i don't know what to do i feel my whole life is just falling apart!

Carrie - posted on 08/08/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

183

30

14

on wed i found out that my best friends 12 year old has sexualy abused my son, i've called social services and it's all being delt with. it did only happen the once and the social worker said that the 12 year old was just experimenting. that all children do this. but obviously she said it shouldn't have happened to a five year old. this year has been absolute hell for me. i thought my life could not get any worse and then this happens. i'm suffering from post natal depression too. i've got all the help i need around me, but i just feel my whole life is a fuck up. how can this happen to me. my mother is a foster carer. i've seen how this can effect kids. i'm so worried. has anyone else experienced such things. i need serious advice. my son keeps talking to me about what happened. i'm clueless as to what to say. i've been given a book on human anatomy and how babies are made. he is five, how the hell can i tell him about the birds and the bee's at this age. and then to explain it's wrong to do at his age. i don't blaim my friend she is the best mum, her child has serious learning difficulties and boards at a special school mon to fri. and i don't blaim him either because we've also found out another child did it to him at the school. this is child on child so they are not in trouble, i just need advice on what to say to my five year old. and how i can stop feeling the way i'm feeling, sick, helpless, and why am i here.i've been a rape victim myself, so i really feel for my son. please help

8 Comments

View replies by

Amanda - posted on 08/09/2009

13

14

0

. well the man I was married to (the father of my kids) touched my little girl and 4 other girls in my family, I left him when my little girl was 2yrs old and I called cps and they told me not to seek it any further that she wont remember anything so I didn’t but after a few months I started to see things happening and she started to have really bad nightmares so I talked to her dr and she told me I need to take her to a play dr, I did that and it worked a lot it help her get it out thro playing she is 5 now and she can tell you all about what he did to her with out any one letting her know. But when she started talking about it I told her it wasn’t her fault and she did nothing wrong, and that I loved her very much and I always will no matter what

[deleted account]

I am so sorry. I can't ever start to know how you feel right now. I have depression and I have a 20 month old and a 5 month old. It is really hard for me to get to the end of some days but I know Emma and Maddie need mommy. About tell your son what happened. Don't lie to him just tell him. I had a friend that had this happen to her and her mom and dad did not tell her why the guy did it or what happened. Now she wishes that they would have. She remembers what happened and she looks back she is not mad at the guy that did it beacuse she knows he is a sick man and needs help. She is mad at her mom and dad for lieing. If you ever need to talk email me and I can call you or you can call me. It is always good to have a friend outside of the family to vent to. I have one and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She does not know anyone in my family so I tell her everything and I know nothing is going to get back to the family.

Marta - posted on 08/08/2009

380

19

32

Carrie, God WILL show up and I know that you are having a very difficult time with this right now but you need to have faith. Reassure your son that what happened to him was a violation of his privacy because that part of his body is very private and noone is allowed to touch him there unless he says so. I would seek God and pray about it ask him to direct your reading (Bible readings) to scriptures that would help you deal with the pain and heart ache that you are feeling. Get down on your knees with your son, lay hands on him and pray over him that this situation be turned around and made right so that he can be a witness unto the Lord Jesus Christ. It sounds like you have forgiven everyone involved so you are on the right path. I'll add you and your son to my prayer list. May the Lord bless you and richly dwell within you.

Jeanine - posted on 08/08/2009

78

31

2

i understand i believe the only thing that keeps me going/alive is my 2 girls ... I recently started going to church too . I never became saved or anything iam pentecostal. I believe in god and pray but there are still some aspects of the religion i dont believe in so i didnt see the point in being to love god ...BUT i found after i had so many things happen in my life bad honestly it was unbelievable.....I do think everything happens for a reason tho .. I HAVE to believe that ...sometimes it just takes awhile to figure out that reason .. we just have to believe ( hard to do i know) I was vistim of abuse rape and molestation as a child/teenager I know how you feel i cant imagine what it would bring up in my heart if my child came home and told me that ....But this doesnt have to be the end for you .. I also had a drinking problem too my breakfast used to consists of 4 vodka drinks if my children were NOT in the house .. one thing i didnt do was drink around my child at the time .. But i finally ( after a LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG time) realized my babies deserved a mom who was there .............really there ..you know .i finally sought the help of a psychiatrist/psychologist it has rally helped me to talk to someone. I must add iam also on medication that helps me a great deal ....maybe its something u could look into . Know you are not alone !!!! Good Luck

Carrie - posted on 08/08/2009

183

30

14

i would like to add i'm a born again christian, i try my hardest to have god in my life. i'm a baby to this religion, and i find it hard how all this shit is happening to me now. why when i just asked jesus into my life? why has all this started just now. my life was just getting on track before!

anyhow, i find is so hard for my child to tell me what happened, because i've been a victim of this before, this is really fucking my head up. completeley! to get away from the suppression, i've started drinking again, binge ing! i just need to release all the nastyness. i don't know how to cope. i feel life less. i don't know what to do. my whole life is a mess. the only thing keeping me alive are my two sons.

Jeanine - posted on 08/08/2009

78

31

2

WOW.... sounds like your really going through alot i understand that ...i agree with Angie tho a 12 year old doesnt "experiment" like this or act out sexually unless they have had it done to them . I know you said this 12 year old had some one do that to him at school as well but id be willing to bet everything i own that the is an adult sexually abusing one of these children somewhere along the line ...I majored in Child psychology / child development and i know all that for a fact . I would let your son talk to you about it ....I know it may seem very awkward to you but it would be worst for him to keep it in ..im sure u know all this but just to say again...He needs to know u dont think he did anything bad and it wasnt his fault ..u caught this early .. thank god for that .. U have a chance to diminish the damage this will cause him psychologically in the future . I would suggest you both talking to a counselor/ psychologist someone who can help him with his feelings and also someone who can tell you what to say and how to handle any questions or feelings ur son way come to u with . The best thing i can say to u is love your son extra hard through this and be open door for him , someone he can trust to go to for comfort and healing .... Good luck to you and my heart goes out to your son .

Angie - posted on 08/08/2009

119

7

21

A 12 year old sexually abusing a five year old isn't experimentation, as I'm sure you already know.



My six year old stepson was sexually abused and we are taking him to counseling through the YWCA. The first time he disclosed the sexual abuse child protective services told us not to bring it up and to not take him to counseling because he seemed fine with it, although he was acting out in other ways. He started telling me about sexual abuse that he had experienced in the past (while living with his mother), so we chose took him to counseling. We are still at the beginning of the process, but I can tell you that his counselor is much better equipped to talk to him about body safety/okay touching/etc than we are, and that it's the best thing you can do for your child. What parent expects to have to deal with this or is properly trained to?



I have gone through the sick, helpless, hopeless feelings too, but it gets better as you take the proper steps to help your child.



The best thing you can do for your son is be there for there for him. As much as it may disgust and upset you, let him talk about it if he needs to. He needs to know that you are there for him, that he didn't do anything wrong, and that he did the right thing by telling you. Also, most people say not to bring it up, let the child bring it up and to not react (which is difficult) very strongly. It make him feel like he did something wrong/feel guilty for upsetting you/etc.

Tiffany - posted on 08/08/2009

5

5

1

It sounds like you need God in your life. Sorry for all the problems. All I know to do is love him and be there for questions and help him understand its not his fault.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms