How often do your parents and PIL see your children?

Yvonne - posted on 03/06/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




Due to looking for a new house, my husband and I decided to stay with my parents until our son was born and I could find a new job where we wanted to live (by his parents)... now the time has come to look for a house out there any my mother is completely offended that I would choose to move an hour away out near his family because it would limit the time she could spend with her grandson.

She told me that I was selfish and moving away from my friends/ family. Truth is, my husband and I have friends together out there, that I'm moving closer to, not away from... we're all in the same stage of life (recently married and new baby) we help each other. Also, my MIL was a stay at home mom, who now looks forward to babysitting our son when I go back to work because she just kind of hangs out at the house anyway with grown and moved away children. Both of my parents still work, they're only in their mid forties so they have a while until they retire, and would only be a help on nights and weekends (her being able to help is her reasoning as to why we shouldn't move) but staying around here our son would have to go to daycare.

Also, we were considering buying a house out this way, but after 11 weeks here my husband has just about had it. My mother is absolutely wonderful, but tends to be a little more parent than grandparent to our son. And has too much a hand in our life, because she "doesn't want us to struggle for ANYTHING" which is much more a hindrance than a help. It's kind of like "oh since your home with the baby watch your brother (we're 12 years apart) and I'll just work more to pay for everything for you"... super great if I was 13 years old, but not great since I'm trying to look for a new job and a house, and she's making plans for me to stay home the summer with my 11 year old brother. And then guilt trips me as soon as I talk about leaving, I almost feel like she's asking me to choose between my family and life, and her. I don't want to cut ties or cause a feud, but it's such an awful feeling.

My husband and I almost didn't get married... This same thing happened with our wedding until some of her coworkers she was talking to told her to back up.

I don't want to move away, I love my mom but I don't see how a well thought out decision to move somewhere best for my family/ finances could be considered selfish.

Any advice I'd love!


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Victoria - posted on 03/10/2013




You have to do whats right for you not them. My inlaws see Rio one day a week, as do my parents. I had problem for a while with the inlaws because like you said with your parents 'they were parenting, not grandparenting', everythings sorted now and i think once a week gives them a chance to look forward to seeing my LO :) your child your choice :)

Sarah - posted on 03/06/2013




Go with what you and your husband feel is the best for your family. You are always going to have other people's opinions. Some of them are worth considering, but ultimately you have to do what is best for your family (you, husband, and kids). Grandparents are an important part of a child's life, but that does not mean you have to live right next door to keep that importance. We live 5 hours from my husband's parents and 4 hours from mine. There are times I would love to live closer to both of them, but then there are also times when I am glad we have our space. It has allowed us to grow and develop as a family. We have learned how to work together as a team as we didn't have any family or friends when we first moved here. There are many things today that make it SO much easier to stay connect with family that live a ways away. We Skype, Facetime, send picture texts and texts, emails, etc. An hour away is really not that far. That is an easy trip to make any evening or weekend without it being a big deal. We do the 10 hour drive (5hrs each way) in a weekend.

Stand strong and set the boundary where you and your husband feel is approprate. Sometimes adults can be much like kids......they will push and push until they know where the boundary lies. It does not mean they will like it or will not complain or throw a tantrum, but it does let them know where you have drawn the line and that that line is there and will be enforced.

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