I feel like I killed my baby and it is my fault!

Kayla - posted on 01/17/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am experiencing extreme grief and I am not sure how to cope with this and have no one to talk to about this, friend wise. I really feel like what happened was my fault and I shouldn't have been so naïve, and should have read more into it. So almost exactly 2 years ago now when I was 17 I got pregnant, accidentally it was a one night thing with my now husband, we didn't use protection. I got pregnant and within 2 weeks of the day we had sex I knew I was pregnant. So I took a First Response test and sure enough I was pregnant. I went into the Dr and I was too early to come up on their pee test and they said I wasn't pregnant. I insisted that I get a blood test, the blood tests came back positive. Shortly after I got an ultrasound and the Doctor told me that it was an empty sac. She told me she knew what an empty sac was she had seen lots before and that I could either insert a pill or wait to miscarry. Being that I was only 17, wanted to get it over with and get back to regular life as I was very upset about it I said the pill. I took the 4 pills that weekend and I miscarried. After that I researched what had happened to me, I read so many posts about women saying that was too early to even see anything. So after that I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that she made a mistake and I may have very well killed my baby. I cried and cried for months. It took me over a year to feel a little more normal about what happened. Now that it is around the same time of year this happened and I feel sadness everytime I see someone have a baby or hear about it. I feel as though I really murdered my own child and I am mad at myself for not looking into it and I am also upset that the doctor didn't tell me it could be too early to tell possible or told me to wait being that it was only 2 weeks after we had sex. I'm sad again and I don't know if this grief will ever go away. I feel like a horrible person, and I would never even have an abortion so I feel like I pretty much did just that. Any advice on how I can cope?

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Brooklyn - posted on 01/17/2014

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maybe she made a mistake & thought that you were 8 weeks pregnant? that is terrible. maybe you could talk to an expert about it. i don't know much because i am only 4 weeks & 5 days along, but i'm just trying to help. i'm sorry this happened, but it is definitely NOT your fault!

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Kayla - posted on 03/17/2014

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Did you talk to your husband about it at the time? If you had,he might have told you to just let things happen naturally.You shouldn't ever take an abortion pill unless you have been rapped.I know you were young,but you need to go to church now.Seek comfort from God.God gives us all an instinct which helps us make good choices in our lives and when we ignore that instinct bad things happen.Didn't you at any point think that maybe you should just let things happen naturally?If you would never have an abortion,then why did you take abortion pills?Didn't you know what you were taking?Doctors are not Gods and sometimes they are wrong.

Brooklyn - posted on 03/11/2014

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i just came back here to give you a friendly tip for the future. if this ever happens again, ask the ultrasound technician to bring in a second ultrasound technician for a second opinion. hope that helps! :) good luck!

Paris - posted on 01/18/2014

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Do not feel guilty it is definitely not your fault. You have to try to move on from this and learn from it. And if you feel a hole in your heart from what could have been try to fill it by trying again. You didn't know, and the doc should of known better also. You have your whole life ahead of you. Produce. You gone be alright.

Kayla - posted on 01/17/2014

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It wasn't on top my stomach it was internal, and I don't know why she just gave me one right away. I didn't know there was a certain time frame for an ultrasound I just went with what she was saying as she as a doctor.

Brooklyn - posted on 01/17/2014

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i'm not sure about ultrasounds bc i have never had one on my belly as a pregnant woman. my first one is coming up on february 10th. why did she give you an ultrasound so early? i thought that they normally did not do ultrasounds until you were 8 weeks pregnant.

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