How to disclipline our seven year old daughter's lying problem?

Krissy - posted on 10/03/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Ok, so I was recently married about 6 months or so ago. My husband has a 7 year old daughter and I have a 4 year old son. We honestly have a great family dynamic and get along very well. He divorced from his ex wife about 5 years ago. So the separation for her isn't anything new for her. I have been a single parent for the full 4 years of my sons life, he loves having a whole family. We are only able to get her on the weekends, so she stays with her mom during the week. We have a civil-ISH relationship with her mom. Her behavior only recently started when her mother and her ex husband started seeing each other, only to three weeks later move out. So I understand that aspect of her pain, I was from a divorced family as well. But the lying is just blatant, she told her mother that her father and I left her with his parents and wouldn't let her come with us. And that we were being very unfair to her, in comparison to my son. Trying to get her mom upset with us was really the only goal I could find out of this. When in reality we are much harder on my son because he's with us all the time, which we have noticed. So its not a matter of unfair. She asked to call her mother one night to tell her good night, so we gave her the phone to call her. She ran back into her room and immediately started crying to her mom saying she wanted to go home and we wouldn't let her. (and hadn't asked once all day to go home or call her mom). We even go out of our way to take her younger brother(from his ex wife's second marriage) with us if we can from time to time with us to birthday parties, zoo etc. to make her feel like she's at home and comfortable. I go out of my way because I am the "step" mom to try and do special things with her to make her feel just 100% loved and accepted, which I know takes times. We are just at our wits end as to how to punish/deal with this type of behavior. And because her mother doesn't see the behavior as something that needs to fixed or even dealt with, she actually thinks its cute when she back talks or says something completely inappropriate. Which at our house doesn't go, co-parenting is definitely hard when every one isn't on the same page.

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Lisa - posted on 10/04/2012

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That sounds super stressful! I can see in your post how much you love your step daughter so it would be hard not to feel betrayed by her lies, especially if the only intent you can gather is to cause conflict between the adults in her life. All you can really do is keep reminding her in simple language what her lies are doing to you and the family in general. It will take time, patience and a whole lot of repeating yourself (calmly) but she will have an aha moment when her lies cause her more pain than the short second of negative attention they generate.

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