Husbands Baby mama drama...need advice!

Jessica - posted on 02/25/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Im married to a man that has 2 other kids with his ex and try's so hard to see his kids but the mother will not let him see them if he is still married to me! Thats really childish of her...i know she hurting because she was with him for 10yrs but he chose to leave because they had a very bad relationship. He had broke it off with her many times before in the 10yrs but every time he found someone else she would uses the kids to get him back. Sad:( But this time it didn't work he married me and she wont let him come close to the kids at all! To make matters worse we had a baby last year and it got worse and she even went far enough to lie and say he was going over to her place, well u can guess what else she said. It really almost ended our marriage. But soon after that i found out from her friend it was all lies! I just wish she would realize shes hurting the kids in all this. We ever moved 200 miles away to get away from all that drama...she wouldnt let him see the kids so we figured if we moved she would change her attitude. Well when we would go to see the kids he would let her know that we were coming up there and she would plan a time and day to meet but when the time came she used every excuse in the book so we couldn't see them. He even would leave me and our daughter at him moms and go try and see them. She still wouldn't let him. We just now found out were having another baby and now im worried shes gonna get worse or do something stupid! We are planning to move back to our home town but he doesn't want her to know because he says hes done w/ her and is never gonna try to see his kids again because shes just hurting him. I feel bad because i know what hes feeling but it hurts to think hes giving up! What should I do? I try to talk to him about it but he doesn't ever want to talk about!

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Joshah - posted on 03/04/2010

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I am in kinda the same dilemma. What I would tell your hubby is if he really wants to see his children he right have to get the courts involved.... It's something that is a long and hard process but, it's worth the fight for the right to see his kids. Because he does have the right to see them!

What I did was actually talk to my hubby's baby mom... even though we all still going through drama with her. She has a new respect for me and she knows I would never hurt her kid. I did it through e-mail and I'm kinda glad I was the bigger person.

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Tytiana - posted on 07/30/2013

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my hubby baby mother and him were together for a short period also. However he cheated on me. I was the bigger person and walked away to allow them the chance to be a family. That did not work out we were not married at that time. well years later him and I hooked up again about 3 years ago we got married. She has been the opposite we dont hear from her at all. However she is friends with his sister and his son is always at his moms house is the only way we talk to him. my issue is she uses his family to try and stay close to him. sometimes she is at his mothers house when we call. she will speak to him but doesng acknowledge me at all.The thing is we are planning to move back in the area right now we are a few states away from his family and baby mama. however he isnt making any money where we lige now and has a great job opportunity there. I trust him to go ahead of me but not his family. He has told me hiself he doesnt trust his sister who does not like me and is friends with his baby mama.
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Belinda - posted on 03/03/2010

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If he doesnt want to talk about it dont push him he will when hes ready. I'm in a similar situation and as sad as it is we dont see his kids anymore for their own benefit they were just getting caught up in their mothers games and like you said they were the ones (as well as dad) that were hurting from it all. We too got married and we invited her to the wedding to show no hard feelings, big mistake she just went out of her way to ruin our day. Given time we hope they will come to us on their own free will now that theyre kinda getting old enough to make up their own minds. We have just recently had a baby of our own and were hoping that they could know each other but its not looking like this will happen anytime soon. I know its heart breaking for you as it is for us but all you can do is be there and support your husband with however he wants to deal with it even if you disagree after all thats what a mariage is about! And whatever you do dont let anything she says poison you against him every thing she says will no doubt be lies shes just bitter he loves you so dont forget that HE LOVES YOU!!

Jessica - posted on 03/03/2010

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Thanks for the advice girls! I had a talk w/ my husband and for now he is staying away from the kids...its sad but he feels its never going to stop. His mother has also got involved and now there is trouble. She is a very head strong woman and my husband is her baby boy and no one messes with him! So lets see how this works out because were moving back to our home town this weekend but he has no intentions of seeing his kids yet. He says waiting for her to find a man so she will leave him alone! I just pray it doesn't get worse when she finds out were having another one.....

Cookie - posted on 03/03/2010

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Well yes he is gonna hurt that is his kids I have gone through that same situation and it is really sad to see a woman use her kids in order to get to a man well I wasn't married to my husband yet but his baby mother WAS a bitch she couldn't stand me and she even went as far as to have her child call my house and asked for her daddy but then on top of that when I gave him the phone she would take the phone from the child and try to hook up with him and she didn't even know that she was on speaker phone.But she is going to keep doing this if he is taking care of his children he can go to court and get custody his children are what hold him up keep him going just hug him and tell him that it will be ok and we will fight this battle together.

Danielle - posted on 02/25/2010

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My hubby's ex was a bit the same we had contact with his daughter every second weekend then we moved in together and she made it harder for us to see her then we bought a house and announced our engagement which really pis*ed her off. She kept declaring her love for him but because it wasn't mutual she went off the rails. Shortly after we married in 2008 we had his daughter for the weekend and on Monday we recieved a letter in the mail saying she wanted no further contact with her (daughter) who was only 6 at the time. She has a much better life with us and her mother is getting help but it has nearly been 3 years since we have heard from her. Sometimes my husband says that he wonders if he made the right decision with being a part of his daughters life. Because he decided to be a part of her life her mother couldn't come to terms with not having him and playing happy families. My advice is to see if there is anyway they could live with u guys and see their mum on alternate weekends through the court system because their mother sounds like she needs help just like my hubby's ex.

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