how do u cope with a 4 yr old when ur brother has just passed away because my child dont seem to understand


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Jen - posted on 04/21/2009




4 is still a little young to understand death. My brother died 2 years ago and it was hard trying to explain to my neighbors who were 5 and 7 at the time that he wouldn't be coming back. The youngest still tells me that she misses him and had just begun understanding that he truly isn't coming back. I actually found out I was pregnant with my daughter a couple weeks afterwards so when she gets older we'll have to find a way to explain that to her.

As for yourself. Everyone handles death differently. For me, my priority was making sure my parents were ok. However, you need some time for yourself to cry it out and everything too. Get someone to watch your child and take some alone time. Even if you just send them to preschool so that you can get done what you need to do. May God be with you and your family.

Katy - posted on 04/21/2009




Hey, your child s ionlt 4 and can't be expected to understand to the level that u do. When our second child died, our daughter was 2 1/2 years. She saw it all, went to the funeral and saw her parents go throughj it all - she still couldn't process it.

Firstly, although it is hard for u right now u need to ask yourself "does he/she really need to know? Or are u just trying to explain to her something that u don't quite understand yet?" Give it some thought. Kids at 4 can be quite oblivious to the outside wall. It took us many years (until she was 6) for our daughter to understand that hert brother was in Heaven, and that unlike Grandma had told her - you couldn't get there on an aeroplane. She went on one at 6 and discovered that this was true. I hope that u are coping well, and if u are not, take a break. Organise some childcare for your 4 year old. A broken mummy helps no one. Trust me on this one! Much love sent your way. xx

Nicole - posted on 04/21/2009




Sorry to hear about your brother. When my daughter was 5 her close cousin died. She was much older, in her 30s. Hailey didn't understand where Trudy went. So I took her outside and we were laying in the grass watching the clouds go by and I asked her "Where do you think Trudy went?" Hailey said she didn't know where she went but that she wasn't here anymore. You would be surprised at what young childern know. While we were looking up at the sky, a cloud was kind of shaped like a face and I asked Hailey if she could see the face. She said she could and I told her that was Trudy looking down on her making sure she was safe. So Hailey asked me why she was way up there and I told her that is where heaven is and that is where all people and animals go when they die. Hailey was okay with that. Now Hailey is 7 and she goes outside and lays in the grass watching for Trudy to look at her. Hailey will see a face every now and then and she knows it's Trudy now. I also did take Hailey to the funeral with me. Hailey wanted to see Trudy and I let her. She did cry but knew that Trudy would be watching her. All kids are different but I believe that they do understand for the most part but they also need our help too. I hope this helps you out. Death and little kids are hard but you will make it though. Good Luck and Take care.

Nicole Hancock

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