who said we probably had someone there to wipe away our mistakes I would say you are the one being judgemental. We dont have anyone to fall ba k on or to pick us up when we fall we are on our own and have been since we moved out of my moms at 18. So that being said maybe you should stop judging people before you accuse others of judging.

Aimee - posted on 10/23/2012

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Wow quite a situation but i do feel years down the road you will look back and realize how God had a plan for you this whole time and put you in htis situation because you were perfect for this opportunity. Both of my kids are nothing but a blessing and I wouldn't change it for the world. It does sound like a tough situation to rely on your mom but I feel like you will end up moving out by once you get into the flow of things. Whatever choice you decide to make will be what is right for you and your children and you are their mom because you are capable of making the best decisions. Hang in there, if I learned anything in life it is that things seem so huge while your in the climb but then you look back and God had the happy ending mapped out you just couldn't see it until you get to the finish line.

Christina - posted on 10/23/2012

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I was in somewhat of the senario. My boyfriend and I both worked and went to school. I had my baby and kinda left it to my mom to rise. After awhile we realize WE had this child and we need to take care of her. We found a small apartment and saved on everything we could. When times got too hard we did apply for walfare but only when we needed it. The only way we gained independence is when we took control. You can keep that child and rise that baby how you want. You just gotta take control and stop being afraid. There will always be problems and issues but if you want something enough you gotta work for it.

Jeri - posted on 10/23/2012

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You r not ready, but to tell you the truth you are never ready for another baby! Be happy there are a lot of females who can't have children. But u do need to start taking care of your own family especially if you want to start gaining your mothers respect!

Kristie - posted on 10/22/2012

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Hug! Take a deep breath!! Jer 29:11 paraphrased God has a plan for you, plans to prosper and not harm you, plans for hope and a future!! I have been there. Terrified/Scared. Depressed. Angry at myself and others. I am on the other side of the shock, so have hope, you can be too. If you want to. There are many helps out there that make it possible. My area, has Akron Pregnancy Services....does yours? Pregnancy services that help you process the shock, offering support from an objective perspective and walk by your side thru all that you decide? I highly recommend finding that non judgemental support. They showed me in tangible ways; diapers, supplies, clothes, prayer, encouragement etc. that you can be the mom you are supposed to be of all the children God gives you!

Shannon - posted on 10/22/2012

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wow girl ill pray for you but there is a adoption agency were you can meet the family befor you let them go and also there is a place were they adopt your baby and you can still see the child and watch them grow up :) so that might be your best bet orrrr get on food stamps or wic or medicaid dont be ashamed to do those things you are doing what is best for your family to get the best health care and making sure that no one in your family will go to bed hungry !!! and also your husband pays taxes since he has a job so dont be ashamed to ask for help ! be strong and if you have a girl i have extra of everything if you need help w buying clothees and beds

Margaret - posted on 10/21/2012

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Be encouraged and know that everything will be alright. It always gets hard, but everyone has hard times. Just try to step up more at home and also take the time to talk to your family- they may not be as disappointed in you as you think they are. My home is always open or I'm just a phone call away should you need to talk.

Brittaney - posted on 10/21/2012

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It's normal to feel this way. My son was 2 days short of turning 1 when I found out. I was shocked, disappointed in myself, and scared. I was barely making it with my son, and adding another was just as scary. I was 3 months along before I even told my gparents because I was scared of how they'd react. Id already put one baby up for adoption 6 years before, I knew I couldn't do it again. I devised a plan to start stocking up on everything I was going to need that probably wouldn't get at the baby shower. Alot of ths time they the pregnancy I felt like I didn't want my daughter and I didn't really bond with her like I did with my others during pregnancy. My gparents eventually came around and became a huge support system even being 8 hrs away. I knew id never be financially ready of possibly emotionally ready for my little girl but were 10 weeks post-partum and I couldn't imagine my life without her. My suggestions to u, think and pray about it. Abortion as u said isn't that answer, and adoption is hard but an amazing thing. You can have an open adoption and watch him grow up, or a closed. What ever u choose. I write a letter to my son telling him y I did what I did, and that I did it because I loved him more than anything. I'm not saying adoption is for u, it's not for everyone, but u have to think about what is best for u and ur family. I wish u the best of the luck. Feel free to pm me if u want to talk or have any questions

User - posted on 10/19/2012

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I am sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds like if you guys make plans you could have your little family and be very happy together. My husband and I work opposite schedules to provide for our kids without having to pay for childcare and we only make a tad more than your fiance. I also don't like to do housework/cook but have found ways to make it work. I prioritize the housecleaning so that at least the rooms we normally live in are clean and we have clean dishes and clothes. On days I am just too tired to clean I leave it for tomorrow (believe me it will still be there!) I have also found ways to make dinner easier. I often make the kids turkey hotdogs with a steamed vegetable so it can all be done with one pan, I get takeout a fair amount and I like to use paper plates for less clean up. Some nights I feed my kids yogurt, fruit, crackers and cheese and they don't mind.

I think it definately sounds like you guys can do this and be a great mom. You don't have to be Supermom to be a good mom. As long as your kids are healthy, happy and well behaved you have succeeded! If you were to get a job and have 2xincome it sounds like that would get you headed in the right direction to get your apartment together. I don't know what your fiancee does, but waitressing can provide a good income while only working at night (if your fiancee works during the day) and doesn't require any college. Working opposite schedules is difficult on our relationship but it is just what we have to do right now to pay the bills. I look forward to when my children are older and in school then maybe we will have more time together. Maybe if you take this one step at a time you will not feel so overwhelmed.

User - posted on 10/19/2012

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About the lazy thing too, that is the first step of change. Acknowledging that you have somethings to fix. The next step is to fix them. Just slowly at your mothers house try to help out little by little and start overtaking your responsibilities. It does take time to get used to doing all the chores and stuff that goes with being self dependant but you will get used to doing things and feel better once you get into the routine of your chores. Personally it makes me have self gratitude in knowing I can do this on my own and dont neede anyones help. but remember you dont have to do it all alone, get the hubby to help too when he can.





And do not listen to people saying I want to adopt your baby that is not just rediculous but illegal!

User - posted on 10/19/2012

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It is a lotof stress your under and alot of emotions floating about. It is a really hard situation to be living at home and being worried about finances. I got pregnant on our honeymoon (I am 23 was 21 at the time) and totally wasnt expecting it we were so scared we couldnt afford him and at that time I was living with my mom too in a 4 bedroom home with 7 people living there (yeah it was terrible). And btw she was the one doing all our chores too. Just living there was soo stressful with toomany people living there and some were on drugs and we tried our best to not come in contact with anyone but my mom. My husbands BP sky rocketed and a few times I thought we would have to take him thethe ER if itdidnt go down. One month before we had him I was put on bedrest for high BP and low amniotic fluid and after a long look for a place we could afford we found a new home for our family to be, that same month I was put on bedrest. Talking about close call it was! I wasnt able to move anything and with my husband working all the time, my family thankfully moved all our stuff and unpacked and cleaned for me. We were both working fulltime (before bed rest) but when he was born I quit my job to stay home with him because we couldnt afford daycare (I would have been working to pay someone else to watch our son and thats it) We only had one income that wasnt cutting the bills. And to top it all off when we had moved there was extra deposits we had to make(for electric to be turned on) that we didnt know about. We didnt have the money to pay it. I was soo scared and worried and upset about everything.But after help from people we didnt even know (they came out of nowhere!) we didnt get the electric cut off and we made the first step through. I had no idea from there even how we weregoing to make it with all the bills and diapers and all the baby things we needed. Me and my husband were frantic at that point and freaking out literally trying to stay a float. Well now we have a 20 month old still living in the same place and our situation has done a 180. We are able to pay our bills get our son the things he needs. We are still on one income but a few months after our son was born my husband found a higher pay job and just yesterday he got a $2.00 raise in this economy! It truly is a miracle. I have even picked up a couple days when my mom can watch him to help out family members clean for extra income.

Things in the beginning were grim and not lookin well, but everything worked out. We are all healthy now and in healthy living conditions and couldnt be better It was a blessing what we have gone through. I still am staying home with our son and we have the things we need and planning next spring to start looking for a house to rent. When you think that things are impossible to pass remember the possible will come. Just be patient, have faith, and take one step at a time. Things will work out.

God has given this child to you because he has a plan and knows that you will be a good mother to your children. he wont put anything on your plate you cannot handle, times can get tough, but you will pull through and look back and be amazed on the hurdles your family has overcome.

I hope and pray that you keep pushing forward and keep thinking positive, I hope my somewhat similar story has helped and gave you some relief in knowing things will be okay.

Elo Adanna - posted on 10/16/2012

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My dear,u don't nid to die ok..just take it as part of life.it hs happened already n it cannot b erasedu get.ol I want u to do is to come out of being a lazy mom like u said earlier and b d best u can b.embrace life as it is.tel urself dt u r goin to giv ur kids d best life hs to offer.those kids can't suffer because of the mistake made by u n ur boifriend cz u both r young.the truth now u both should know is that u both v brought life into the world n u must take care of dem.pls challenge yourself ok.forget your age,if u luk at it u won't go far n do wt u r supposed to do.do ol this n m sure ur parents n kids l b forever proud of u,trust mi.even if u v to work extra minor jobs,as far it is bringin income dt can take care of sum nids n also help mom,its better my dear.luv ya.I care

Amie - posted on 10/16/2012

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Hey sweet



Things seem really hard for you right now and I'm sorry for that. Disregard all the negatives out there, that is the last thing you and your family need. Don't go down the path of adoption just yet. There really is no need. You seem very lost and emotional right now, so don't make any big decisions that you will potentially regret later.



It's natural for your boyfriend to be scared and completely expected for your mum to be angry. I think most parents would be - fair to say. The thing is, don't push your partner and mum away because of their reactions. Your right, it's time to grow up and that's ok because you can do that. Everyone has to do that at some point. Reconnect with your mum and partner. Sit down as a united couple with the belief of keeping this beautiful baby and talk to your mum. You need support and she should be providing that for you, regardless. Don't expect her to keep you all there and support you financially, that really is her choice, but you need a plan on what's going to happen so there is no more suprises. Be an adult and make decisions based on what best for you and your family, maybe even brainstorm them together as a group.



You know that you need to step up to a mother role and contribute to the house so maybe you should really start to try. It's ok to start slow and it's ok to be completely overwhelmed but things will get easier for you as long as you keep trying. Just do it for yourself and your beautiful family.



I know financially you can't afford much at the moment but luckily for you both, you have a roof over your heads. Be grateful to your mum for that please. With the little money you have maybe invest it into something that will be long term beneficial. I think you should do a parenting/independent living class. They should have them available in your area. It will give you the right tools to becoming a parent and for being responsible. Your partner must go too. It is something you'll take with you forever and always use.



Please don't wish death upon this tiny baby inside of you. Treat it as your blessing. This little bubs is giving you the reason now to grow up, to better yourself as a person, a mother and a partner. If you weren't pregnant right now would you be so motivated still to change??? This bubs needs its mother and your love. It will be ok as long as you want it to be.



Don't listen to the crazies on here wanting to adopt your baby too. That's not only weird but extremely illegal.



This baby didn't ask for a shitty life, but just because you don't ave all the riches and are a young mum, doesn't mean it has to have one. Love, maturity and care go a lot further than money. You can easily accomplish those three things before baby is born. Good luck honey and if things get too emotionally draining, speak to your doctor. You need support from anyone you can right now. People's reactions will usually be negative initially but you can prove them all wrong. And I believe you will.

Bless you and your angel face baby. X

Shanna - posted on 10/16/2012

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It seems as though from your post that you do not want to put your child up for adoption you just wish it didn't happen to you and that you could miscarry and that child (I am assuming you mean that soul) could then be given to someone else instead. That being said, it is possible to do this. I have a friend that went through a situation where she ended up pregnant at 18, got married, had a second a few years later and then got divorced and she pulled through.



The first thing you need to do is recognize that you need to grow up, which from your post seems as though you have:"I'll be honest I am a lazy mother. I dont do our washing, do not cook often and I'm slow to do the housework or though I do take 100% care of my son" so I won't say anything about you needing to realize that. What I suggest you do is sit down with your mother and your fiance and tell them that you did not want this to happen, yes it was irresponsible (for both you and your future hubby) but that you need to deal with the consequences and the child should not pay for what you and him decided to do. Acknowledge to your mother that you need to do more around the house to help out and that you will while you look for your own place to live. Make sure she knows you are sincere, maybe show her what you have to work with for rent money and ask her for some help on finding something or budgeting. Also, pray, it does wonders.



Keep in mind that things may be tense now, but things have a way of simmering down. Realize it was a shocker for them as well so it might get better if you pitch in around the house more and become an asset, showing your mother you're not adding another mouth to feed or a distraction. Finally, remember that you have to live with your decisions, you chose to have intercourse and now have a baby on the way, and from your post you have chosen to keep it, so hunker down and think to yourself "I can work this out"



I wish you the best

Yaliren - posted on 10/16/2012

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I have a son who is 28 years old and he is by him own. I with my husband feel we need children around the big house and we love children. I like children and looking for someone who do not want children and I will take over raise them if you wish. I live in Seattle area.

Maretta - posted on 10/15/2012

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wow you have said some pretty powerful things... I think that you should first calm down and relax. This is not the end of the world. you could get a job with steady income plus your soon to be husban income. You guys can start with a one bedroom maybe two...look up low-income apartments or just go check some out. Have a plan. Think about a budget...realistically!!! I mean you have another child on the way that just means it is time to wake up!!! Trust me your support system is way better than mine have ever been so be thankful and start preparing your life.....!!! Good Luck

Savannah - posted on 10/15/2012

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It sounds like you have your OWN growing up to do before you're able to take care of another living being. If you "feel like you want to DIE" when you should be blessed with the changes going on in your body - do the baby a favor, and give them the opportunity to have a good life. There is always adoption, and most families that adopt are blessed to have your unwanted child.

If I were in your shoes - I wouldn't worry about having to move... I would step up and BE A MOM! Your babies rely on you just as you rely on your mom.



Babies shouldn't be having babies - don't spread your legs if you can't accept the consequences for what you're doing. It's not just something that feels good!

Amanda - posted on 10/14/2012

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I'm sorry this happened to you at such a hard time in your life. I understand where you are coming from and how hard it is to decide what step to take next. I agree with Ashley that you should step it up and start washing your own clothes and helping to cook the meals. Even if you just help your mother out, it would most likely be appreciated. I had my first son at 20 and it took me a long time to get to the point of being organized and having my house look like a home. It takes time, but once you get used to it, it becomes habit to pick things up after, put things away and wash things up. As far as the pregnancy goes, that's a decision you and your partner have to make. You both have to be honest with yourselves and eachother and decide what route you want to do. Be thankful you have a partner to speak with about this, too many women end up making this decision without anyone to lean on for support (regardless of whether they choose to keep, give up, or abort.) Remember every day is a new day and have faith that it WILL get better and every day will become a little easier to bear.

Shannon - posted on 10/14/2012

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Praying for you! There is no shame in adoption. My now 8 year old little sister is adopted and she/ we couldn't be happier! There are families out there who so want a healthy baby that they are willing to help with finaces till the baby is born. Do what is best for your child and for you, like I said there is no shame in adoption. But if you choose to keep your child then trust that it will all work out.

Christina - posted on 10/14/2012

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if u want the baby u can always find a way me and my husband just had r third kid and theyr all two yrs apart i wonder if we can make it sometimes cause my husband seems to jump from job to job but i couldnt imagine not having all my kids here with me and it hasnt been easy my last one was born 6 and a half weeks early and had to spend 3 weeks in the nicu at the hospital and wasnt able to hold him for the first week and even then i was only aloud to see him at certain times its been rough but i think thats what makes it all worth it

Cindy - posted on 10/13/2012

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Love and prayers ot you sweetie. My daughter had 8 children in 9 years and believe me, they did not have alot of money. I was upset too for the first ,maybe three babies. She and her husband are prolife. After I realized that they were going to have all these babies I just decided that I would love them all and all they needed was love. I wouldn't send any of them back, they all belong and all have a place. Every baby is a blessings from above.



I know how you feel. When I was 36 years old I got pregnant after 10 years. I was feeling the same things you are. I was just at the point of having some time for myself, my baby was 10 years old. Looking forward to getting a job and having a career. That baby has brought the most joy in our life, She was so much fun when she was a baby. She is the most loving person and is 21 now. We also had a unplanned baby 20 months after that one. Another joy in our life.



Open your heart to this baby. It was created through love. God is blessing you. Will keep you in my prayers.

Tiffany - posted on 10/12/2012

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Hey Kate! first I would like to send my heart out to you and a huge hug..... I read your story this morning and I read the comments and I am so unimpressed with the lack of support that was given to you... I also have made mistakes in my life which in turn had put me in your position... I strongly believe you need a break from the stress to think about how this will work for you. I think you should look at your toddler for strength to make a good choice. I believe you can do this! I believe you are very stressed which has lead to being lazy,I personally react to stress horribley I get toataly lazy and have no care or desire to do anything. I think it is a natural defence to stress.. I dont think adoption is going to solve anything because you will have to live with it forever riding you mind and soul! Also in a few years you will become very depressed about your choice and questions about why you can care for one but not the other will constantley run on in your head.. so I know if I were you I would take time to think and make a good choice! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! try to pull away from the irrational thoughts and look inside your self for strength it is there you just need to find it! Today I will be sending you strength!! ♥ ♥ ♥

Raynal - posted on 10/12/2012

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I'm sorry I meant to want something better. understand and know the strength of a family when your family unit is together and you're doing it by yourself because I can and I know you can you will be so proud of yourself 5 you soon trust me honey I was there. many blessings

Jenni - posted on 10/12/2012

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No-one should want to die, there is always a solution to your problems, you made me cry reading your post. Lazy, snap out of it!! I was so lazy, that before I had kids I never cooked!! When me and my bf got together he would cook 4 or 5 nights a week (we both worked) and then we had a baby (I was 21) and that all changed, he still did some stuff, but much less as I was at home and he was at work, he expected more!! lol. Now, 4 years later we have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and we are try for our 3rd and final! :-) Financially we are not stable, but if we had waited for that, I would have been at least 35 before having my first! My other half does nothing around the house these day (we both work) and I do everything (for everyone) yes, I'm tired, yes its hard work, nothing can prepare you for it, but all you need to do is ask for help! I'm sure there are organisations that can help you, I'm sure there is some type of aid you can get to help you get a house. I don't live in the same country as you, so honestly I don't know where to start!! If you want to chat, send me a message

Too many people judge the situations we are in, no matter who we are!! Don't take anything negative from any of the post, at some point those people have made mistake, but have probably had someone there to clean up after theirs!

I'm sending you a virtual hug as I know how much you need it right now!

Amanda - posted on 10/11/2012

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If you feel like you can't take care of the baby then why wouldn't you look into open adoption. You will still get to see the baby every once and while get updates about what is going on, pictures. If you pray for someone who will take better care of your baby then you have already answered your own question. My cousin is now 21 and she is due to have her second child with a different man who will this time be there for both. But they know it will be hard and have looked into adoption, but decided against it because they sat down and worked it out. She is just like you, lazy as hell. She doesn't cook, but went through high school, well most, and took culinary arts, worked in a cafe too, but will not cook for her family. He does the cleaning and washing and cooking and it is breaking them apart. He works all day sometimes 10 hours a day and all he wants to do is sit and enjoy his soon to be step son, but she wont let him. After the baby is born she is getting that thing that last for five years. You have one baby and know how hard it is why wouldn't you look at using protection? I say not only are you lazy, but in all honesty don't care about what happens to your family. You are putting your mom through hell by cooking and cleaning for that many people and now are adding one more. Find daycare and go back to work yourself. Plane and simple. If you want to keep this baby then step up and act like an adult. You were adult enough to have sex your are adult enough to deal with what happens. But by the sounds of it you are not ready nor will never be ready for a second baby if you still want to act like a child yourself. Look into adoption. There are many wonderful couples out there who can not have babies that will jump at the chance to raise yours. You pick who you want and some will let you visit your child. Good luck, God Bless.

Janessa - posted on 10/11/2012

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I would like to tell you first. I know there is a God, and that he will help you if you ask the right questions. Instead of begging him to give it to someone else, why not ask him what you should do and ask him to give you the strength and courage and peace to do it. He will. I know because I have literally been lifted and guided throughout my life by him and have felt his presence. You just need to have an open heart to what he knows is best. The only way to give your baby to someone else is to have it and give it up for adoption. That is the only way. If it would be hard for you, God would give you peace while you do it. There are so many couples out there that are waiting to adopt a baby. Giving up a baby for adoption is probably one of the most selfless acts of love a mother could give to her child. God would strengthen you through the process. Regardless of what you decide know that if you let him, God will be with you lifting you up and you will feel his presence every step of the way if you trust him. I can promise you this because I know it to be true. I have felt it.

Sarah - posted on 10/11/2012

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I think Ashley said it very well. Right now you are in shock. But this is your reality, so now you have to look at where you want to go from here. You do need to stop being lazy and start looking at what you want out of life. As a mom you do need to be doing the wash, housework, cooking, etc. that is all part of being a responsible adult. You and your boyfriend need to sit down and really look at things, finances, how you want your lives to be like, what can and can't you do, what are you willing to do and not do. Then you need to look at what is best for this child and your 2 yr old. As Ashley stated maybe adoption is what is best....you stated that you have begged the heavens or whoever is up there to just give this child to someone who will take better are of it.....maybe that is an adoptive family that has waited SO long to do just that. Adoption is not easy, but it does give the child a chance. It shows how much you love your child inorder to go through the pain so your child can have a better life. There are also many forms of adoption. Many people think that once they place their child for adoption they will never see them. That is not true. Though you are not there parenting them you can still get pictures, letters, even do visits the child and th adoptive family.



It is not the end of the world, just a growing time for you and your family.

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