How do you deal with a father who isn

Mylea - posted on 07/27/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

15

27

4

My child's father is not around often and my baby isn't even here yet... I don't expect much from him but it's very hard to be alone and pregnant. There are alot of guys around but think they just wanna "hit it and quit it' if you know what I mean... What should I do to help cope with my, what feels like, extreme lonliness???

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Kate - posted on 07/27/2009

111

6

7

i know your feeling, my husband left when i wasnt even two months pregs, as with the guy thing leave them be, the aman that loves you and wants both of you will come. my knight didnt show until my kid was 7 months, as for the lonelyness got pets? they work great, same with friends just tell them your lonely girls understand, tell your mom you feel this way she will help you. trust me i know it sucks but once that baby comes you wont be so lonely.just remember your not alone that moving baby is with you always.

Erika - posted on 07/27/2009

18

9

0

My sons father was barely around when i was pregnant for my son. when he was born he was there at first but i thik it was because of all the excitement of the new baby. as my son got he helped less and less and would find any reason he could to leave and be with his friends. must be parenting got old fast for him (rollin my eyes) i finally got to the last straw and left him. he was so jealous at first that he wanted my son all the time and then once again he gradually started to have nothing to do with him. we went to court and i was awarded custody besides every other weekend and 340 dollars a month in child support. as soon as he found out how much he had to pay for child support he hired a lawyer to take me back to court saying he needed more time with his son. well h got one more day a month and his child support lowered. he followed the court order for about a month and then would come up missing for 3 to 7 days at a time. i hope your experience is different but i learned the hard way he will never grow up and he will never be full time in my sons life except when it is convenient for him :(

Tamika - posted on 07/27/2009

259

49

4

The bottomline, women become mothers from conception, and men become fathers(hopefully) at birth.8 times out of 10, if hes not around during the pregancy he wont be around after the pregnacy. I'm not saying he will be a dead beat, just dont be suprised. Talking to him will not help, cuz he has no idea and honestly cant begin to fathem where you are coming from. I went through the same thing with my 8 year olds fahter. He is still not around, I hope the story has a different ending for you and your baby. Just find a support system, feel free to send me a message if you like, not to say that these ladies cant help or dont understand, but I am wearing the same shoes you are, and have been rocking they for 8 years now. Good luck!!!!!

Shari - posted on 07/27/2009

12

16

1

Well first I would like to say while your pregnant, every feeling is extreme. It is a very emotional time for a women. Try to talk to the father and explain how you feel but don't be surprised if he doesn't understand. It always helped me to talk with women who were expecting or mothers period. They usually understood how I was feeling. But to entertain yourself, you should write letters to your baby or make a scrapbook of your life to give to your child. Take a nap [I know your tired :)]. Trust me, when that little bundle of joy comes, lonliness would be the last feeling you have.



Good Luck

Angela - posted on 07/27/2009

83

16

8

My hubby has been working a ton lately. There are days where he doesn't even see his daughter awake. Shortly after she was born he left for two weeks and I was by myself. It is really hard when you are alone. You really just need to find a friend or friends that can be there for you. Go out where there are people. Talk to strangers in places where it is okay to talk to strangers. I do about anything to try to be socail.

14 Comments

View replies by

Jeanine - posted on 07/28/2009

78

31

2

I have been in a similar situation as well i was with my boyfriend for 2 years got pregnant at 19 .. he decided he didn't want to give up partying and his friends and left me at 9 months pregnant .. he has very rarely seen my daughter , maybe 5 times her whole life she is now 5 years old .... i went back to school since i had to leave in my 3rd year of university because i was pregnant ...I hope one day she can look back and be inspired by everything i accomplished alone !!!! we have such a good relationship she is my little mini me and best friend .
I wont lie . IT is absolutely the hardest thing in the world to do alone ..... but stay strong for your baby..... your still pregnant right ? just wait till you see him/her for the first time you wont worry about man ever again .. trust me ...goodluck just stay strong :)

Dana - posted on 07/28/2009

2

13

0

Mylea..Take it from your big cousin...He doesnt have to be a part of YOUR childs life. I have taken care of my four all by myself. Cordeaire is 16, has never been in any trouble. Ronnie is 15, Jaromir is 11, and Jordan is 9. Trust me at the end of the day, Your child will know who sacrificed everything for them. So, Keep your head up, and move forward baby!!!!! :) LOVE YA

Mylea - posted on 07/28/2009

15

27

4

Once again everyone has touched my heart with all this support... This had moved me to tears, but happy tears :) THANK YOU all so very very much !!!!

Carolyn - posted on 07/28/2009

26

15

2

Surround yourself with positive friends and family. Join a church, it will give you some guidence and make you feel good about yourself. Don't just join but be active. It will pay off in the end. The hurt never goes away and your heart will always go out to your child even when people tell you that they are better off. I cried, read a good study bible, watched old movies and listened to good gospel songs.

Christine - posted on 07/27/2009

12

12

1

I too have experienced a similar situation. I had been with my daughter's father for 2 1/2 years when I became pregnant. I was only 19, living on my own and partying all the time. Our daughter was a complete "oops" and quite the surprise since I was on the pill. Well, being pregnant, I quit the partying, and started working more hours at my job to get enough saved up for maternity leave, and to have more money to buy baby things. Her father didn't quit- he was out with his friends almost every single night after work. What made me the most angry was that he's 9 years older than me- he SHOULD have been able to be responsible- especially after he promised he would be. We fought constantly during my pregnancy- I told him again and again that if he didn't want to be a father- he could just leave, but he always insisted that he wanted "our" baby. She was 11 months old before I got fed up enough to leave him.

She's 8 years old now, and he lives 2 provinces away- she's with him for an entire week visiting as I write this- the first time she's seen him in over a year. He's only required to pay $150/ month child support- and he's $1500 behind. Still a deadbeat- but he has his moments when he DOES honestly try, and you can tell that he loves his little girl.

For your sake, forget about him- you can't force him to be a parent- if he wants a relationship with his child- don't deny him that right- it can come back to bite you in the butt when/if your child finds out you wouldn't let them see the other parent. Take this time to pamper yourself, and learn to enjoy the solitude. (trust me, when you have a toddler hovering at the bathroom door because they don't want you out of their sight-or because you can't leave them for 2 seconds without them getting into something- you'll look back and appreciate the "loneliness" you have now!)

Being a single mom is HARD!! I spent 3 years on my own with my daughter- and we have the best relationship. I put myself through nursing school, and became a confident, self-sufficient woman, which, in turn allowed me to find the most amazing man in the world, and I've now been happily married for almost 3 years.

I know things seem bleak right now, and the pregnancy hormones certainly won't help- but hang in there! Take care of yourself- and if you ever just need a shoulder, feel free to drop me a line!!

Chrissi - posted on 07/27/2009

4

11

0

I know its hard but just try to stay positive. My husband was arrested and when i was 7 and 1/2 months pregnant. Our son is almost 4 months old and my man is still away. its hard but i think about the life i want for our son and push myself as hard as i can to be the best mother i can be. I used to hug my belly when i felt extra lonely... and the guys around you may want to "hit and run" but dont give them the chance to. if they are worth anything, they give you moral support without expecting sex in return.

Amy - posted on 07/27/2009

1

19

0

My daughters father and I dated for 6 years since we were 15 years old, I loved him more than anything..In December when i got pregnant he got angry and blamed me, but at first still came to everything. In February he abandoned us, changed his number blocked all communication got a new girlfriend and is now denying the baby, everyday is a struggle and so hard my baby is now due in 5 weeks and he still hasnt come around, Ive been dealing with the lonliness for 8 months now and it really doesnt get any easier no matter what you do, ive surrounded myself with all the family and friends i can, im never alone except when im sleeping and still its all i think about, and no one understand, they just say screw it, but when your going through it its not that easy..I hope your situation turns out better and the babys father wants to be there..Try and stay strong, i know its not as easy as everyone just telling you to. Im going through it to..Good luck and feel free to talk anytime

Mylea - posted on 07/27/2009

15

27

4

Thank u all soo much, I am truely touched that you all spoke up the way you have... Thanks a million moms :-D more HELPFUL comments welcome! thanks again

Jamie - posted on 07/27/2009

1,488

41

234

Surround yourself with family and friends. Stay away from guys right now, they just wanna have sex cause they know that cant knock you up, and figure if your pregnant and single you are easy. Stay healthy and stress free for your baby.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms