how do you cope with depression after having a baby????

JODIE - posted on 12/12/2009 ( 34 moms have responded )

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i am 24 and got two children .i had my last child in may 2009.i have really bad depression is it normal and how did some of you moms get through everyday with it????

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Cori - posted on 12/12/2009

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When I had my son by c-section (he is 6 month old now) they found a tumor on one of my ovaries. It wasn't cancerous but a type of tumor/cyst. The doctor tried to just take the bad tissue but I lost the entire ovary. I was lucky because it hadn't spread to my other ovary and I can still have more kids (though my window of opportunity is shorter).

But because of it I had a lot of problems breast feeding. I ended up having to supplement from the first week and by six weeks I was completely dry. I felt like a total failure even though rationally I knew it was all hormonal. I cried a lot for the first few weeks and even more when I went back to work. I felt like less of a woman because I didn't have all my "girl parts" anymore. It helped to have family around and it helped a lot when my in-laws took him for a night. Sometimes getting rested can make all the difference.

Take a long bath, a nap, a night out, whatever it takes to help you feel good. If it gets worse there is no shame at all in seeing a doctor. Good luck! I hope you feel better soon.

Anna-Marie - posted on 12/12/2009

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I went through HORRIBLE PPD! I was suicidal ad lost 50lbs in 2 months. I would not eat or sleep or do anything. I loved my son with all my heart (still do of course!) and would never do anything to hurt him but I just could not live my day to day life as a normal person. What made matters worse was I could not breastfeed which made me feel even worse and the questions and stares I got from "older" women for feeding my son formula sent me off the deep end. I was put on Cipralex and after a few weeks started feeling 100% better. I found out later that many women feel this way after having a baby and it's not something to just sweep under the rug calling it "baby blues". I was under the impression that I would be so happy after having my son and that life would be just great. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my son so much and wouldn't trade him for the world! Your doctor SHOULD NOT shrug you off or laugh at you. Post Partum Depression is a very serious and very real problem. There are support groups out there, at least there are where I live. Call your local health unit. I know in Canada we have health nurses visit or call 24 hrs after a baby is born and then 6 weeks after. At the 6 week visit they do a questionnaire to determine if you may be depressed and then from there they get you hooked up with a support group if needed. Feel free to message me too..I've been there done that!!! It gets soooo much better though I promise you. I was only on the meds for a few months. You are not alone and there is hope :)

Kara - posted on 12/12/2009

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You are not alone. It's normal to go through the baby blues and depression...but if it doesn't subside...then its time to seek some help. I was on anti-anxiety/depression medication before I got pregnant and then I chose to come off of it when I was pregnant. It was hard, but worth it. I'm back on my meds and it helps alot. I also see a counselor too. You have to find what works for you...family and friends can be lovely, but sometimes you need to speak with someone who is neutral. I hope you can lean on family and friends and that there are resources for you. You shouldn't go through it alone.

Kimberly - posted on 12/12/2009

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I went through it with my daughter (5 months old now). I had an epidural that didn't wear completely off until 6 weeks after having her. I couldn't walk without my leg giving out and falling out. I couldn't go to the bathroom alone, I was scared to hold my daughter because I thought I would fall while holding her, and all this with being a first time mother. The first time my daughter coughed (while drinking her bottle) my mother was holding her I panicked (I was so anxious all the time) and jumped up to grab her and fell immediately on the floor. I just stayed there and cried hysterically. My family tried to help, helping watch my daughter and offering to give me a break but nothing was helping. I had called a relative and had asked could we come over, they forgot to hang up the phone and I overheard them say "she's not even trying to get over it". I basically got mad and got over it...that was it. I basically snapped out of it and realized that my daughter needed me to be better than what I was. I talked to doctors about medicines and counslers but my pride wouldn't even consider the suggestions. I literally got better out of spite. :-(

Safia - posted on 12/12/2009

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My son is a little bit over a year, and it went away when I finally started taking care of my self. It's really hard to take care off kids, i can't imagine two!



It's different for each mom, for me, when we finally sleep trained our son, and got my evenings back (when he was about 4 months) I felt more in control, and slowly started going out with friends while he was asleep at night, and my husband and I would have a movie night once or twice a month etc..



You can't and you shouldnt be expected to do this alone, get all the help you can! Unlike many moms, it took me a while to fall in love with my son, and I think that added to my depression, but it passes by, so hang in there.

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Danielle - posted on 12/22/2009

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I was pretty depressed too and I ended up going on anti-depressants because I wasn't sleeping or anything. I have always been ecstatic to be a mother but I think my problem was I took on too much at once (a newborn plus being a student...I should've taken time off of school) and I ended up being overwhelmed with everything. Talk to your doctor.

Casey - posted on 12/21/2009

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I never been depressed after having my baby. Always had someone around to help me out and keep my mind focus.

Stefanie - posted on 12/19/2009

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I would definitely talk to your health care provider about your depression. I was a little blue after I had mine (I looked and felt disgusting, no time to myself, blah blah blah) but it was never very bad. If it's as bad as it sounds, I would call your doctor and let him know and maybe he can prescribe you something for your depression. Remember, a happy mommy means a happy baby!

Kathleen - posted on 12/15/2009

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My daughter is now 4 yrs old now but when she was born the delivery was good but i had alot of complications after i stayed in the hospital 4 a month afterwards the DR put me on a mild antidepressant called citalapram its great i function like a normal mom now

Amanda - posted on 12/15/2009

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i have the same problem i had totake deprission medicen threw my las pregnacy and get something stronger after, yu just got to take it one da at a time talk to your hubby it helps

Janeen - posted on 12/15/2009

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I am 27 & I have a six year old son. I believe I did experience post partum depression after having my son... and also at other times in my life. I have started taking a natural supplement which is a mood booster. I take 5HTP & liquid B12. B vitamins are wonderful! :) You can find both of these at GNC or the Vitamin Shoppe. It has helped me a great deal. The most important thing is taking care of yourself. Nap when the baby naps... If you are happy it will do worlds of good for you, your partner & your baby. Hope that helps & good luck!

Adrea - posted on 12/15/2009

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I battled severe depression after my first. My best friend died almost exactly 1 month before he was born and I almost lost the baby. The only thing I can advice is see a psychologist, seek and pray to God for the inspiration to move on from what's bothering you in your life, and live one moment at a time. Usually I was so busy doing house work and working (at the time, I stay at home now) that I had no time to think and dwell. Its really hard, but its doable. Just remember, no matter what situation you are dealing with now...someone ALWAYS has it worse. Smile for what blessings you have with you right now.

Megan - posted on 12/15/2009

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Quoting Crystal:

I had depression...it's very serious you could lose your family by closing them out...my husband a lot of problems from this....You need to talk to your doctor and get on a low dose of prozac or paxel these don't effect you...doesn't make you high are anything. All this will do is balance out your chemicals in your system, so you can be you again. After having children it can put your body and mind out of wack and that's very normal. A women's system takes about one year to get back to normal so, talk to your doctor get on these medication and take sometime out of the day to read,watch a movie or just take a nap....you need some time for yourself too. Start balanceing your life out with kids,husband,work, and me time. You need time for all so make a scheule I know that sounds silly but, before you know it you will start be back to your old self and enjoying your life again.


yes prozac is the miracle drug, start out at low dose and don't be afraid to ask 4 a higher dose if you don't feel better in a few weeks....

Crystal - posted on 12/15/2009

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I had depression...it's very serious you could lose your family by closing them out...my husband a lot of problems from this....You need to talk to your doctor and get on a low dose of prozac or paxel these don't effect you...doesn't make you high are anything. All this will do is balance out your chemicals in your system, so you can be you again. After having children it can put your body and mind out of wack and that's very normal. A women's system takes about one year to get back to normal so, talk to your doctor get on these medication and take sometime out of the day to read,watch a movie or just take a nap....you need some time for yourself too. Start balanceing your life out with kids,husband,work, and me time. You need time for all so make a scheule I know that sounds silly but, before you know it you will start be back to your old self and enjoying your life again.

Gloria_broce - posted on 12/15/2009

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its normal, flowers of Bach really useful... sorry for my english
look for help you need to rest =)

Megan - posted on 12/14/2009

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Quoting JODIE:

-*thankyou to all the mums out there that took the time to answer my question it helps me alot to know that im not the only one who is going through this.....it is very hard on my partner cause i get really angrey and take it out on him and dont even know im doing it.i need help yes i admit that but who will hel me..my doctor just laughs at me when i tell her.and there is nothing really i see funny about my problem.i love my partner and kids very much i dont want to loose them ...and if this keeps going i will...........olz someone help me!!!!!i want my life back and i want my family too....


YES you need a different doctor. I cannot believe she laughed at you. I was going through the exact same thing as you. I just didn;t realize it was depression I was like I am not sad all the time but being angry (which I was really bad with my partner) is a big part of depression.......Go get help from your OB or even family doc which ever  one you haven;t went to yet. I just can't understand why the doc would laugh this is not a laughing matter!!!

Megan - posted on 12/14/2009

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OK Honey I had very bad depression with my first child and didn't realize it or get help until a year later. I separated from my babies father and was overly protective of my child, very sad, crabby, a lot of feelings and emotions going on.....I finally went to the doctor and got put on meds and felt better in a matter of weeks. I am so glad that I did I feel like myself again. That was 4 years ago and I just had a nother child with my now husband who stuck by me through out the whole seperation and me treating him badly. I asked for the pills right away this time didn;t want to be in that situation again. YOU NEED TO GO TO YOU DOCTOR!!!! I just always thought it would go away but it never did it is something in your brain that happens after you have a baby that is out of whack and the pills help your doctor will explain it better than I can. Please go and just talk to your doc about it you will NOT regret it. I regretted waiting so long it almost ruined my relationship with my husband!!

Jennifer - posted on 12/14/2009

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My youngest is going to be 2 this month and I am still going through it. I think part of it has to do with hormones...but part of it has to do with what all is going on in your life and how you deal with it. I had to force myself into a sort of survival mode. I started eating healthy, exercising, and taking time each day to relax. That was really hard for me to do all that but those things do help. I think the hardest part is feeling like you don't have the will to get out of bed, let alone try to exercise or take care of yourself...but you have to. You have to do it like its medicine that is keeping you alive. If you treat your depression like it is a treatable condition...it will be treatable. It won't be 100% better overnight but it will get better. Another thing...counselling and support groups. I am a student so I get free counselling through my university. I also talk to the pastor at my church if I need any reenforcement from my faith. The good thing is all you have to do is reach out. You are not alone, and once you can break out of the prison you feel like you're in by realizing the support that people all around you are willing to give, you will start to feel better. Take advantage of your family and friends at this time. If you don't have dependable people in your life than soak up the moments on this website and try to find a group in your area. Ask around at churches and familly counselling centers.

Irene - posted on 12/14/2009

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i had my son in sept 2006 and i was really depressed and I went through the baby blues i lost all the baby weight I had in a few weeks. Once I had a routine going I took control of my life. dont think that if u have kids u only have to take care of them u have to care of urself. All u need to kick this is good friends that will help u through this. Hope this helps u.

Natasha - posted on 12/14/2009

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I just have the one child at the moment, planning another. I suffered from Post Natal Depression, however I did not take any medication. I think next time around, I will definitely seek Doctor's advice. What did help ease some of the depression, was making sure I had Mum near by if I was having a particularly tough day dealing with my son, I would ring her to take him out for the day. I would then just relax and read a book. It sort of re-charged my mental strength a little bit. It really did help. I would say I really only started feeling better when my son started sleeping through the night at 8 1/2 months and he went in his own room. I also started meeting up with a girlfriend with a similar aged child and did some mummy and kiddy time together (local swimming pool, nursery time group etc) I also joined a local Pram walking group and that has helped hugely.

Ashley - posted on 12/14/2009

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Like all the other moms have said, having a good support system really helps. Having someone, be it a friend or your husband, to share every feeling you have is great. Going out with friends from time to time and have "me" time is great. But sometimes it takes more than that. Don't be afraid, or think your less of a person if you need medicaiton to get you through this difficult time. For the first four months of my sons life I was so depressed. Had horrible feelings that I didn't want to be a mother, I got upset with him every time he cried for a reason I didn't understand and I was so miserable. I had time to myself when my mom or my mother-in law would come down, I got to go out with my friends when my mom would keep him overnight, my husband was wonderful to talk to but I was still so unhappy. My doctor put me on Pristiq and I have never felt better. For the first time in months I love being a mother, I don't get upset and loose it when he cries for no reason and things don't bother me so much. I tried my best to do it without medication but I couldn't. So if you've done everything you can and you still aren't happy, talk to your doctor immediatly. We are all here to support ya!

Beth - posted on 12/14/2009

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I got really bad after my second son and had to get put on antidepression and antianxity medication just keep breathing every day and remember how much joy the little ones give you

[deleted account]

I am a army wife and my husband deployed when I was 6 months pregnant with our son. My family was with me and helped me through it. After I had my son I moved in with my parents for a month because I had an emergency c-section and my hubby was gone. I didn't want anything to do with anyone. I laid in bed recouping and crying all the time. I ended up going to see my dr and he put me on some anti depressants. After a few years I found out that I was pregnant again and I stopped my meds cold turkey. I ended up miscarrying and I was a mess. I did things to my hubby that I never thought I would do. I went back on my meds and that same year I found out I was pregnant again and stopped cold turkey again. Had another C-Section with my daughter and went back on my meds. I have been on them ever since. They are a life saver for me along with talking to other people about it.

Kerry - posted on 12/13/2009

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Quoting JODIE:

-*thankyou to all the mums out there that took the time to answer my question it helps me alot to know that im not the only one who is going through this.....it is very hard on my partner cause i get really angrey and take it out on him and dont even know im doing it.i need help yes i admit that but who will hel me..my doctor just laughs at me when i tell her.and there is nothing really i see funny about my problem.i love my partner and kids very much i dont want to loose them ...and if this keeps going i will...........olz someone help me!!!!!i want my life back and i want my family too....


 



If your doctor is laughing at you then you need another doctor!!



 



My doctor basically said that if I needed to talk to a doctor about how i was feeling after having my baby then that was reason enough to look into methods for treating PPD. I went on mild antidepressants for 6 months and felt 100% after a few weeks, but i also know if it's just a mild case then you may not need medication just some counselling or professional support.



In hind sight I had it with my first baby too but wasn't aware enough of it, I wish now that I had swallowed my pride and enjoyed the first year of my first babys life....can't get that back!!

Kelsey - posted on 12/13/2009

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I have it too. Well, it seems to have gone away for a couple months now, but when I have it its severe and it comes and goes. I used to take anti depressants (before baby) but they werent completely necessary for me because most of the time Im just wonderful. If you have constant depression that doesnt fade than you would benefit from anti depressants. It takes a few tries to find the right one for you, so dont be dicouraged if you get worse on the first one. If you dont want to do that than what works for me is alot of support from my friends and family. Whenever I am stressed out and depressed I have a wine night with my bff who is also a mom (which helps) and I feel sooo much better just being able to vent and have someone understand me. My main source of depression since having my daughter was just pure stress. I do pretty much everything by myself, and spend most days at home just me and my daughter. By the time my fiance gets home I have to make dinner,put her tobed, clean up, he passes out, than because if my complete lack of me time, i develop insomnia and wake up early the next day. Sometimes with only 2 hours of sleep! On top of that, its hard to stop worrying about our horrible financial situation, and worrying about where we will move, and if me and my fiance will be able to find good enough jobs. Nothing in my life is at all stable right now, and it is seriously due to pure bad luck. VERY SAD! That is definatly the #1 reason for my depression, and Im guessing you are similar? If so, its just lack of sleep and stress. You just need to try to sleep more, maybe take some benedryl to help you sleep, and take a day off. Go out with a friend and get a baby sitter. Most importantly, talk about it. I cant tell you how much better I feel just having someone that relates to me. When you know your not alone you tend to get over it. Make a point tomorrow to not worry, to not stress, and to enjoy the moment. I have been making a point to live in the moment and to not think about the past or the future. To push all my worries aside and enjoy the sound of my daughter squeeling while I wash her bottles. Things have always worked out in the end, and will continue working out. Trust God. If your anything like me, you just need to relax. Enjoy life, you only get one. :) :) :)

Tracy - posted on 12/13/2009

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I'm a sufferer of depression and my daughter is a year old. I tried to just ignore it at first hoping it would go away within a few weeks once my hormones got back to normal but it didn't. Finally once my daughter turned a year old I took the time to go to my doctor and am now taking medicine for it. Don't be ashamed to ask for help at all because lots of people go through this. Also, when I have a bad day and feel my depression more than usual I try and give myself some me time. Sometimes just getting away from being cooped up in the house 24/7 and being with the baby all the time gets to be too much. I'll try and have my husband watch her so I can go out for a little bit and that usually helps. It's hard for me to though b/c we moved to a new town and shortly after I got pregnant so I don't have any friends here or know many people at all and I don't think that really helps my situation any more either. And, find a new doctor because they should NEVER laugh at you!!! That is ridiculous and you should report him!!!

C. - posted on 12/12/2009

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Quoting Anna-Marie:

I went through HORRIBLE PPD! I was suicidal ad lost 50lbs in 2 months. I would not eat or sleep or do anything. I loved my son with all my heart (still do of course!) and would never do anything to hurt him but I just could not live my day to day life as a normal person. What made matters worse was I could not breastfeed which made me feel even worse and the questions and stares I got from "older" women for feeding my son formula sent me off the deep end. I was put on Cipralex and after a few weeks started feeling 100% better. I found out later that many women feel this way after having a baby and it's not something to just sweep under the rug calling it "baby blues". I was under the impression that I would be so happy after having my son and that life would be just great. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my son so much and wouldn't trade him for the world! Your doctor SHOULD NOT shrug you off or laugh at you. Post Partum Depression is a very serious and very real problem. There are support groups out there, at least there are where I live. Call your local health unit. I know in Canada we have health nurses visit or call 24 hrs after a baby is born and then 6 weeks after. At the 6 week visit they do a questionnaire to determine if you may be depressed and then from there they get you hooked up with a support group if needed. Feel free to message me too..I've been there done that!!! It gets soooo much better though I promise you. I was only on the meds for a few months. You are not alone and there is hope :)


I'm so sorry you went through that. I, too, was suicidal at times. I have to say that i was almost ashamed to speak to my doctor about it and never did bring it up. I wish I had. I am very glad that you posted this. I think that it will be a huge help for anyone that reads it and is going through PPD. 



Best wishes!!!

C. - posted on 12/12/2009

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Yes it's normal. Some women go through severe PPD for a year or more (I suffered for about 15 months). I personally felt I could do it on my own w/o medication.. Live and learn. I will never do that again. Talk to your doctor about it and see if they can give you a prescription for it. You'll be able to live your normal life for the most part, be able to enjoy your children more than if you weren't on medication.. Talk to your husband about it and he may be willing to go to a doctor with you. It's crucial that you get help as soon as you can. Some mothers even contemplate suicide if their depression gets bad enough. So get help! And if anyone judges you for doing so, just ignore them it's none of their business. You'll be a better woman for getting help and treating it as soon as possible. Hope it gets better for you!!! Best of luck!

Cailie - posted on 12/12/2009

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i went to my doctor and i got antidepressants!! i don't mess with that stuff!

JODIE - posted on 12/12/2009

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-*thankyou to all the mums out there that took the time to answer my question it helps me alot to know that im not the only one who is going through this.....it is very hard on my partner cause i get really angrey and take it out on him and dont even know im doing it.i need help yes i admit that but who will hel me..my doctor just laughs at me when i tell her.and there is nothing really i see funny about my problem.i love my partner and kids very much i dont want to loose them ...and if this keeps going i will...........olz someone help me!!!!!i want my life back and i want my family too....

Kimberly - posted on 12/12/2009

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My daughter is now 2, but I suffered what I thought was the worst depression ever, after I gave birth to her. I was very happy while I was pregnant and something just happened while I was havng her. Her birth was rather traumatic, and she went to the NICU.even though she was 8 lbs..there was something wrong with her lungs. It was so scary. But we were so blessed because she ended up being ok. But it was like the instant I had her, I had changed and I had no idea why. I just felt like I was a horrible mother, and that I didnt deserve her. With the help of my family, I was finally talked into seeking help, although it was very obvious...I would walk around a cry, I was so sleep deprived, I lost sooo much weight. Seeking help was the best thing I could have ever done. My hormones also started normalizing which I am sure helped as well. Giving birth to a human is a Huge Deal. People dont give mothers enough credit for what they go through. But luckily, I am doing much better. Even though I still suffer a little bit of depression but it is only situational because my daughters father left me and my daughter when she turned 1...right around when I started feeling better.

Keep your chin up. Focus on your beautiful children, and maybe find someone you can talk to. Venting to someone who is outside of the box...is extremely soothing.

Good luck. Also. I wouldnt mess around with depression...maybe you should talk to your doc.

sincerely,

Kim

Kerri - posted on 12/12/2009

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i had my first child in june 2009 and i got bad depression after it, i went to the doctors and he has put me on anti depressants also going to see other mums, gettin someone to look after the kids one night and just relax. even having some of ur good mates come round every so often just for a chat seems to help

Melissa - posted on 12/12/2009

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i had severve pnd with my first child the best thing i found was finding someone u trust and letting them come with you to seek help. i wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for my husband. learning to accept that you don't have to be super woman or a perfectionist also goes a long way. with help from a great psycologist opening up to your fears becomes easier and i found controlled breathing excersises helped with panic attacks. 2 years on i am medication free and have a 4 month old baby.

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