How old should child be to stay away from mother

Ashley - posted on 10/04/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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The father of my 2 month old daughter wants to have he for a weekend. Since she was born he has only seen her for a total of 7 hrs. 5 hours at the hospital when she was bron and 2 hrs when I brought her to see him. I don't know what to do because He is finally showing that he wants to be in her life but I dont think she should be away from her mother that long. Any advice?

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Jodi - posted on 10/05/2012

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I would suggest setting up a visitation for him to take her for short periods during the daytime so that it is easy for feeding (and you can perhaps pump the occasional feed to send with him). As your daughter gets older, those visitations can get longer, and eventually overnight.

Bekah - posted on 10/08/2012

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I say trust your instincts but if you can pump for him to take her for an overnight than I would by all means take it. I routinely leave my baby who just turned 13 weeks overnight with her father because I work 24 hour shifts. I always say I get more sleep when I am working the. I do when I am home! Is your lo sleeping through the night? If not is dad aware he will need to be up throughout the night? Good luck - the first few nights were hard for me and it still isn't easy for me to live my lo but I stay in constant contact with her father while I am at work and it helps.

User - posted on 10/08/2012

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I'm a single mother of 3. I've been through this kind of thing more often than i care to. From what i understand of your situation personally I'd say NO WAY!

If he wants to be an integral part of her life its something he needs to work towards, which means visiting her for more than 2 hours every 2 months. At the end of the day she doesn't know him and he doesn't know her. If he is serious he will understand that he needs to build a bond with her first and the only way to do that is to spend time together. Because of the little amount of time he has spent with her i wouldn't let him look after her without you around especially if you don't trust him. Until you feel confident about him taking care of her by himself. Remember that the important thing is that you KNOW not just think or hope that she is well and safe with whoever she is with. As a mother the most important thing i have learnt is to trust my instincts. You know what is best for your baby don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Ashley - posted on 10/07/2012

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I had a babysitter for my son for 8 hours a day when he was that age. I worked so I had no choice to leave him. He didnt have a problem with that. My daughter was the same way excpet she had to be watched in our house or she would have a problem. I say for a whole weekend without you since daddy doenst have boobs with milk, its not a good idea but for a few hours alone thats fine.

Amrit - posted on 10/04/2012

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That is still too young to be far from mother. Remember- when she cries, she wants YOU and only YOU. Especially if you are breastfeeding. Think about things from her perspective- she would be afraid being left with someone who is basically a stranger to her and she could also feel that you abandonned her. She is too young and fragile still. We adults never know what can traumatize our kids, and it is our job to protect them. The best way to keep them protected is to keep them with us- their mothers. I don't know the situation with the father, but if he only now showing interest, then I would be cautious and invite him to visit her where you are in the picture. Also, does he know how to handle babies? Would he lose his cool if she threw a fit and he couldn't help her? Any anger or frusteration that we feel our babies can feel too. You do not want to expose her to such things just to appease someone who it seems has chosen not to be a part of her life thusfar.

Be very careful, and STAY CLOSE TO YOUR BABY! She needs YOU. and ALWAYS ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCT/GUT/INNER KNOWING!

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Nikki - posted on 10/08/2012

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You're the mom and you know what is best for your child always remember that. It took me awhile to realize that with my first :) I breastfed my daughter for the first two years she never took a bottle she refused it didn't matter what kind of bottle we offered her. I did not leave my daughter alone I am a stay at home mom which I am very thankful for. Given the fact that he has not really shown any interest in her up until all of a sudden I would not be ok with him keeping her alone let along overnight. I would offer to meet him somewhere so that he can spend time with her maybe even his home if you are comfortable with this. If he really wants to be a part of her life then he will be understanding of her being so young and needing you especially while she gets to know him. Dont push her if she seems clingy give her time to warm up to him. Good Luck

Ashley - posted on 10/08/2012

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Yeah I don't really trust him especially bc he hasn't been in her life pretty much at all since she was born. So I guess slowly letting them build. Relationship with me present is the best. In just don't feel right letting her stay over night with him just yet. Especially since she doesn't know him well and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable.

Nikkie - posted on 10/07/2012

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My oldest sons father did not get to have him for any over night visits until my son was a year old and that was because he denied him for the first 6 months of his life and I just didn't trust him.

Amrit - posted on 10/05/2012

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exactly- stay strong. you know what is best for her and what is best for you. enjoy your sweet one :) the breast is best!

Ashley - posted on 10/04/2012

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Thanks for the advice. That's exactly how I feel. I just didnt want to seem like I'm keeping her all to me. I do breastfeed her so when she needs anything I'm there and like you said I dont want her to think i abandoned her. It's way to soon. We will have to start with visitation and if he doesn't understand that's too bad.

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