How do you help a friend with parenting when they ask for advice, without hurting them

Katrina - posted on 05/27/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I dear friend of mine has been frustrated beyond belief because the doctors are telling her that her child is behind in a lot of areas. I gave some, what I thought was innocent advice and it so blew up. How can you help someone that is stuck with confusion and not hurt them with your thoughts on the situation?

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Amie - posted on 05/27/2009

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Ah don't do that. Then you're not being yourself. Plus if she's that good a friend she'll know. =) I know mine can tell when I'm holding my tongue. lol. We don't fight that often about much because we have reached an agreement of say what you want to say but understand I will do what I think is best in the end. It works. We still irritate each other some days but on those days we remove ourselves from the situation so we don't end up smacking each other upside the head. =)

Amie - posted on 05/27/2009

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Don't worry about it. Reassure her you only had the best intentions and then let it be for her to cool off. It's what friends are for and great friends can yell and rant get right PO'd at each other and still be friends in the end. =) One of my best friends and I do this from time to time. I love her like a sister but we have our differences, we're human. All will be ok, just give it a day or two.

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Katrina - posted on 05/28/2009

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I would have to agree with you.... It is always hard to hear the truth or suggestions from someone else because subcontiously I feel people are not ready to make the change that is needed.

Stephanie - posted on 05/28/2009

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I have a friend like that. I usually try to phrase things differently. Such as we do this with our son and it seems to help in this way. Personally I don't know why people ask for advice when they really don't want to hear it.

Louise - posted on 05/28/2009

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i guess it depends. i have friends who are ready to change and ready to acknowledge problems. i ask them before hand if they trust me enough and take any advice with a grain of salt. i hope they trust me that i do not wish to hurt them, but help them. if they're okay with this, i talk to them and hope they'd listen.

if i don't think they're sincere in asking for advice. i just tell them "you're an adult, you'll figure it out, you're smart". it sounds mean but it works for me.

i remember my cousin telling me some unsolicited advise saying my son will grow up ugly. now, that's just plain rude, i don't think that's in the same area of what you said to your friend.

Melissa - posted on 05/28/2009

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I think your friend came to you because she values and respects your opinion and sometimes things are hard to hear and it is sometimes easier to see someone elses problems then it is your own. I know recently a friend gave me great advice with my daughter at first I was embarreses but after I thought about it she had me and my child in her best interest and since trying what she said it has been a great change. She may need the same time you could try going o her or wait for her you know her best so that will depend on how she cools down best..... Friends argue and it only hurts so much because you love them if you didnt you wouldnt care what they had to say would you?

Amie - posted on 05/27/2009

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Exactly. Before we ever give each other advice, especially on our kids, we always start with... remember that I love you and I only want to help... =) I have no doubts it will blow over.

Katrina - posted on 05/27/2009

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Thanks... That means a lot... I just know that when it comes to another person's children you should tred on thin ice, but I have to be honest especially when my mother's instinct says otherwise.... You should always try everything before you settle on one conclusion... At least in my opinion :)

Katrina - posted on 05/27/2009

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I have never been one to sugar coat anything.. I have always been very honest and I know that honesty hurts, but yes I do have the best intentions in mind, but at the same time I hate having people upset with me... Should I just never give advice and hope they reach a positive out come?

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