how do i move on from the man i loved and adored and the father of my 3 girls? he is now in jail for assult on myself!

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Racheal - posted on 04/20/2009

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I hate the saying it takes time. It always felt like a slap in the face to me. It's so hard to move on. Past the violence. When you're suddenly alone and a single mum you start wondering whether it was really all that bad, maybe if you could be a better person things's wouldn't have been like that. And you pine for him, especially when the kids are finding it hard and they are unsettled. you don't know how to move on right now, that is ok. You need to work yourself through the emotions to be able to come out the other side.



For me it took too long. I left my ex when our daughter was 2. But I kept going back to him and fell pregnant again. By then I was in a new relationship, which was a bad idea as I never worked through any of the pain, I never forgave myself or allowed myself to blame him for the things he did to me. It's been a long 4 years since then. Only recently have I allowed myself to say he was abusive and not deserving of our love and trust, and certainly not deserving of our kids. Stay strong and true to yourself and for sure you will come to the point where you will be able to move on. Seeing a counseller can be beneficial. They can help you to recognise unhelpful thoughts or emotions and give you advice on how to turn those emotions around.



Good Luck.

Jacklyn - posted on 04/19/2009

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I agree with Angela. You do not want your girls to grow up thinking that it is okay for a man to hit a woman. It is going to be difficult for you to be a single mom of 3 girls but it sounds like it is definitely best for all of you. You can get through this and you and your girls will look back on this and be glad he wasn't around. Look up some groups in your area for single moms or battered woman. I am sure there are many other women out there that are going through what you are going through. At least he is in jail and he can't hurt you or your girls. Focus on your girls and you will get stronger every day. Good luck!

Angela - posted on 04/19/2009

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Im glad that you took yourself and your children out of harms way. Its really hard to be a new "single" mom but you have to look into the future. My mom was abused by my so-called-father and I learned from an early age that it was okay for a man to hit me. That was my mothers mistake, she didn't have the support and love to be able to show my sister and I any different. Im glad that you have taken steps to ensure that your children will never have to see the abuse to their mom or to ever think it is okay

Crystal - posted on 04/19/2009

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Hi Nicole...Although I didnt face physical violence, I did deal with Emotional Violence and I can relate. Leaving my ex husband was one of the HARDEST things I have ever had to do in my life. I can tell you, you have an advantage - he is in jail. As hard as things feel, it is easiest when he isnt around. Always remember, your kids come first and putting them in harms way is something you will never want to do. As hard as this seems, time will make it better I can promise you this first hand. Good Luck with everything! Email me if you need support - Crystal.Juliano@yahoo.com

Nicole - posted on 04/19/2009

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i cant see how its going to be easy but you must do what is best. and we all know not being with him is whats best. no man should ever hit a woman. and you have 3 little girls who look up to you. be the best mom you know how to be. be a good friend to those who need you. and they will be there for you in return. life is hard. its whats you make of it that is worth while. think of your girls. and yes it will take time. but just take it day by day. now take care and take care of your lovley little ones. :)

Wanda - posted on 04/19/2009

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It takes time. You want to go from point 'A' to point 'Z', but that takes time. Try to be patient...

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