I am a wonderful mom but a terrible wife.

Julia - posted on 07/05/2009 ( 48 moms have responded )

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Since baby in may 2009 I have found the thing that I am turely great at and that is being a mother. I love my baby more than anything or anyone in the world including my husband. I put my baby and being a mom before my husband. I take out my emotions, mood swings, stress and frustration on him. He works all day and then I want him to help me when he comes home. How can I be as great a wife as I am a mom. I love my husband and want to have a long happy marriage.

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Sydne - posted on 07/09/2009

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The most important relationship in the family is between the husband and wife. Every other relationship is affected by this. You may think that you're being a great mom by focusing on your baby but remember you are first and foremost a woman and those needs have to be met for you to be fulfilled. That involves being a great wife too. Take time out for your husband, remember to do things for him every now and then, and when you feel yourself getting frustrated and taking it out on him, try something else--writing in a journal, locking yourself in the bathroom and screaming, whatever it takes so that he gets the loving side of you too. My husband and I have a great marriage and we saw a counselor a few weeks ago for tips on how to make it better and stronger (we have a 19 month old and I'm 9 months preggo) and she suggested letting him have 1/2 hour after work to chill out then he can jump in and help. If I'm having an extremely rough day and really need help I can call him before he gets home and let him know. That way he can prepare himself to taking on everything for a little bit. Once I've gotten some me time I get right back into it. Just communicate. That's the biggest thing. What's really making you stressed and frustrated?!? Is it that he's not helping you enough? Is it that you feel like you have no time? You're not responsible for your feelings, but you are responsible for how you act on them. Hope this helps. I'd love to chat anytime about it.

Kimberly - posted on 07/05/2009

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when you have a baby you ride a roller coaster of horomones for months afterwards. Your husband has been standing next to the ride watching you for a year now. His fustration may be that he can't help, or do anything right by you. And he probably can't. It's not easy running a household and raising a baby. There are no lunch/coffee breaks. There's no "down time". You can't just take a break from your work and hop over to the next cubicle or office and see what's going on there. Your husband feels that he's put in a long days work and deserves some rest when he comes homa and you haven't stopped all day, so you feel you deserve some rest. While I agree with you, that when he walks in the door, you should get a half hour to just lay down, or get something done. Consider hiring someone from high school that can come over for an hour or two before your husband comes home to allow you to catch up with/or do household work for you or so you can take a nap. That way when your husband comes home, you are caught up or rested (what mother can't use a nap) and you can focus a little more on him and spending quality time as a family. He in turn will want to focus on you.

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Mandy - posted on 07/09/2009

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The best way to be a wonderful mom and wife at the same time would be pick a special night that just you and your husband go out. Find somebody to watch your baby so that you and your husband can have a romantic night together. That would make him feel special and you would feel better that you and him get to have some alone time and dont have to worry. That doesn't mean that you will call and check on the baby but try to limit calling and checking on the baby to once every hour. I know the feeling about being a wonderful mom and terrible wife but I put one night a week or a month however you feel comfortable to spend my time with just my husband but I did call to check up on my daughter every so often. So I hope my advice will help you.

Kimberly - posted on 07/09/2009

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At this time, it's normal to bond with your baby! But don't forget, your baby will grow up and want a life of their own someday. Make time for your husband! Remember that it was your husband that you had a baby with and the love you have with him will be there when the kids move out!

Holly - posted on 07/09/2009

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This is sooo normal. You are not alone. I fell into the same situation after my daughter was born. My husband and I would fight and he would be so jealous of the baby cause she got all my attention. I would take everything out on him and expect him to come home after a full day of work and help me. As you settle into being a new mom, things will change. You will start to catch up on your sleep which helps with alot of your emotions and mood swings. You will find time for your husband again and your relationship will grow stronger. Just remember that you are experiencing the biggest change your relationship will ever have (becoming 3 instead of 2), this will take time to adjust to!!

Amanda - posted on 07/09/2009

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Being a mother is a full time job just as much as your husbands is. He may not realize that being a mother is not only an 8-10 hour shift it is 24 hours a day. You need time too for yourself. My husband and I rotate days and have together days and it works out great. Work or no work if it is his day he takes care of our son and I can go to the store or whatever I want for a couple of hours and the same goes for him on his days "off" he does whatever he wants then we meet in the middle. Just remember that although you may not have a 9-5 you deserve some time to yourself too.

