How far should/can step-parents go?

Debra - posted on 07/23/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )




My husband is the greatest but when it comes to parenting, he is a bit on the strict side. Our parenting techniques are really different. How far do you let your husband go with caring for and disciplining your child?


Penny - posted on 07/23/2009




If you are uncomfortable with his actions, then it has already gone to far. Those are your babies and while they have to respect him, if he makes you uncomfortable then I bet the kids are also. You are their voice.

Stacia - posted on 07/23/2009




I agree with Emma where she says that step parents are tha same as biological parents. I very much disagree with the part where she says they dont have as much love for them. My boyfriend has been dad to my kids for 2 1/2 yrs and he loves them just as much if not more than my ex (who is never there). My advice is to sit down and talk to him about what your expectations of discipline and his. See if you can meet in the middle or come to some sort of understanding. Ultimately its your desicion in the end ecause you are the parent. Good luck it can be worked out to where you are both happy.


View replies by

[deleted account]

we are havng this same problem in our home, my husband is the only dad my boys have ever known so he has free reign with disciplining them just as he will when our daughters old enough to wreck havoc! i think the important thing to remember is too never contradict your husband in front of the kids or they will use this against him.

Jasmin - posted on 07/23/2009




ive been with my new man for nearly 2 years... and my gurl is nearly 4.. i keep the parenting as my job and he just steps in if im stressed out for sum reason (not 2 often) and growls her if shes doing small things that she knows shes not alowed or something he said she cant

Vicki - posted on 07/23/2009




A step-parent should have a good amount of authority. Children will see if he needs to constantly check with the mom in regards to discipline.

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 07/23/2009




What you need to remember is that he is probably still in the process of "getting his bluff in" with them. What I mean by that is this: as parents there from the beginning we can threaten a lot and follow through when we see fit and they learn from that ... he hasn't had that luxury. Plus, he's not technically their dad ... and they know it ... he may feel as if he has to prove something to them for them to listen to him. Talk to him about it. There should be some kind of middle ground for you to compromise with. Good luck.

Vetia - posted on 07/23/2009




If you didnt trust his judgment with the kids you would not have married him. I have learned this with my husband too. He has to establish a standard with the kids even though they are not bioligaly his they are still his kids too and they are in his home. Kids love disciline they dont know it but they thrive on it. My suggestion is that discuss it with him away from the kids because it underminds his athurity,(sp?)

Emma - posted on 07/23/2009




step-parents are just the same as real parents obviously they don't usually have as much love or discipline for their step children as they would for their real children but they are still entitled to some form unless the discipline is seen as unfair for their step children and that they discipline their own children lighter. However, if your husband is the real father to your children then obviously he can care for them and discipline them as much as he likes unless you think as a mother it's too far.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms