How to deal with a workaholic?

Christie - posted on 08/24/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband works all the time! He runs his own business and though I am happy he has work, he never makes time for me or our kids. We have had this argument so many times, it's a joke to even talk about it anymore. He gives me the same old empty promises and when the next job comes up, he's gone. Many times it is out of state jobs so we literally see him none for weeks at a time. He chose to quit his job and do his own business so he wouldn't have to keep going out of state. But, he still does. Even when he's able to be at home, he does nothing with our kids - within minutes he's irritated with them. He talks about work non-stop and I just don't know how much more I can take! It's driving me crazy. It's hard enough being at home 24/7 with 3 kids to not have someone who at least appreciates his family. Does anyone else deal with this??? What do you do??

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Amanda - posted on 08/24/2012

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My husband is a shift worker and often does double shifts so sometimes we barely see him for weeks on end depending on the shifts he is working.

I actually prefer him being at work.



When he's home he gets under my feet, makes more mess than both kids put together and when he does play with them it normally ends in tears because he winds them up too much or the kids fight between themselves and he doesn't know how to deal with it gets frustrated and looses his temper and shouts at them.



My son is also ADHD and has sleep apenea so he can be a major handful, hubby has no idea how to deal with him and normally makes things worse.

When he's at work, I handle the kids the way I need to and have them under control for the most part. I get to do what I want when and how I want to do it.



Work have now set a limit on the amount of overtime they can work so he is home alot more. He's also less crabby and has slightly more patience although I still have full control over the kids.



Maybe speak to hubby about how you feel and he may be able to cut down on the hours he is doing and make more time for you and the kids. There may be a reason he is putting all his time and effort into the business, my hubby worked extra hours so we could have a family holiday and we went overseas for a month.

Jodi - posted on 08/24/2012

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Is it that he is a workaholic and choosing to work, or is it that he has realised that working for himself is much more work than he realised?



Can I make a suggestion that there may be things you can do to help him in his business, which may mean he can free up some time for you all?



Also, I have found with my husband that when he is home with the kids, he waits for THEM to make the move to spend time with him. I have tried to tell him that he has to initiate the activity, because he is the adult, the kids are unlikely to initiate anything. So sometimes, it helps to actually facilitate an activity. Organise something specific for him to do when spending time with the family, don't make the assumption that he will do that. Perhaps make a suggestion that he take the kids to the park for a while, or that they go to a movie, etc.

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