Susan - posted on 07/09/2009

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Take time for the two of you! My husband and I did this via a marriage encounter weekend last December, and it helped. Visit the WWME website at wwwme.org for a weekend near you. Children are an outward symbol of your love, but the stresses of everyday life and raising them can make you forget why you had the child in the first place. Our weekend really helped us. No matter what is going on in the day we always find 20 minutes to communicate with one another. This has really helped us also to deal with all the other stressors in a more loving manner together.



I highly encourage all parents to do an encounter weekend! Even your kids will thank you!!

Kelly - posted on 07/08/2009

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It is completely normal to feel the way you are. My daughter is 11 weeks old. My husband and I had a lot of adjusting to do. I am totally focused on being a mom, everything else gets put on the back burner. My husband is great at understanding this. He does whatever I ask him to do, but I have a habbit of not including my husband in some things. What worked with us is we spilt up things we do. I get up with her during the night, then around 7 my husband will take over and let me sleep, he does the bath at night I dress her. What I am getting at is teamwork the more we did as team with her the more we spent together and the less forgotten he felt. Also even if we both are tired when the baby goes to sleep we take the time to sit downstairs for a little and talk to each other about our day and just listen to each other. It has worked for us. Good luck and I promise it will get easier.

Julia - posted on 07/08/2009

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Quoting Elizabeth:

There is nothing wrong with you wanting him to help you when he gets home. So what if he is working all day. Being a mom is a full time job 24/7. I have the same issue. I work full time and when I come home I take care of the kids. When he gets home he just eats dinner and sits down. This pists me off. They need to know they need to help to even if its to give the baby a bath or to feed the baby dinner while you clean up. Even the smallest things helps out alot.



I never said my husband doesnt help me. He does help me with whatever I ask and more he is super sweet to me and puts up with alot. Sounds like your husband is the terrible one not me or mine.

Shaena - posted on 07/08/2009

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im the same way but i do things even though im tierd i rub his back or his feet and talk it saved us even 5 10 mins while baby is in swing chair what have u that 5 10 min makes him happy all about him for just a min might make his day :)

Tiffany - posted on 07/08/2009

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being a new mom is so hard. its like juggling the wife job and mommy job. u feel like you are neglecting your significant other. i would wake up in the middle of night for feeding feeling so bad because i didnt want to be my daughters mother. all you can do is be the best mom and wife you can be. when the night winds down ask your husbad to take over for a hour take a bath relax, let the last feeding of the evening be your husbands job. fathers always love that personal time to get to know their child. the other route is talking to your doctor about post partum depression. i went on lexapro for 3 months and it balanced everything out. just remember to keep your head up and you are doing your best and love that baby with everything you have.

Charlie - posted on 07/08/2009

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i think its good to remember your husband is your LIFE partner give all the love and guidence you possibly have to give ( sounds like you already are ) to your baby , but remember that baby is going to grow up and leave home and start their own family one day and you will be left with only your husband , i think sometimes parents can get so involved with their children they forget about each other , and when the time comes that the child is all grown up , the parents have nothing left in common , nothing to talk about because they have either been ignoring each other or fighting , and their is nothing better for a child to see then their parents in love , its a great example for them to follow , i hope everything works out well for you .

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2009

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O honey, it's just cuz you just had a baby. You will adjust and your emotions won't be so erractic. It's a huge life change, and hard to get used to. Hormones go crazy for a while after birth. You are doing the right though, putting all ur energy to being a mother. Are you getting enough of a break? and enough "me" time?? I find that it's REALLY important for me to, for I will just be sassy nonstop. My hubby helps me a lot when he gets home and that helps but even with that I do enjoy the kids nap time so I can shower and think of myself. Try to adjust your schedule to think about your self more, like putting off the dishes or laundry and take a bath. Sounds like your like every good mommy out there and and putting everyone above yourself. You just need someone to tell you you need "me" time, and you do! Your hubby will understand. If it continues maybe it might have something to do with ppd? I would see a doc once it's been like 6 months. Hope that helps!

Lauren - posted on 07/08/2009

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i think what your dealing with is totally normal, i actually feel almost the same way!! and its so nice to know i'm not the only one! i agree 100% with Kimberly Gillette.

Alicia - posted on 07/08/2009

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Wow, you spoke straight to my heart hon. I am 22 with a 2 year old and a 1 year old. I am a full time online sutdent, a soldier and in Army National Guard and mostly a SAHM. I know what it is like to never have 10 minutes to yourself, and taking that out on my husband when he gets home. I want so much to be a good wife and mother, but I can't seem to do it all. I am not sure what I can say to you to help you out. I haven't figured it out all that much myself. Although, I have come to the realization that not having the cleanest house on the block or making sure my girls are involved in a ton of outside activities, and just sneaking in a power nap while they are down for their nap have all really helped. You can't expect perfection out of yourself, and you can't expect it out of him as well. One of the things that I have done, is give my husband 20-30 minutes of quiet time when he first gets home. That gives him time to go to the restroom take off his tie and shoes and seperate from work. Once he has had that little break, he is better able to help with the kids and dinner or whatever else that needs done. He is also really good about giving me time while he bathes the kids after dinner, because I give him time after work to unwind. I hope that some of these ideas work for you. I know it hasn't made things perfect for me, but 20 minutes of rest in the afternoon instead of mopping the floor or doing another load of laundry really helps. I know that marriage is about communication, understanding, cooperation and compromise and it takes a ton of work, but you seem like you want it to be successful, so keep that in mind and it will work out! Good luck hon!

Tanya - posted on 07/08/2009

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Having a baby puts a lot of stress on a relationship, it takes time to learn to juggle both rolls. With my first baby It took a lot out of me. Be honest with your husband! You've noticed what the problem is now is time for you to fix it. Plan an evening for you two, go out if you can or just after baby is asleep plan a late snack and a game :) Tell your husband you've noticed that you've been taking stress out on him and that you are still learning how to juggle being mom and wife. Talk about how baby has put stress on the relationship joke about the way you've been acting but be honest! Truth is your husband probably has stress he isn't telling you about that the "new" baby has put on him. Listen to him, see how your lives have changed. After you both talk about all the stress and changes talk about how you can change the things that have been going on.



Maybe when your husband gets home you need to kiss him and agree that you will just go jump in the shower and take an hour before talking about anything!!!! You can take a shower and relax then maybe you need to write a "letter to your husband" telling him all the stressful things that went on that day and anything on your mind but don't give it to him right away, you may feel better just getting them out and you may not need to give it to him.



My husband and I have something we do at the end of the day about 30min to an hour before we plan to go to bed we drop everything!!!! And go to bed we lay opposite eachother and rub eachothers feet and take turns sharing our day - this way we don't feel like as soon as the person walks in the door we have to tell them everything we know we'll have later to talk about our stressful (or good) day.



I if you need more suggestions or maybe just someone to talk to find me, i'll listen i'm no stranger to this... And many other stressful times in a relationship :)

Melissa - posted on 07/08/2009

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I have two girls age 7 and 2.5, I am a stay at home Mom, so I spend all day with my kids, my whole world revolves around them, my husband and I have been married for 13 years, when you have kids your husband definitly takes the back seat, but it is important to remember that when the kids are grown and moved out, it is back to you and your husband, and you want a relationship to still be there, that is something that I try to remind myself, your relationshio with your husband is very important, and no matter what try to pay attention to him and make him feel loved and needed, I find it hard to do, but I plan date nights at least once a month where the girls go spend the night with their grandparents and we go out by ourselves and do the things we use to do before the kids were born, also I try to make Friday and Saturday nights family night until about 8:00 or 9:00 p.m. then the kids go to bed and we pop in a movie and relax together, it is very easy to get trapped in the kid circle, but your husband is so very important.

Amy Marie Rose - posted on 07/08/2009

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I always try to put his feelings first. I didn't always do that, you have to work on it. I also try to put the kids to bed early so we can have some quality time alone. Another thing I do is take a nap so I'm not so tired when he comes home from work.

Charlie - posted on 07/07/2009

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HORMONES !!!! arrrrgh . he needs to know being a mum is a full time , 24 hour a day job and he needs to help you out when he can , but i truly believe the backbone to a family is a great relationship between parents , your child is going to grow up and model his/her relationships on what he has seen mummy and daddy do , it does take a little extra effort once you have a child , but an effort well worth it ! keep up the good work with your little one .

Heather - posted on 07/07/2009

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Things will soon come together. I was (and sometimes still can be) a mess when my son was born. I still sometimes find myself asking my husband to get up in the middle of the night to get our son, when he's working 2 jobs totaling 16 hour work days. I felt like he didn't quite "get" that my job was just as tiring as his is (I still think more....but what mom wouldn't! haha) But just know that you're not alone, every new mom goes through the samething...Just enjoy the ups...and get through the downs. Things will come together...it just takes time :)

Sarah - posted on 07/07/2009

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Explain to your husband what you are going through, and also let him know you understand that he works all day. Maybe you guys can come meet in the middle somewhere. Like maybe after he relaxes once hes home, he can do something while you do something for yourself. Sometimes men just think we sit around all day, they dont realize that it is very time and energy consuming to be a mother. Sometimes the babys cry alone will make u exhausted. Communication is the best thing, he'll also appreciate you more if you talk to him and he sees how hard you really work all day, WITHOUT PAY! LoL. Sometimes mis-communication is what makes relationships fail. Hopefully he'll do his part in listening and understanding you. Sometimes men don't even want to talk. Good luck, you sound like a wonderful mother AND wife!

Michelle - posted on 07/07/2009

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The very first thing I thought of when I read this- hormones/postpartum. I went through the exact same thing. Actually every little thing about my husband drove me nuts. All I wanted to do was to be able to concentrate on my baby. I felt overwhelmed and like I knew I could be a really good mother or a really good wife but I couldnt wrap my head around how I could possibly be good at both. I think sometimes the best we can do is acknowledge how we are feeling, be honest about our feelings, but sometimes recognizing that they are simply feelings and out of your control at the moment. Hang in there and it will pass. Remeber these hormones can last for about a year after delivery...good luck, I am sure you will be just fine.

Tana - posted on 07/07/2009

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I try really hard not to take too much out on my husband, but sometimes it's really hard. I'm 8 months pregnant with our second child and our son is almost 3. If anything happens with him (acting up, hitting, etc), it somehow becomes my fault because I'm around him too much and he's not around enough and that sparks an argument: me defending myself and trying to reassure him that he's doing what he can after all, he is working 12-16 hour days as a chef.
I try so hard to keep in mind how hard he's working, what he has to do (we're in the same industry), the stress level he must have, the fact that he's diabetic, and feels helpless when it comes to me not having a "good" day. Some days I take my frustration out on him, other days are better and I'm able to just laugh it off.
We've agreed, that when we go to bed, we can't go to bed angry. We talk about what happened during the day and what we can do as a couple to make things better. Sometimes I have to tell him that he needs to do more because I'm physically not capable of doing certain things around the house (such as cleaning that damn litter box, ew.) Sometimes he just asks me to be more patient, since patience is a virtue that some parents run low on (such as myself). They should sell patience at Walgreens, I'd buy 'em out daily!
Never feel like you're being a bad wife if you're doing your best. Your best is all you can do. Marriage is a two-way street and a partnership. Sometimes that street narrows on a switchback with no safety nets, but if you work together and help each other out with communication, time, and support, you'll both make it through.
I agree 100% with a date-night! My husband and I do it. Sometimes it winds up being us going to the red box to rent a movie, putting our son down, and curling up in the living room with a bottle of water for me and a beer for him just spending quality time together. Every once in a while after much begging and many guilt trips...I even get a foot rub! Give it a go and see what happens! Best of luck to each and every Mommy on this board. I'm sure we can always use some good luck on our side.

Dana - posted on 07/07/2009

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i read the book by dr. laura how to feed and properly care for youre husband, its awesome. the baby needs you i agree, i used to do the same thing, but so does youe husband without him you arent a complete family, and we all want our kids to have a family, im also a sahm, but we have to realize that is our job, that is what we chose, so they went to work for the day give them time to unwind when they get home, make them feel important how was youre day, make them dinner, then let him decide when to help you and spend time with you and the baby, life will then be more pleasant. just my opionion..

Samantha - posted on 07/07/2009

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try getting a babysitter for a night so that the two of you can go out (or stay in) and have a nice relaxing dinner and catch up. you can't loose sight of your relationship. make sure you always tell him how you feel. also it might be part of post partum depression, i was the same way when i first brought our baby home and still am from time to time. possibly talk to your doctor about it.

Jennifer - posted on 07/07/2009

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I feel the same. I get frustrated cause I have to plea for him to hold the baby for 5 minutes while I clean the yard or something simple.

Keira - posted on 07/07/2009

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Quoting Elizabeth:

There is nothing wrong with you wanting him to help you when he gets home. So what if he is working all day. Being a mom is a full time job 24/7. I have the same issue. I work full time and when I come home I take care of the kids. When he gets home he just eats dinner and sits down. This pists me off. They need to know they need to help to even if its to give the baby a bath or to feed the baby dinner while you clean up. Even the smallest things helps out alot.


 



This is so true.  Like i said earlier, even if it is just holding him/her for 10 minutes, or giving baby a tubby so you can get something done (like shower), it is a step in the right direction.  If he IS helping out quite a bit when he gets home and you still feel this way, you might have a touch of the baby blues (or even post-partum depression).  You don't have to be feeling badly toward your baby to have PPD, and its symptoms are similar to regular depression - mood swings, irritability, exhaustion, etc.  Of course, those are all symptoms of new-motherhood too!!  Good luck.



 



And Samantha - Hormonally challenged!!  LOL!!

Samantha - posted on 07/07/2009

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everyone has the same feelings and thoughts for a period of time after they have a baby...remember you just had a baby! besideds being sleep deprived and "hormonally challenged" your baby is your first priority right now. once you have reached a period where you feel like you can leave your a baby with some one you trust, have a once a month date...just you and your hubby go out and have a romantic evening! (that means NO baby just the two of you)

Emma - posted on 07/07/2009

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Quoting Elizabeth:

There is nothing wrong with you wanting him to help you when he gets home. So what if he is working all day. Being a mom is a full time job 24/7. I have the same issue. I work full time and when I come home I take care of the kids. When he gets home he just eats dinner and sits down. This pists me off. They need to know they need to help to even if its to give the baby a bath or to feed the baby dinner while you clean up. Even the smallest things helps out alot.



I totally agree with this. My husband is a wonderful man and never once complains if I ask him to help out when he's finished work as he knows being a mother is a 24/7 job and he appreciates that.

Emma - posted on 07/07/2009

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Quoting Elizabeth:

There is nothing wrong with you wanting him to help you when he gets home. So what if he is working all day. Being a mom is a full time job 24/7. I have the same issue. I work full time and when I come home I take care of the kids. When he gets home he just eats dinner and sits down. This pists me off. They need to know they need to help to even if its to give the baby a bath or to feed the baby dinner while you clean up. Even the smallest things helps out alot.



I totally agree with this. My husband is a wonderful man and never once complains if I ask him to help out when he's finished work as he knows being a mother is a 24/7 job and he appreciates that.

Emma - posted on 07/07/2009

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This is very normal. Hormones are still raging and the first person you take things out in would be your husband. I know how you feel as I would do anything for my daughter and husband but I always take my emotions out on my husband. Trust me if your husband was going to leave he would have done so already. Just try to count to 10 if he does something to annoy you or if you feel like you are going to stress out on him and remember what he's done for you. It helps me and I hope it helps you

Elizabeth - posted on 07/07/2009

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There is nothing wrong with you wanting him to help you when he gets home. So what if he is working all day. Being a mom is a full time job 24/7. I have the same issue. I work full time and when I come home I take care of the kids. When he gets home he just eats dinner and sits down. This pists me off. They need to know they need to help to even if its to give the baby a bath or to feed the baby dinner while you clean up. Even the smallest things helps out alot.

Melinda - posted on 07/07/2009

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I feel the same way. I had my daughter July 2008, and we are coming up on her 1st birthday. My husband and I got married May of 2009 and I am the worst wife, and I know it. I dont really know how to change it but I know that in order for us to make it it has to change. Its frustrating and I take that frustration out on him. He never does it "right" when it comes to her and I'm the one that gets up in the middle of the night and then he complains when I ask him to get up with her when she wakes up in the morning because I'm exhausted from her waking up at night. He works 2nd shift so he doesnt get home till midnight so I dont mind the middle of the night shift if he didnt complain about getting up at 830 or 930 to take care of her so i can sleep an hour or 2 later. And I'm the one that is always having to tell her no. She rarely wants me because of that, if her dad or her grammy is there she wants them because they are the "fun" ones. I'm the one stuck at home all day everyday doing the mundane parts of taking care of her such as dirty diapers and feedings etc. They are the ones that get to come home and play with her and then give her back when its important stuff. It gets so frustrating, and dont get me wrong he changes diapers etc, but I am the one that does it most of the time since I dont work, and I dont mind doing it but I just never seem to have a break unless I beg for it.

Michelle - posted on 07/07/2009

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i feel ya. My husband seems jelous at times cause i give the baby so much attention. i just love my baby and don't want to miss anything. I love my husband too but the love is different somehow i can't explain it. I want to be a good wife,but i forget how.

[deleted account]

I was having the same issues and I have just finished reading the book "Babyproofing Your Marriage" which shows points from both how the husband and wife feel when a new baby enters the picture. It really helps to see how your husband may be feeling to the situation of a new baby too. My husband is now reading the book and can see where I'm coming from. When I tried to explain things to him or he tried to explain things to me about how we were feeling, we would just end up frustrated with each other but this book shows that all couples go through the same thing. It's also light-hearted and humurous which has kept my husband reading it. Good luck!! It does get better :)

Olivia - posted on 07/07/2009

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I was once told that a happy family begins with a happy couple. It is very easy to put children, work, and whatever else comes with life, ahead of each other. Marriage is work, but just like you choose to be a fantastic Mommy, you can choose to be an incredible wife:)

Stress, mood swings, emotions....all of that is normal. But most times, probably isn't his fault, and doesn't make him deserving of a verbal thrashing. I was great at doing that to my husband before realizing that he wasn't making me this way.

Jenn - posted on 07/07/2009

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Wow Ladies I Feel The Same Way That Many Of You Posted! I Dont Feel Like I Am Good Enough For My Husband Anymore. I Dont Know What Is Wrong With Me Lately I Am Very Emotional. Its Like My Husband Works All Day. Comes Home For Me To Hand Her Off To Him So I Can Have A Few Minutes On The Computer Or Down Time. Then I Get Upset Cause He Doesnt Even Want To Spend Time With Her When He Gets Home From Work. He Wants To Unwind In Front Of The Computer! It Really Upsets Me. He Gets Off Work At 530 Or So Then Doesnt Get Home Till Close To 6 And She Goes To Bed At 8. Maybe Its Just Me. But I Feel Like He Doesnt Ever Spend Time With Her. She Would Rather Be With Me Then With Him. He Has A Hard Time Calming Her Down. Maybe Thats Just Because I Am Still Nursing Her I Dont Know.
Thanks For Posting This Julia

Keira - posted on 07/07/2009

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I feel the same way sometimes. My husband is fantastic though, and he unwinds after a long day by giving a bottle and cuddling our daughter. If we were breastfeeding, I can see how it might be more difficult to make myself distant during their evening bonding time, so I guess that is a good byproduct of having to bottle feed. I do get exhausted by the end of the day, and I know he is tired too, so I try to offer to do diapers or bottles even when he is home, but he really loves to help. Is there anything that he can do in the evening with the baby that he finds enjoyable? If so, maybe you can take that time to yourself, even if it is just 10 minutes while he is holding the baby.

Also, feel free to put your baby down during the day and watch TV for a bit, or read a chapter in a book. You can still be a good mother if you take a few minutes while baby is resting to read, surf the web, or watch TV.

Remember, you will not be a good wife or mom if you are constantly stressed, feeling like you never get time for yourself, and that your identity has been lost to marriage or motherhood. Heck, hire a babysitter for a day and go out, get a pedicure, run your errands in grown-up time ('cause everything takes three times as long with a baby in tow), grab lunch with a friend, etc. Getting out of the house and having some unwind time to yourself is well worth the couple bucks a sitter would cost.

[deleted account]

I think every new mom goes through this at some point or another. The important thing to remember is that you want to show your child what a healthy relationship is, so don't give up. What really helped me was making plans with my girlfriends for a night out every-other Friday. My husband knew that as soon as the kids had dinner, I was out the door for a night out with the girls. Then, we'd find a sitter for Saturday night, and go out just the two of us. This really, really, really helped us! The night out with the girls helps me remember that I do have a seperate life from being mom/wife, and the date night helps us stay strong as a couple. It's still going to take some work (I still have to remind myself to bite my tongue once in a while), but these breaks can really help. Good luck!

Jessica - posted on 07/07/2009

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Oh man, I'm so glad that I am not the only one that feels this way! I don't have an answer for it I'm just trying to adjust to this crazy life! :)

Kirsty - posted on 07/06/2009

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I find myself doing the exact same thing, m poor partner has to put up with all my mood swings and me being generally horrid. Don't be so hard on yourself your hormones are still all over the place, I'm sure he understands. If I realis I'm being like this to my partner I stop say sorry and have a hug. Fridays after a long week we put madam to bed and have a hour to ourselves, having a takeaway, a chance to talk or whatever, I would really recomend you doing the same if you can. Things will get better and you'll find a happy balance it's still early days.

LeeAnn - posted on 07/06/2009

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I totally get your point of view. I love my husband unconditionally, and my two kids. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter who is Autistic, and also a 15 month old daughter who is still nursing. My husband is the only one who is working, and I am a stay at home mom and wife. My husband is also putting himself through college right now. Somedays are hard...I sometimes take out my frustration on my husband, and then feel awful...a vicious cycle. When my youngest daughter was still new, my husband asked me if I loved the girls more than I loved him...I bawlled, and said that I couldn't answer that...I felt torn, and felt that if I said yes, I was a bad wife, and if I said no, I was a bad mother. I later thought about this question, and decided that I do love my husband more...in the sense that had I not met my husband, I would not have my children. I married my husband to spend my life with, and my children are a product of our love. They will learn and grow, and someday move out, and start thier own lives...he will still be there. I have to make a concious effort to make him a priority in my life. I think that what you are feeling is totally normal. There will be ups and downs, and it will take some getting used to, but there is a balance, and you will find it.Good Luck!

Mel - posted on 07/06/2009

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sometimes it aint possible. i am like you great mum, horrible partner, i put him down yell and scream tell her hes a bad dad threaten to take brianna and leave etc. sometimes its just stress or just i my case in the personality. i love my partner and daughter but my partner comes before her because well he is my life partner , and at the end of the day we'll always love each other and im sure u and your hubby will to

Roswitha - posted on 07/05/2009

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Just think of it this way, you know what's wrong and you're working on a way to correct it. That in itself shows that you still care and love your husband. And know that you are not alone. I myself am working on making my husband above my children. Biblical stand point (and sorry if you're not religious. This is just what I always try to reference.)... but God first, husband, children, and then yourself. So, maybe a little prayer would help you to refocus.

Wow... maybe I should listen to my own advice.

Desirae - posted on 07/05/2009

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the best advice i could give you would be this... you are a wonderful mother and the best way for you to be a wonderful wife as well if for your husbend to make the efferts to be a wonderful father as well you bouth are the parents and you bouth are the spouce you have to find a balance between the two and it needs to be done equaly on bouth parts. good luck with this you seem like a strong and smart women im shore you and your husbend will find away to make things good again.

Jamie - posted on 07/05/2009

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I think what your dealing with is totally normal. As everyone in the house gets used to your new addition things will be rocky. But they will smooth out. I think bringing a baby into a relationship is a true test of communication and understanding. Good luck and remember its not going to be this way forever.

Stephanie - posted on 07/05/2009

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I know that I am having a difficult time being a mother and a wife. My son is nearly 11 weeks old and I am just now feeling like I am getting a handle on being able to care for him as well as the household! I definitely take out my frustrations and worries and stress on my husband. However, I have found that even though we are both exhausted by bed time, it really helps to take a half hour or so and really talk about the day and about my outbursts and the root of them. It helps us focus on eachother and it helps my wonderful husband know that I appreciate any help I get from him when he is home from work. Through our communications, we have found a great balance. Although, it is definitely a work in progress and I believe that it always will be! Just keep in mind that as long as your marriage is strong and you and your husband are a united front, your baby will always feel loved! Showing love to your hubby does not take anything away from the love you have for your baby. I am glad that I am not the only one who is struggling with this issue though. Thanks for your honesty!

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