hubby to be addicted . what next??

Suzi - posted on 02/17/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Hiya everyone, ive not posted in a while its been hectic. Im gonna apologise now for the length of this post. My head is set to burst and this is my only outlet!!
When i was pregnant i found out that my fiance was addicted to prescription drugs, i supported him thru it and he stopped taking them, he relapsed four times, the last time my five yr old daughter found a pill and bought it to me, we argue over it all the time but his lies continue to come . For the last two weeks ive been positive he has been lying but he made out i was paranoid due to postnatal deprrssion, so i stopped breastfeeding and got some medecation, today i found out that he has been lying after all, and dipping into our wedding fund to buy these pills, im worried the lies will never stop, my boy is seven weeks, what if when he gets a little older he finds a pill, and isnt old enough to know to bring it to me, i love lee with all my heart and i know he loves me and wants to stop, he now has a drugs counciller but im findin it very hard to carry oj. I dnt kno what to do...can i still marry him?? Pls help!!

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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE open your phone book and find a local Al-Anon meeting! These meetings are for the children and spouses/significant others of those who are addicted to substances. They are FREE!

Only you can make the choice that is right for your family (Stay or go) but the support of these meetings will help you - I promise! I was in a very similar position.

11 Comments

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Rachael - posted on 02/22/2011

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this is a very difficult and personal decision. Addiction can be difficult. It is a disease, and a chronic one. It is a lifelong condition which will always have risk of relapse. That said love is a strong emotion, one that can overcome the seemingly insurmountable. Before you decide if you can still marry your fiancee or not see if he is willing to go into a treatment program. Inpatient programs have the best results but are also expensive. I do not know where you live but Narcotics Anonymous is a 12 step program similar to AA that utilizes meetings (as often as multiple times a day to start) and the support of a sponsor to help get through daily struggles associated with addiction. You should also get some support for yourself. You should join a support group for spouses/significant others/loved ones of addicts. The groups may be able to help you make your own decision. Best of luck, you are walking a tough road. I wish you strength

Aimee - posted on 02/22/2011

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i had a ex like that but he was an alcholic so i went to the doctors and asked him 4 advice so he told me to get him help with a counciller and that did not help so i booked him into rehab and he went and when he come back he was ok and we got married so if i was u i would get him help first by talkin but if that dont help them get himinto rehab if u think it will help him hope this helps and good luck

Amanda - posted on 02/22/2011

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my situation was (is) so simalar it is frightning. My BF of 11 years and father of my 2 children5 and 2 has been abusing pain killers for 5 years now. At first i didn't think much of it. he said he had back issues. I thought as long as he was open about it he would be fine. then his insurance ran out. he started spending an crazy amont of money on them. I had a serious conversation about stopping and he agreed. It was not 2 months that went by before he was on them again. we had a screaming match and he again promised to stop. For a year i thought he was clean but i doughted it all the time. He called me crazy and paronoid said we would never work if i didn't trust him. So i went aganst my beter judgement and let the red flags go.(constently questioning my sanity) Then my son found cut straws. I freaked out and he promised to stop once again. told me it was just a one or two time thing. not even a week later i found a bag with pills in it on the floor. It was suboxin. I googled it and it os used to help people get off of pills. I confronted him and he said he needs them to quit. i knew at that point it was more then the once or twice he made me think, i was crushed. About a month later we went on a weekend trip with the kids. I could here him snorting in the bathroom. I was pissed but let it go. once we went to bed i grabbed his phone. i went through his texts and pulled all the numbers out that had anythng to do with pills. I sent out a text to all the numbers stating i was giving the local police all the texts to put each and everyone of them on the radar for selling pills. Well that blow up an My BF was far from happy. i had cut him off of every sourse he had. that night when we had made it home i told he need to leave i was done with the stress and i just wanted my time and energy to go to the kids. He left and went to rehab. We have been working things out but he is going to a counsler and i can give him drugs tests at anytime. We are much better off now.
Let me just tell you this. If he is not getting help then he is lying. He is an addict he loves you and the kids but he is not going to stop. you need to be willing to let him go if he is not going to help himself. He will just lie more and more. My situation i know id far from over but i know i will be fine if things work or not. I love hime but i don't need him
I hope this helps

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Suzi - this isn't just about Lee, YOU need help yourself, either through a therapist or counselor, or a support group. I suggested AlAnon as it is free, however if you have insurance that will cover it, seeing a therapist will be helpfull.
YOU are an important part of this, you need to get help for yourself! it is naive to believe that his behavior and addictions have not affected you in some way.

Suzi - posted on 02/18/2011

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thanks girls, lee has been to a drug councilling place qand is feeling positive, im a lil more sceptical im scared to trust him again :( i hope this is it this time but how do i know? x x

Kristy - posted on 02/18/2011

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Wow, you need to find a counsellor, support group and support not just for your partner but for you also. You can go to your Gp and talk to them and they can give you different places you can go to for help. you can't start a marriage based on lies and if you don't trust him now then it wont get any better. I can see you love him dearly but he needs to really want to stop this for himself, not just for you and the kids before he will actually stop. I am not trying to be mean or put him down, just in my experience with people having drug addictions, to both prescription and illegal drugs, they have to want the help themselves before they will stop. You cant (unfortuanetly) help someone who wont help themselves. Good luck, i will be thinking of you, this is a very hard time for you.

Sharlie - posted on 02/18/2011

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you need to get some help from a professional, it will be hard work to gain your trust again but addiction is like an illness. find a councellor :)

Danielle - posted on 02/17/2011

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plz plz private message me, i dont want to share my life story on here, but im sure i can give you some help.

Erin - posted on 02/17/2011

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You cant start a marriage with such a lack of trust. Very justifiable lack of trust on your end!
I can tell you love him and want to help him, so get him into counselling or rehab. Its the only way hes going to be able to beat his addiction, after so many relapses, I bet he has very little faith in himself, even if he wont admit it.
I wish you all the strength you will need, and hope for the best possible outcome!

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