How do I not lose my temper?

Amber - posted on 08/19/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I am 21, pregnant with my second child. I am at about 4 months and under a butt load of stress! I have a two year old girl who I am finding that I have to walk away from because I am about to lose my cool. Is this normal and how do I prevent it? How can I stay positive and not feel like falling apart?

14 Comments

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Kristi - posted on 08/19/2009

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Hi Amber,

I have 7 kids, ranging in age from 10 months up to 18 years. Stress comes with the job I'm afraid. During my last pregnancy I was under alot of stress, my husband was in Iraq, my oldest son decided he wanted to move out of the house and the others loved to see how far they could push mom. In my experience I have found that the best thing to do when you feel like you're about to lose your temper is to make sure the kids are safely playing or watching TV or something along those lines, go to your room, or just go into a different room, count to ten take deep breaths, watch not to hyperventilate. When you feel more relaxed then go back and do whatever you were doing before. Hope this helps, good luck.

Tara - posted on 08/19/2009

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when I get really steamed or stressed and think I'm going to take it out on my daughter I first walk away so that I dont do or say anything that I'm going to regret and then I take a moment to remind myself that she's only almost two and as grown up and smart as she seems sometimes she's not an adult and needs me to be cool and calm to teach her how to do things and express herself so that I can help her. I also stop and ask myself if she's hungry, thirsty, sleepy or in need of a diaper change usually one of these simple things resolves the situation and I'm able to feel like I'm really doing my job as her mom.

Billie-lee - posted on 08/19/2009

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I think when you have a second child the child that you already has feels left out and seeks more attention than usual. I had the same problem with my little girl when i was pregnant with my son her behaviour got worst and i had to be more enforcing where discipline was concerned but also I made a real effort to enclude her in the pregnancy and say things like " wow your going to be a big sister soon" and " when the baby comes you'll be able to help mummy". I think it is important to crack down on the discipline when the baby comes too cause in my case her behaviour only got bader when the baby arrived. also when the baby is born buy her a little gift so she feels as though she is just as important because when you have a new baby all of the attention is shifted from the child/infant that is here and placed all on the baby so a little gift can make the child/infant feel special too. With the stress if you are able to go I reccomend yoga I did it with my first baby it was awesome i did it at night so when i come home I had the primo sleeps, good luck girl and do worry we all can relate to what you are going though. I wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

Betty - posted on 08/19/2009

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Just hang in there and get support. Ask a friend to come by the house and hang out when it's just you and the baby. Just having another adult around will help even if they ignore your daughter and only talk to you. Also, let your husband deal with all the worrying for now. Let it go because you don't have to both be worrying about the same things all the time.

Jocelyn - posted on 08/19/2009

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i know exactly what you are going thru. i am 32 weeks preg with a very very active 2.5 yr old son. just keep walking away. sometimes i tell my son that mommy has been bad and needs to go for a time out for a few minutes. those 10 minutes away do wonders. i normally have a good cry (nothing better than that for releasing pent up frustration) i also drink chai tea :)
it's gotten to the point where i am cleaning the house quite a bit, so i don't have to constantly be with my son and hear him whining at me. lol he likes to help clean tho, so i just give him a damp sponge and tell him to go wipe down all the tables :)
i also yell a lot. not necessarily at my son, just in general, i'm a very loud person naturally and i talk to myself a lot lol. it helps. although i'm pretty sure our neighbors think i'm schizo LOL

Nicola - posted on 08/19/2009

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I know exactly how you feel, before I had my son I really couldnt understand how a mother could hurt her child but now I can fully understand how some women just snap!!! I have come close to it and the day I really really shouted at him changed me - he was absolutely terrified and i now either put him in his room or walk into another room (the bathroom is good cos you can't be followed) and sit and breathe and calm down.

Kids will push and push and push - Just walk away, if you have a garden sit on the back step and get some air.

Hope this helps

Nic x

PS have also started using the naughty step.

Kylee - posted on 08/19/2009

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my first 2 children are 11 mo apart and i was away from my family due to my husband being a USMC so you could say i feal your pain in a way i never knew when or if my husband was going to be around. you have to take time for you even if its just locking your self in the bathroom take a long shower and play your fav song it helped me bunches also try to get out of the house like go for walks it helps to keep your older child from getting under your skin if thay burn off energy and take a nap hope this helps you in some way i just know the shower thing helped me. Dont be afraid to ask for help you would be suprised at how people will help in weird ways have someone make you dinner for a change it would be one less thing you have to do.

Amber - posted on 08/19/2009

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Thank you all so much! I really am getting way too stressed out. I think the day to myself idea is a good one. We are very close to losing our home because the land lord is letting it go into foreclosure and have no money to move... then an unexpected pregnancy and family issues... Its so stressful! Thank you for your support and I will try all the great ideas you have given me.

Ryan - posted on 08/19/2009

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Hey Amber, I am 28 years old and have an active 4 year old girl. i was home wit her 24 hours a day 7 days a week for about 2 1/2 years before we made the decision to put her in daycare 1 to 2 days a week. It was a lifesaver. I was soo stressed out dealing with her that i am afraid to admit i did lose my cool. the day care was awsome, it gave me a day or two to myself, a break from her. I am now so much more relaxed. christina is not is daycare anymore she is back home with me.



The biggest lesson that i learned is that you need to take some time for yourself to. Call a friend, your mom, your dad, someone to come and watch your daughter so you can take a much needed break. As for green tea check with your doctor first, some of the antioxidents can actually be harmfull to the unborn child

Jayme - posted on 08/19/2009

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My life is very stressful also and I have a very active 4 year old boy who seems to always see just how far he can push. What I do when I'm near my breaking point is turn around, take 3 deep breaths and count out loud backwards from ten then take one more deep breath before I turn back around. After this, I'm able to keep a calm voice and explain to my son what exactly will happen if he doesn't stop. If he keeps on pushing, I stick to what I said. This helped me from losing my cool, and my son now knows that when I do this he is very close to ending up in his room so he stops pushing and goes off to play and gives me room to fully cool down.
I also agree with the other moms about taking a day to yourself. I try to have one day a week where I can have at least 5 hours of me time. That helps a lot too!
Hope this was helpful!

Janet - posted on 08/19/2009

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hi amber, it happened to me also, when i was pregnant with my second baby, my 1st was 1 and 2 months and he's really stubborn, if i may say, just always remember that she's still a baby and she needs your care and time and that age she's really longing for some attention, it's normal for a pregnant woman to be hot tempered especially if your tired and stressed out, i'm also working when i'm pregnant with my 2nd,(night shift), have some time with her, and explaine that you and the baby loves her, but she should behave for the baby's sake, sometimes they need to feel responsible for their younger sibling so they will behave. hope this helps it's based on my experience.

Breanne - posted on 08/19/2009

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Since you ARE pregnant the best thing for you to do now is ignore and walk away from her when she is acting like this. You need to stay away from stress for you and the baby. When the pregnancy is over adn things have settled down then it will be a better time to address her behaviour. Or maybe there is someone else in the household who can handle her when she gets like this for the time being.

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2009

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Depending on the behaviour maybe it's best that you just walk away! I agree with Jenn, maybe you need a day to yourself. Is there anyone you can call?

Jenn - posted on 08/19/2009

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Hi Amber, I am under a lot of stress as well and Kayla pushed my buttons. I think its time I begin implementing a new form of discipline to help her understand right from wrong. I find that using a blog or connecting friends is a great outlet. Or maybe you just need a day to yourself and you should call her grandma or another relative so you can be at peace and simmer down.



How about some green tea? I hate the stuff but I swear moms tell me all the time it works. Haha.

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