How do i tell my 4.5 year old son that my husband is not his dad?

Kathy - posted on 11/19/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Okay so I'm very lost right now. My husband and I just married in June have a 1year old together and due again in April. I have 2 older children a 6 year old from my ex husband and my 4.5 year old from a different guy. My husband and i have been on and off for 10 years. With him always being in my life even if we were not "together". My husband is adopting my oldest. My ex lost his rights in the divorce. During all this my sons biological wanted nothing to do with him. So my husband has been raising both of my older two since my daughter was about 2 and my son was 5 months. He is the only dad they both know. Up until a few months ago "right before we married" my sons biological said my son could be adopted by my husband. Right after the wedding is when he changed his mind because my aunt and uncle told him that he needed to be in my sons life and then paid for him to take me to court. Long story short trial is December 10th and my husband and I are torn up at how to tell my son the truth. We know we have to or his biological will tell him but twist the truth so he doesn't seem like the ass he is. I can still count the number of supervised visits he has had with my son and how many times he has chosen to walk back out because he didn't want to be a dad. I don't understand why the courts give men like this so many chances. Any suggestions??

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Leslie - posted on 11/20/2012

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You can't. To him your husband is his father. Although he isn't by blood, to your son he is in every way that counts. Your son is 4 and daddy's are a very big deal. I don't think you need to tell him that your husband isn't his daddy. Instead prepare him to meet a new "friend" if the court goes your ex's way. When (and if) the time comes to tell him you speak to his level and tell him that this "friend" is the father that gave him to you. And he is extra special because he has two men that love him and want to be part of his family. Your son will sort out who is his true parent is.

You need to let go and let him do so.

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