how to get the spark back in my relationship?

Cornelle - posted on 01/15/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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ok let me start at the begining. My fiance has a daughter of 4years old and i know that's he's whole world nothing would ever change that! We were together for 2years and we split then i found out i was pregnant.... After my daughter was born we decided to try again my father was (and still is) against our decision. So 3weeks after Anelle was born Daddy couldn't see her because i was living with my father so i moved back. This have been shaky ever since. He didnt support me through my pregnancy at all the only time he was there was the day she was born. Now things are starting to go sour and i want to know how to make it better? I feel like i'm nothing and the children is everything there is no more spark between us. He's daughter plays us off against each other and he doesnt he it! She doesn't see her biological mother anymore. I have no say when it comes to anything. We don't spend any time together as a couple and when i suggest that we do something alone he's reply is anything we can do the kids can do with us. Most of the time i'm asking myself the question: " what am i doing here". I love him and don't want to lose him but really i also have needs! He's daughter doesn't listend to me at all and all he has to say is i'm to hard on her and sometimes i am unresonable. All i want is a daughter that respects her elders and have good manners. I feel like i am fighting a losing battle here!

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Cornelle - posted on 01/15/2013

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We'll we are not on the same page when it comes to dicipline and i dont know how we can get pass that? He thinks because he's the man of the house he has the last say wich in other words mean he has the only say. And that's the main reason his daughter doesn't listend to me because he doesn't so why should she? I understand that she doesnt fully trust me because i was the second mother that abandoned her and she and her father will probably always hate me for that. How do we make peace with the past?

We still live with his parents in a 1bedroom appartment we and the children use to share i room but i moved the house now that our room is in the livingroom and Danica can have her own space i mean she is 4year old after all! and so that we could have some privicy! But now he doesn't want to close her room's door at night so we don't have any privicy. We dont have a sex life anymore, because of the privicy reason and a while ago when we had a fight he told me that he feels forced to sleep with me because if he doesnt i get upset....

Michelle - posted on 01/15/2013

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For starters you 2 need to be on the same page when it comes to discipline of the children. If you don't agree on the rules of the house, how are you going too agree on anything else?

If he has sole custody of his daughter than you are a co parent and you have the right to enforce the household rules.

My husband has all 3 of my children on a saturday when I work but they all know the rules and he has every right to hand out punishment to my boys (who aren't his). We each have the same agreement on the household rules and all 3 children (1 is his and the oldest 2 aren't) know what is expected.

My husband and myself don't spend time outside the house on our own as we made the decision the have children and have made the decision to spend our time at home with them. We do have our own time when they are asleep though and we make up for it then.
When the children are asleep why can't you dress up in some nice lingerie and seduce him?

My husband and myself have a whole drawer of fun things that only come out when the children are asleep. It doesn't have to take hours but 20 mins having fun can recharge and reconnect you.

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