Husband does not want anymore kids but I do! :(

Kim - posted on 02/07/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My husband had our almost 6 year old son at a young age, when he as born i had an IUD placed and we both agreed in 5 years after it was removed we could have a second child, Well the time came and went and i had it removed and the subject was brought up by me of course to him, so when can we have a baby?? He told me he does not want any more kids and how could we afford it. He told me the only way we could was for me to find another job that pays much better, get health insurance, and pay off some bills. Well i changed jobs, have health insurance and paid off some credit cards. At this point we have a few bills left but are financially stable. The conversation came up again after 6 months of not speaking about it and he finally said he does not want anymore kids and that one is enough. My heart is broken over this decision. I even tried to compromise with him that we didnt have to get pregnant until later this summer but he said it was still to early. I dont want a huge age difference between the kids and its climbing right up there. I dont know how to cope with this decision i have so much resentment towards him but could never leave him. What should i do, how do i cope? btw our son is amazing hes very easy going, very independant i dont want to see him grow up alone.

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Michelle - posted on 02/08/2014

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The only thing I can suggest is sitting him down and having a heart to heart with him. Tell him what you said on this message board; it was agreed that you would wait 5 years. After 5 years he tells you that you can't afford another baby unless you get another job with better pay, health insurance, and pay off debt. You have done that, and now he doesn't want any more kids. Let him know that he made you believe that if you did these things that you could have another child. Ask him, what has changed?

However, before you talk to him, you should think a few things over yourself. You both already have one beautiful child. You want a second child, he does not. You should consider the possible outcomes after you two discuss things. If he is still adamant that he does not want any more children, is that something you can live with? Is having more children a make it or break it situation? What is the maximum amount of time you are willing to wait if he needs more time?

Then when you two are discussing things, if it looks like he still says no, remind him that this is a marriage and your thoughts and feelings on this matter do matter too, and he should at least give it serious consideration. If after serious consideration he still feels strongly against more children, then he should provide a better answer than the need for financial stability. (Financial stability is the excuse my husband is giving, and it is pissing me off because I don't believe it is a real answer. A concern, yes, but not a real reason to not have kids. I say that because if you wait until you're finances are a certain way, then having more kids just isn't going to happen. There will always be something that comes up.)

Also, you could try something. I'm not to sure about it, but I thought I'd throw it out there. MY sister and brother-in-law wanted kids but wasn't sure if 'now' was the best time. My brother-in-law was actually on the fence of having a baby because he was terrified, and wasn't 100% sure he wanted kids 'now'. So they decided they would not try to conceive, but they would not prevent it either. They did this for 'not trying but not preventing' for a specific time frame. By doing this, they sort of left it up to fate.
As I said, I'm not too sure about that, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

Hope this helps, and good luck.

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