I don't understand why my husband seems so indifferent to our planned pregnancy

Rachel - posted on 01/26/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

48

6

4

We recently found out that we are having another baby. My husband and I had planned this pregnancy, but when I tell him what is going on to keep him informed about what I am going through, he doesn't seem to care. When I told him that morning sickness was kicking in he said "That's what happens." I feel like because this is our second child, and we know what to expect, that he is using that as a cop out. Like knowing something is supposed to happen, or usually occurs at a certain stage makes it less significant. I thought telling him was the right thing to do because it is my health and the baby's. His child. Now I feel like I should just pretend like I'm not pregnant, not going through anything, not tell him anything or be made to feel like I'm bothering him with useless information. Why is he being this way? We planned this.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Chet - posted on 01/26/2014

2,093

0

587

I think you're reading too much into his response. My guess is that he cares, but morning sickness is a reality that you can't do a whole lot about. He doesn't have a solution to offer you. It's just a part of pregnancy that, for the most part, falls into the "suck it up" category.

I hope he doesn't expect you to stop talking and pretend you aren't pregnant! However, you will likely be disappointed if you look for constant enthusiasm from him for the next eight months solid.

People respond to pregnancy differently, and honestly, some dads don't feel very connected to the pregnancy in the early stages. The reality of it doesn't set in until much later. You feel yourself changing, but from his perspective, you look the same and there won't be a baby for another eight months.

I would continue to talk to your husband, and to let him know what he can do and how he can help when you need it. If you complain about the aches and pains of pregnancy and he says that's how it is just tell him you know but you feel better having someone to talk to.

6 Comments

View replies by

Hope Patrice - posted on 01/28/2014

1

0

0

he does care but he just not going to show it around this time yet when your baby gets around the age 1 0r 2 or even when it starts walking he will start having that softness in him and hes gonna ask tons of question like: Are u ok? Where's my baby? and then he's gonna start playing with ya'll baby and then its gonna be fun and smiles. Like they always say happy family, makes a happy baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!....=) =) =)

Jodi - posted on 01/27/2014

3,562

36

3907

I agree with the other ladies. The other thing I noticed about your posts was "It would just be nice to get asked if there is anything he can do to help once in a while." I am just going to say that men are not very good at doing this, and you are expecting him to read your mind as to when you need him to ask this question. Instead, you need to consider actually letting him know what he can do to help. I'm sure he will be more than happy to help you in any way you need, but he will actually need to be prompted, not because he is being insensitive or thoughtless, but just because this is the way they are programmed.

Chet - posted on 01/26/2014

2,093

0

587

I don't think his response was meant to be taken as "too bad for your" at all. You're interpreting his words in the worst possible way.

He really can't do anything about your morning sickness, and if there is something he can do you need to tell him what it is. In general, if you need something don't wait for people to ask. Let them know. Most people will do what they can if you ask nicely and appreciate their efforts - especially your husband.

It's really important for you to keep your husband informed about how you're feeling and what's going on with the pregnancy, but try not to interpret his responses in the worst possible light.

Michelle - posted on 01/26/2014

5,046

8

3249

You have to understand that men are programmed to find solutions to problems and since he knows that he can't do anything about your morning sickness he feels helpless.
Maybe he doesn't want to be told about every little thing, just the big things.
Sit down and talk with him and ask him if he wants to be told about everything or not.

Rachel - posted on 01/26/2014

48

6

4

I'm not expecting enthusiasm right now. I just want to keep him filled in. And when he asks "how are you feeling today?" and tell him only for what feels like a "too bad for you" response, is frustrating. I do understand the whole thing not really seeming real until I'm very noticeably pregnant for the father. It would just be nice to get asked if there is anything he can do to help once in a while. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive right now. I just don't like being asked a question, then getting dismissed when I answer truthfully. I feel that I should keep him informed about how I'm feeling so that if I'm moody or upset or whatever, he might better understand.

Thank you for your opinion. I'm definitely going to have to try and talk to him again and explain how I feel. Maybe once we tell everyone, things will be more real for him.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms