I can't be the only one....

Meghan - posted on 08/03/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I are CONSTANTLY at each other's throats! Our Olivia is 3 months old and I really can't remember the last time we had a conversation that didn't end in an argument somewhere on the 1-10 scale. Lately, however, the arguments have been on the 9-10 side of the spectrum. Before the baby, my boyfriend and I never even raised our voices at each other. I can't be the only one that has had relationship troubles during the first year. What did you do to get through the bad times?

20 Comments

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Jeanine - posted on 08/07/2009

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I can totally relate ... I thought everything was awesome right up until i got pregnant ... he was happy dont get me wrong and he is a great father to both my girls one is not biologically his . I couldnt ask for any better for my children . But for me . as a couple were terrible together . He is great to me which makes it worst becuase i feel bad that its just "not there anymore" and . We fight over EVERYTHING ...Im soo unhappy sometimes i just cry about it all the time .... i feel kinda stuck sometimes ..I hope your situation works out because living in an unhappy relation is NOT very pleasant .

Nyoka - posted on 08/07/2009

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me and my partner were together for 2 years when our son was born.. we never had an arguement before then and now we fight like crazy and its over the most stupidest shit!! i really feel like i am alone raising our son and im depressed most of the time and dont get me wrong i really enjoy my son deegan and hes the best thing thats ever happened to me but i want it to be 2 sided parenting!!

Marisa - posted on 08/06/2009

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It was hard for us too after our son was born. We argued all the time about all sorts of stuff. I'd get upset that he wasn't helping out at night and then I had to remind myself that there wasn't really much he could do early on because I was breastfeeding our son. I used to get so angry that he could lay in bed all night and even get a decent night's sleep while I was up every couple hours feeding our son when he was around 3-5 months old and working full time. It was really rough on both of us. It did get better as our son got older. Just hang in there and it will get better if you both really try to understand why everything is happening - the added stresses of having a baby. Don't resent one another and just remember the stage is temporary. Now, after having our second, before he left to go overseas, he was super helpful at night with nighttime potty training. He took care of our son at night for potty training and I took care of our daughter - we balanced each other. Best of luck to you!!

Tabitha - posted on 08/06/2009

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I can TOTALLY relate. Unfortunatley me and the father are still living together and still do not get along. All of our problems started after my first born, I'm not sure if the responsibility was weighing heavy on his shoulders or what...but if I were you, I'd try getting a sitter, and going out for a night, maybe the two of you need a night of alone time, or you should get counsiling...I am in a very unhappy relationship, and I hate to hear when other ppl are having a hard time. Glad I'm not the only one, but I hope everything works out, mama...

Jessi - posted on 08/06/2009

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Oh we had alot of problems when our dirst son was born.

This helped me and us...

Being a mom is tough plus when you tierd. Take some time to your self. and hour without baby will do you good. Also go on a date with your boyfriend!

It gets better it takes time to adjust. good luck

Christy - posted on 08/04/2009

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No sweetie, it's normal. Jim and I where at each others throats for the first 6 months. We have finally fallen into a routine. But I swear when Audrey was 3 months old we were talking divorce and all that. It just becomes too much but just keep trying and keep talking. Even if the talking turns into yelling. Our biggest problem was I expected Jim to read my mind. It will get better!

Michelle - posted on 08/04/2009

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Your defo not alone, the first 6 months are incredibly hard. Your exausted and stressed. You probably still have the baby in your room so any kind of sex life is out the window but it will get better. I found after about 6 months when we moved our daughter to her own room and she slept all night things got much, much better. People have mentioned going out but if your anything like i was then you might not feel comfortable leaving your baby at such a young age. I found just cuddling up on the sofa and watching a film together worked great. We would use that time to just shutup and be close to each other.

Danielle - posted on 08/04/2009

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i think many people who get pregnant are unaware of the actual strain of having a baby puts on your relationship me and my husband had many tense arguments and still occasionaly do but trust me as the baby gets older it does get better you have more time to sleep and well be normal. the thing is to remember how much you both love each other and work through it discuss things as soon as ur feeling annoyed rather than leaving it to build up into a full blown argument. hope this is helpful and i hope you situation improves!

Rebecca - posted on 08/04/2009

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my partner and i used to be at each others throats all the time, it got to the point where i had had enough and told my partner that our son and i were moving out, my son and i moved out just before xmass 2007, jake was 3months old, and didnt move back in untill both my partner and i could talk not yell at each other, it took nearly a year for us to move back in. we are now better than we have ever been and are looking at rings

Alexis - posted on 08/04/2009

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we tried our best not to do it, but it happened anyway....think about it...neither of you are sleeping right, you both still have to do your everyday responsibilities with the added stress of a baby and no sleep. every now and then just take a deep breath, and tell him that you love him, don't resent eachother, make some alone time however you can, and most importantly remember that the time passes and things go back to normal eventually...thats the best advice i can give...i mean we still fight but we try never to go to bed angry, and believe me, we've had some screaming matches!

Kylie - posted on 08/04/2009

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Hi all, yes definitely not the only one here that's for sure. My (now) hubby and I went through some hard times a little over a year ago- just before we were getting married. Our son was 3-5 months of age and just not sleeping which was only one of several issues at the time. A child changes your life in so many ways and it isn't always for the best and happiest of times. We worked through our problems by talking heaps and trying to meet each other half way with everything that we felt was an issue between us. Candice and Loni are so spot on with everything they wrote and yes things do as Loni said get better and easier. Do the small but important things like giving your man a kiss hi and ask how their day was even if you couldn't give a toot how supposedly bad their day could have been compared to yours. Sit beside them on the couch to watch the TV after the kids are in bed. Give your man a cuddle just because and they will feel they are still wanted and loved. I also agree with the mums who said to have time together- the two of you as a couple need to have time away from your baby. Go on a date and have dinner or just watch a movie together. My hubby and I go out for dinner and drinks and spend a WHOLE child free night away from our son every 6 or 8 weeks. Its good for you, your partner and also your little one too. Good Luck, Kylie

Loni - posted on 08/03/2009

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Amy is right, hang in there, it will get better and easier. You are definitely not alone. After our daughter was born I had this new feeling of resentment towards my hubby. It almost drove me mad! It was like his life had altered a bit, but mine had been completely turned upsidedown!! It felt like I was doing everything! And lets face it, men just don't get it! But we do have to remember that it's hard on them too. After my hubby and I talked one night, I found out that he was feeling lonely and neglected too. And as soon as I took even a few minutes to kiss him hello after work and ask him how his day was (simple stuff like that), it got better between us. It still isn't perfect by all means, but any little improvement is an improvement; Communication is so important. Plus the baby will soon be more independent and sleep better, which is such a relief!

Enjoy your baby, smile and take a deep breath, it will be alright!

Candice - posted on 08/03/2009

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My husband and i went through the same thing you are not alone,,,,,,one thing that we mothers do is put our children especially the new ones in 1st place well that is where our significant other is used to being and they feel threatened and sometimes not wanted after the birth of the baby so try to be affectionate even when you dont feel like it and also try making sure there is time for just the two of you

Katherine - posted on 08/03/2009

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Your not the only one, my partner and i used to argue but then we started having a night or day to ourselves while the kids go to grandparents, it helps to have us time while the kids are little.

Amber - posted on 08/03/2009

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No, you aren't the only one. My relationship ended because of lack of communication and arguing constantly. That ended when I was 6 mo along. I tried so hard to be strong and work things out with him. But he chose to not do so and "ran" . But everyone is diff. What got me through it is my daughter. I knew I couldn't stress out over what was happening because it would have an effect on my health. So thinking about my daughter is what kept me strong. I did it for her. My daughter is now 4 weeks old. So yes, Im a farely new mom. Best of luck to you.

Renee - posted on 08/03/2009

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I completely understand. My fiancee and I dealt with the same thing while i was pregnant. My advise to you would be enlist some help. Whether your mom or his or someone u can trust and have them babysit for the night. Make a date night and the two of you spend some quiet time alone. Make it romantic focusing on just you and him. It helps because u can have that time and possibly work things out without the worry of the baby if only for one night. hope this helps

Stevie - posted on 08/03/2009

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no me and my hubby have a few arguments and it sucks but i make sure i never go to bed mad at him and at times its hard but i love him so we talk it out i think that is the best thing i understand that after an argument that is extreamly hard to do but just go and cool down and then talk about it calmly if you dont raise your voice he shouldnt and if he does just say hey im not wanting to fight im wanting to just talk about it and if you are looking for another argument then im not going to hear and im going into the other room until you can calm down and talk about it

Amy - posted on 08/03/2009

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oh no your not the only one, the first year is tough! your both tired, sleep deprived and on edge. Everything really does change when you have a baby, my husband and i went crazy when our son was born, we couldnt agree on anything, and i wanted him to help more but then i would be annoyed at how he did things, and the baby cried all the time and so on. But they get bigger, they sleep longer, they do cute things and it gets easier and then theres not so much to be anxious about and you and your boyfriend will start to like each other again. Just hang in there.

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