How do you tell your 6 year old that the dad he has know his whole life is not his real dad?

Dennine - posted on 07/30/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Matt is doing to be 7 yr old this october and will be going into 1st grade. His real dad was a relationship i had my senior year of hight school. We broke up when i was about 6 to7 months pregnant with him. He came and seen him the day he was born and that was it. Matt does not hear from him or has never seen him. I do not recieve child support or any of those benifits all i know is that he is in the Marines.Shortly after matt was born I started talking with an old friend that i have known about 7 years we were neighbors and he went off to the navy. Well now we are married and he has been around for matthew since he was about 5months old. But Matt is starting to realize he does not look like zach and my husband Tim. I do not know how to tell him or if this is even the right age too tell him. If anyone has any advise i would greatly appreciate it.

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Marquita - posted on 07/30/2009

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I mean your child does have a REAL father. It is the man that you are married to. Nothing is worth taking that away from your son.

[deleted account]

I agree with Ryan, a father is someone who takes care of and loves a child, not necessarily the one who biologically made him. Good luck and I wish the best to you and your family!

Kayla - posted on 07/30/2009

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This is a delicate subject. I am going to share some experiences from people closest to me then my own. Here we go. My mother had my older sister and wasn't married to her father and it didn't work out. Then when my sister was 2 my dad came into her life and they swore they would never tell her. Well, when she was 10 years old my dad and mom got into a huge fight and she told him to leave. So he did and on the weekend he came to pick up just me and my little sister. My older sister asked him if he was mad at her and he said no and told her that he wasn't her real father. She was absolutely crushed. But my mother explained to her why it didn't work out between her real father and my mom. Eventually my mom and dad got back together and him and my older sister are really close. My older sister wanted to meet her father when she turned 18 and she called him and set up a time and he never showed. She said the hell with him I've had a dad all along. For me, my oldest son is not my husbands, and we are never going to tell him. I even went as far as having my husbands name ammended on his birth ceritficate. So no questions. As far as looks my son looks like me and my side of the family. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I don't need my baby looking for the "sperm donor" (that's what I call him because he wasn't good for anything else) who will disapoint him. Hope I helped.

Ryan - posted on 07/30/2009

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i would just tell him that looks don't matter tell him what a FATHER is its not someone whose sperm helped make him its the person that has taken care of him and loved him and been there for him his whole life and always will be there i thnk now is just as good a time as any to tell him especially if he is asking.. don't use my exact words especially the first part lol but just tell him that no biologically through dna he is not your dad but he loves you and always will and thats what makes him your dad and when your old enough you can decide whether or not you would like to find out who your "real" dad is but thats completely up to them we can't decide for them and if the guys not in his life anyways i don't see a point in bringing it up past that... good luck i know this is going to be hard for you!

Kayla - posted on 07/30/2009

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This is a delicate subject. I am going to share some experiences from people closest to me then my own. Here we go. My mother had my older sister and wasn't married to her father and it didn't work out. Then when my sister was 2 my dad came into her life and they swore they would never tell her. Well, when she was 10 years old my dad and mom got into a huge fight and she told him to leave. So he did and on the weekend he came to pick up just me and my little sister. My older sister asked him if he was mad at her and he said no and told her that he wasn't her real father. She was absolutely crushed. But my mother explained to her why it didn't work out between her real father and my mom. Eventually my mom and dad got back together and him and my older sister are really close. My older sister wanted to meet her father when she turned 18 and she called him and set up a time and he never showed. She said the hell with him I've had a dad all along. For me, my oldest son is not my husbands, and we are never going to tell him. I even went as far as having my husbands name ammended on his birth ceritficate. So no questions. As far as looks my son looks like me and my side of the family. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I don't need my baby looking for the "sperm donor" (that's what I call him because he wasn't good for anything else) who will disapoint him. Hope I helped.

Dennine - posted on 07/30/2009

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Yea I know what you are going through, I have seen movies about these people who do not tell the kids and they find out somehow and then the kids feel the the parent has betrayed them, and then there realtionship with the child is never the same and do not want that to happen.

Lori - posted on 07/30/2009

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im wondering the same thing. The father of my children died this last December and my 4 yr old will always know who his father is but my 1 yr old wont. I do have a boyfriend i have been with for almost a year...(my hubby and i were separated at the time of the accident) I wonder all the time how i am going to explain to him that his father is not his real father....

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