I am ready to start a family, but am I too young to start trying to conceive?

Kayla - posted on 01/06/2014 ( 32 moms have responded )

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I am 19 years old, I will be 20 in 5 months. I have been with my husband for 4 years though we married two months ago. I moved out at 15 due to the fact that my father was a drug addict and my mother severely bipolar. I had to grow up fast. I have been living with my Husband since I moved out. He is a contractor, he runs his own business. I have been having baby fever for a long time now. I can't wait to start a family, every time I hear of someone else becoming pregnant I get very jealous. I see a baby and just think how precious and beautiful they are and how I can't wait to hold my own baby someday. All I can think about lately is having a baby. I really would like to start trying and I know my husband would make an amazing dad but I'm not sure if I am too young. Any opinions?

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Alisha - posted on 01/07/2014

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I can relate to you personally with the parent situation. Been there an it does make you grow up and just not think like girls our age. I've been with my husband for 7 yrs and married 3 yrs with a 2 yr old and we had our daughter right off the bat. I feel if your husband is as eager as you are go for it.

Brenda - posted on 01/06/2014

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Hey Kayla! I personally think its never too late or early to be a parent. I guess I say this because I myself am 19 years old. Have been with my husband for almost 5 years as well. And we have a 3 year old boy and one coming our way. I also had to grow up fast due to similar situation. It changes your life for sure and it can be hard at times but every minute is worth it and nothing can compare to what an amazing gift it is of becoming a parent. Only you guys are able to determine if you are ready or not. Then again nobody is really ever ready. As long as you and your husband are together on it and support each other you're good to go. Family becomes your number one priority. Of course everyone has different opinions. Im just putting mines out there for related reasons. Im sure you'll be a great mommy! Hope i helped a little. :)

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2014

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No, that's okay. I often see posts from women on these boards who are suddenly faced with defiant and horrible teenagers who make the comment "but I gave them everything they ever wanted and this is how they treat me", and this is exactly where they went wrong, but they often can't see it :). Just wanted to make sure you understood the difference!

Jodi - posted on 01/20/2014

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"I want to be able to give my child everything he or she wants"

Kayla, this statement you made bothers me. This is actually dangerous ground. It is one thing to want to be able to give your child everything they "need", but to give them everything they "want" is not a really good idea. Just some advice from a parent (of much older children) to a future parent.

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Brittany - posted on 01/24/2014

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As long as your husband is supportive and especially if you're financially ready and emotionally ready then that's even better. I say go for it!!! I'm 22 and my son is now 10 months old. Your age goes out the window when you realize how much of a blessing they are and how much joy they'll bring you. But anyway I think you should go for it. As long as hubby's ready too :)

Kayla - posted on 01/20/2014

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Thank you Jodi, that is what I meant and thank you for correcting me. I meant to say need rather than want. I have two little brothers who I practically raise and I know the difference. Thanks for correcting me though, I didn't realise I wrote want. :)

MEMORY - posted on 01/20/2014

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I am 20 and 21 weeks pregnant,realy never thought i was ready.because my life was just starting to take direction.but now i can't wait to be a mommy,my boyfriend is extremely supportive and my family and his aswell.i feel blessed,good luck.

Kayla - posted on 01/13/2014

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Angela in response to your comment, my husband does want a child and he said he is ready whenever I am ready. And with regards to saying that wanting a child isn't a sign of maturity is definitely true I understand that 100%. I am far from immature and my point about growing up fast was that maybe that is the reason I want a child so soon as to me I don't feel 19. Its obviously hard to express my personality online so I understand your point. The reason I thought Desiree was referring to alcohol and going out to clubs etc was she said when I am 21 I will be able to go out and not have to worry about a baby. 21 is the legal drinking age in a lot of countries so I assumed that when she said going out at 21 that meant things that required being the legal age. Whereas where I live the legal age is 19 and I do not go out nor do I have any interest in it. I am a home body as it is but reading each comment from everyone has been very nice. I want a baby but I want to be able to give my child everything he or she wants so it is a big decision. I just wanted to get opinions from everyone.

Lil - posted on 01/13/2014

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I ended up pregnant at 19. It wasn't planned & I wasn't married but I was in a relationship for a yr & 2mts before it happened. It caused a lot of drama btwn me & my boyfriend bc he had a 3yo son already & wasnt ready for a second. He suggested abortion but I was against it. We still were together & he finally came to terms w/ everything around when I was 6mts pregnant. Now my baby is 6wks, I'm 20 & he's 23. He & I just had a big blowout for the last 2wks abt him feeling like I forced him into being a father again when he wasn't ready. I dnt kno if he'll ever get over it. He says he loves my daughter & he's gona be in her life as a father should but its still not fair. I've forgiven him tho. I'm glad that u are married & ur relationship is long term. Just make sure he's ready also bc I dnt want u to go thru wat I went/still going thru. Age doesn't make u a parent. Time does.

Johnsonk528 - posted on 01/13/2014

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Hey Kayla , I think if you are emotionally and mentally ready for a child than age is not a factor. There are some mothers out there who are in the mid 30's and 40's and aren't good mothers or really should have had a child. If you and your husband are on the same page ,and have a clear budget and ideas on how a child should an should be raise than, it's a start in the right direction. But only you can truly answer the question of are you ready. There will be hard times, and struggles but you have to know that in the end it all will be okay and it a part of motherhood. I'm wonder are you able to take care of yourself, without your husband support ; just because you always want to have a back up plan or ways to make ends meet if anything were to go unplanned , and it tend to happen right when you're pregnant or already a mom ;) my best advice is to talk to God, yourself and then your husband but no ,19 is not too young, I myself had my daughter at 19 and she is the most precious thing in the world to me and I wouldn't give her up for anything. If you are ready I'm sure you will be a good mother ;)

Jatoria - posted on 01/13/2014

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Hi Kayla! I don't think you're too young at all . If you and your husband are ready and are financially & emotionally ready for a child then go for it! I am 19(will be 20 in a few months) & I am pregnant with my first child , me and my fiance have ben together for 6 years(high school sweet heart) & I couldn't be happier . We were not trying to conceive but we weren't doing anything to stop it either . I'm excited to become a mom & wife.

Kayla - posted on 01/12/2014

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Thank you Trixie, though I am only 19 I can say without a doubt that I have experienced a lot more than almost everyone in my age group that I have came in contact with. I cant describe to someone who doesn't know me but I don't feel 19 and my mentality is definitely not that of a 19 year old. I think since I have grown up so fast is one of the main reasons I feel like starting a family. But 23-25 was originally when I was going to start trying for a child.

Kayla - posted on 01/12/2014

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Thank you Melanie, yes what I went through and still continue to go through is hard but that would in no way effect my ability to be a mother, in all honestly I feel it is what will make me an even better mother. I practically raise my twin brothers, they are with me almost everyday of the week and I love them more then words can describe. Not having my parents and me having to be the parent was hard yes but I wouldn't have I any other way. It made me grow up fast but it taught me that family is everything and I would never want a child to have to go through what I went through. I have my brothers all the time and I love having them here so does my Husband. We both do not drink, do drugs smoke party nothing. He runs his business and after that we mostly are home bodies. I appreciate your opinion though, I have been to counselling.

Kayla - posted on 01/12/2014

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Thanks Desiree but the legal drinking age here is 19 not 21 and I do not drink or anything anymore. I don't enjoy it, I stay home mostly all the time because that's just not my scene. My Husband hasn't had a drink in 3 years. Yes I am young and thanks for the opinion hun :)

Rhistar81 - posted on 01/12/2014

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It sounds as though you are emotionally mature enough to take this step. But I would encourage you to talk more about this with your partner. By all accounts it sounds as though you are in a loving & supportive relationship, and having children really changes the dynamic! I would recommend if there is anything you wish to fulfill with your partner do it before trying for kids. That being said, if you and your husband are both willing and ready just go for it!!

Sarah - posted on 01/11/2014

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You know when you are ready, I gave birth to my son at the age of 20. I didn't think I was ready, but when I was pregnant I figured it out that I was. My son is now the best thing for me.

Desiree - posted on 01/11/2014

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Babe you are toooooo young. Enjoy this time. Travel just you and your honey. (Then travel after with your child) When you turn 21 you will be able to go out and enjoy without worrying about baby. There's so many things I wish I would have done before I had my girl. Also everyone I know start a family young are now divorced. Usually it's the man that felt too tied down and they just leave out if nowhere.

Stephanie - posted on 01/10/2014

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Sounds just like me lol my mom moved far away almost right after I graduated I moved right in with my bf we have been together 3 years and last year I had baby fever bad my niece was just so cute I had to have one of my own ur definitely not to young if u had to grow up fast like me too:) I got pregnant at 19 n here I am almost 21 with a 3 month old baby boy n doin great:)

Jodi - posted on 01/10/2014

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Wow, Brooke, that's amazing. I gave birth 100% naturally to my youngest at the ancient age of 36 and was up and about walking immediately after, and was back in my jeans within 2 weeks. In fact, incredibly, for my advanced age, I even gave my walking frame away after the first day!!

Age has absolutely nothing to do with it, and there are just as many drawbacks as benefits to giving birth at ALL ages.

Brooke - posted on 01/10/2014

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Fact: Being pregnant when you're younger has a lot of benefits actually! So if you are totally ready and stable then I would say do it! Don't let your age be the only thing making you wait! :) I had a c section with my first and I was 18 years olf. 30 minutes after the surgery was done (and 30 minutes of begging the nurse to let me) I was up and walking quickly! They were amazed! (and no I didnt work out at all while pregnant either!)

Susan - posted on 01/10/2014

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age means nothing im 19 and have a 4 month old son. Fell pregnant at 18. If your ready go for it! No time is going to be prefect things will fall in place for you as long as you can afford to look after a child and have a loving family for the child to be born into to then why not!
Your life will change so much once you have a baby so it also depends on your maturity. Only you and your other half can decide this:) I think you will be fine

Melanie - posted on 01/10/2014

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age makes no difference. your maturity and readiness is what matters. personally. children are a blessing and you sound like you will be a great mother someday. however, I would take care of yourself from the sounds of your childhood, I would seek counseling to ensure that you wounds have healed. if your not well, which im not saying you are not, then the baby doesnt have an outstanding mom to care for them. however, my fiance grew up the same way. his babysitters were a biker gang and his mom was a druggie/prostitute. his father was in some forest tied to a tree. I grew up middle class with a nice set of parents and friends, and saw a military man who wanted to put that life behind him. He wanted a child badly, and being newly engaged I wanted to make him happy. days after birth & fast forward to even yesterday. he gives our son 5 minutes of daddy time a day. he has no interest in our child. it was the thought of having a child i think. i think he needs a lot of counseling. that is hwy i strongly suggest working on yourself first. you never know what skeletons that will come out of the closet once that baby is in your arms... your child will need you more than you will ever know.

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2014

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How does your husband feel about it - you haven't mentioned that. When it comes down to it, this is a decision between you and your husband.

Trixie - posted on 01/07/2014

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I'm 26 and I am pregnant with my second child... I love my children. Its very hard though and not cheap.... I'd say if your financially stable, go for it.... Other wise no..... A child is very expensive. And if your anything like me, even much more so.... I give my daughter what I didn't have growing up.... I get expensive pictures done yearly.... I personally think you should wait until at least 25- your 19 and haven't got to really feel what a young adult is like....

Chet - posted on 01/07/2014

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If you have been together for four years, your relationship is stable, you both want children and you can provide a home for them I don't see why not.

Kayla - posted on 01/07/2014

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Thank you Brenda! You definitely did help, I appreciate your opinion! I'd love to chat more (: I have some questions!

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