I am 22 and feel like I have lost myself

Dixie - posted on 10/20/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am 22 and mother of a 1year old, as well as SM of a 6year old and 5 yearold who we have got full custody of in last few months. I love all 3 kids dearly but have felt recently that I have lost perspective of who I am and the really me. Ever since meeting my husband things have slowly been put on hold. I am no longer doing my study and am purely focused on the kids and keeping the peace with th BM of SD and SS.I feel like I am just expected to do everything with no help and not only is my relationship suffering but so is my opinion of myself as I don't feel like I know who I am anymore. Any advice on how I can get things to feel a bit more managable and not nessecarily go back to the person I was but find and love the person I am now?

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Bobbie - posted on 10/20/2012

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Stress can pull a sneak attack on us when we aren't aware. Though you love those in your life you may not have experienced anything so all consuming as motherhood before. Whether the children are bio or step the job is 24/7. We get no regroup time to recharge and find balance. Before my kids came along I didn't have college or any career to leave behind but still I felt like something was missing sometimes. As if the only thing I had to look forward to was more of the same, which made me feel guilty because my family was everything to me. Still, it can get so all consuming. Let's face it, when things started to build up on our shoulders we could take a day off from school or call in sick from work. If our partner was seemly taking us for granted we could stay away for a while or call them and say we need some time to ourselves. Motherhood has no such escape. Without the "release valve" from the pressure, emotions, lack of sleep, constant request to give of our time we get to the point of not being able to deal with other issues in our lives, there is nothing left over in us to draw from in stressful situations such as husbands who don't understand, seemly do not appreciate our efforts and the baggage he brought with him is transferred over to your shoulders.

My only suggestion, since I could never really find a way to cope myself, was to monitor my emotions. If I was feeling highly agitated and stressed I took a look at the calendar to see if my period was coming up. Seems after childbirth I had hormone overload. These times seem to really fall in line with the feelings of being really overwhelmed and not knowing who I was anymore. Just knowing your own body and getting in tune with it will help you identify when you need to just not discuss certain things with your husband or deal with those people that are difficult. That actually gives yourself that little break that you need when you need it most.

I had a homeopathic doctor friend tell me the best advice that I am passing on to you. To know yourself you need to connect all of you, mentally, emotionally and physically. That knowledge is power.

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