I am to my limits need advice bad

Lora - posted on 06/01/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I am a mother of a four year old who lives with his grandparents . I see him almost everyday and the way he acts is breaking me part as a mom

He has a mouth on him he has a really smartass comment to everything you tell me

he lies about things that are totally serious example he told me about two boys that were walking down the street whom he has never met and he said that the boys go to school with him which they don't they were teenagers and he said that they touch him all the time , By biggest fear is that he will tell someone these lies and believe him



and that he likes to hit people and lie and said that they hit him first knowing the teacher saw the whole thing



I've done everything i've been told and things I know to do and nothing works I've put him in timeout taken things from him everything!!!

I'm to the point I am about to pull my hair This is my frist baby and know there won't be another

i really need some advice on what to do

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Jessica - posted on 06/02/2009

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It is very common for children to be sexually abused by the people that they have around, he may have made up that those kids did it but it could have been done by someone else. He could have been testing and seeing how you would react to those children or just trying to get some of his emotions out.

His negative emotions are probably coming from him feeling not payed attention to and not feeling important. When he acts out he gets attention, how often are you able to see him? Maybe if you take him out for the day if possible and truly having a good day once a week would prob. help him. Focus on the what he does positive and give him attention for that.

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Jessica - posted on 06/02/2009

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If your worried about how to approach him you might need a neutral 3rd party such as a child psycologist. I would probably ask a professional for some help in dealing with his lies, they sometimes have ways of getting kids to open up that we would never think of. Good luck

Lora - posted on 06/02/2009

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Quoting Cristy:

it sounds like he is in a pickle about who is boss and saying things like the boys touching him to get attention from you, kids offen make storys up , its just the depth that varies being 4 is also a big deal it is the transition age between being a toddler and being a child he is starting to realize that people will listen to things that he says.ask him questions about what grandmar and other ppl have said about you, and dont let him see that he is hurting you



OK one question how do i apporch him with these questions and not scary him I mean i was sexually molstered and i remember people asking me question tore me apart because i wanted to tell the turth but also didn't want to get hurt by the person who did it

Lora - posted on 06/02/2009

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Quoting Samantha:

He does sound like your son is looking for attention do you live with him if not maybe that is what he is wanting is you! We need a strong bond with our children and they need the same of us. How about the father is he around?


yes i know he wants attention from me and i give him 100 and 10% the story about his dad his dad is there all the time but for some reason wants nothing to do with him unless it's conveince to him his dad is more intersanted in himself

Lora - posted on 06/02/2009

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Quoting Jamie:

Um first question, why does your child live with grandparents, do you live there? Sounds like your son is looking for attention. Since negative reinforcement hasnt worked and Im guessing you dont spank, id say try positive reinforcment. Ignore his lies and focus on the truths. I personally would spank my kid if they actted like that but thats my parenting style, I do no tolerate lying of any kind. You may also try talking to him about where he hears these things, I mean no 4 year comes with that himself.



umm I will be truthful at frist my in laws called dss on me because they wanted me to walk out my sons life well then some really bad things happen with my sons dad going to prison and left me homeless and then not even two days later my dad committ sucide so i feel real heavy into my depression and started doing drugs again and when dss suprised me with a drug screen because someone told them something i failed but i was women enough to say i needed help which i got a year clean and did everything the court asked now i have to prove i can be my sons mother

Samantha - posted on 06/02/2009

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He does sound like your son is looking for attention do you live with him if not maybe that is what he is wanting is you! We need a strong bond with our children and they need the same of us. How about the father is he around?

Krysten - posted on 06/02/2009

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You can always try rewarding him for doing good things and have his grandparents help with that. Like whenever he tells the truth-give him a treat. When he doesnt say bad things- give a treat.. etc.

Natalie - posted on 06/02/2009

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Children often do things cause they are trying to get attention from you! If they feel like they are not gtting enough positive attention they will settle for negative! He could be lashing out seeing how he lives with his grandparents and not you! It could be his way of telling you that he wants to come home! Children always do things for a reason! You just need to take the time and figure out he is acting this way!

Cristy - posted on 06/02/2009

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it sounds like he is in a pickle about who is boss and saying things like the boys touching him to get attention from you, kids offen make storys up , its just the depth that varies being 4 is also a big deal it is the transition age between being a toddler and being a child he is starting to realize that people will listen to things that he says.ask him questions about what grandmar and other ppl have said about you, and dont let him see that he is hurting you

Emma - posted on 06/02/2009

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he might not be lyin about anything, im not trying to freak you out but a four year old coming up with someone touching him, he maybe lying but then what if he not he could just be lying about who is really doing it, it probly doesnt make him feel good that you dont beleive him on anything. but if he is really like this i do beleive in the spanking thing too to a point but here in nz we are not aloud to do that to our children the law now. is there a male in your family that he respects but knows when that person is angry he gets the point.

Jamie - posted on 06/01/2009

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Um first question, why does your child live with grandparents, do you live there? Sounds like your son is looking for attention. Since negative reinforcement hasnt worked and Im guessing you dont spank, id say try positive reinforcment. Ignore his lies and focus on the truths. I personally would spank my kid if they actted like that but thats my parenting style, I do no tolerate lying of any kind. You may also try talking to him about where he hears these things, I mean no 4 year comes with that himself.

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