How do you deal with the mother in law?

Carmin - posted on 08/05/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

18

36

3

I can't stand my boyfriend's(aka baby daddy) mother, bad news is that he does not live with me because I rejected him twice about moving in together before... well when he moved in with his mother (in order to save), she quit her job and has been nothing but hell... Even worse we fight more and more and I wish I could take time back... I really feel and so do his other family members, that he is letting his mother influence him and I'm scared of losing him...

8 Comments

View replies by

Britni - posted on 08/06/2009

64

37

0

WELL my MIL.................. is being a pain right now, my husband is an only child he is 22 and I am 22 going on 23 and he is gone right now on deployment, and I am 9 months pregos, and she has not spoken to me since she found out I was pregnant, and Austin has tried talking to her and she is just really controlling and wants a dna test and bla bla and I HAVE no idea what to do so I just live my life and people say oh she will be fine when she sees the baby well thats not ok with me, Im here with no family and she lives 25 mins away.. so I MEAN I can understand being a little upset in the beginning but jesus I am 7 weeks away from delivering... and bla.. im done talking about it lol it just makes me want to scream lol.. but I hear ya on this whole MIL thing..

Lisa - posted on 08/06/2009

3

5

0

You should first understand that the two of you (you and MIL) have no obligations towards each other whatsoever! You and your babys' father are not married, therefore, she is NOT family, and you do NOT have to deal with her. Give her and your BF an ultimatum, she gets her act together, otherwise, she doesn't have to be an active part in your childs' life. It's YOUR child, make the best choice possible. You can learn a lot about a persons' character by getting tough and standing up for yourself.

[deleted account]

after 8 years of putting up with my MIL's shit my husband finally agreed that we dont need her in our life....she is no longer apart of mine or my daughters world.....if you dont want to go that route then you need to have a disscussion with your boyfriend...my feelings are that if its his family causing problems you should talk to him and then he should talk to them same if he has problems with your family

Jennifer - posted on 08/05/2009

1

8

0

Luckily I have the world's greatest Mother in Law! She is perfect! Unfortunately my first one was horrible. She was rude to me and very cruel to my daughters. Kill her with kindness. It will ruin her day!

Casey - posted on 08/05/2009

455

10

28

Honestly, your worried about a man who lets his mother run his life - that he might leave you? i know you love him but let him know firmly that he has to put you and bubs first or your gone. you need to be a team not a threesome. Whos the mother of his baby? You are. and that deserves respect and priority, His mum needs to realise that its time for her her son to grow up and be a man and father. :)

Courtney - posted on 08/05/2009

31

6

1

Best thing is COMMUNITCATION with first with your boyfriend, next with the mother-in-law, and lastly a face to face converstation with both of them together! Express how you feel to them indvidually then once you feel you are ready share it with both of them infront of each other.. LET THEM TALK AND TELL YOU WHY THEY FEEL THE WAY THEY DO TOO... Communitcation is key, do not be affraid to express yourself. Work together on being a family instead of fighting all the time... you also should not expect your boyfriend to disown her either she is his mom and her input can sometimes be correct... but I agree with Both these post don't say you do not like her... because it could cause him to get defensive and not want to side with you on some issues... and she needs to know her place and both you and your boyfriend should work on telling her how you feel and let her give her reasons for why she feels the way she feels...(maybe just that could solve all). Before you talk to them individually work on getting your feeling together first make sure you are postive this guy is worth it then talk to them! Good luck hope this helps... REMEMBER COMMUNICATION! Try not to interrupt them as to not cause a fight when they are expressing back themselves to you :) they may interrupt you (cause it is natural for people to do that) so that is why I am saying try not to do it to them either so it wont blow up in your face when you try to communicate your feelings with them. GOOD LUCK!

Terresa - posted on 08/05/2009

25

9

4

my ex mother in law assualted me 4 weeks after a caesarian, you have to learn to stand up to her or she will never learn her place, i also think you should talk to your BF about how she makes you feel, if he doesnt listen is he really that worth it?

Elizabeth - posted on 08/05/2009

20

22

5

Have you tried having a heart to heart conversation with him...if you havent when or if you decide to don't say that you don't like his mother it may send him on the defense and all you will do is argue. Just ask him what his opinions are about the situation in general and maybe hint that you think his mother's choices opinions or "good intentions" (whether they are or arent) are influencing him more then he should let him. Tell him its okay to make his own decisions even if they contradict hers. Tell him that you are afraid of losing him that you feel his mother is coming between the two of you...if your converstation starts to turn into a heated argument take a break until you guys both calm back down and take another approach. Trust me these kind of conversations do get out of hand when you let them and I feel you on the mother in law situation and I can almost guarantee you that what you are dealing with is nothing compared to mine. My mother in law is legally insane she has the paperwork to prove it so again I feel you on this situation hope it gets better

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms