I finally decided what program I want to take in College but now I'm Pregnant!

Kc - posted on 09/29/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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So, I finally decided what program I want to take in College, three years after graduating high school. I haven't applied yet, but was planning to within to next few days. I'm in the middle of moving to another city, away from my boyfriend, mainly so I can be closer to the people I call my "family", but also, a contributing factor; him and I are not getting along. We butt heads all the time. We have different priorities, different or unequal morals, and different standards of living. I figured it would be good to distance ourselves, and that they would be good support while I'm busy in school.

But then I found out, a couple nights ago, that I'm pregnant! It was completely unplanned, and my boyfriend and I have taken all the appropriate precautions to prevent this from happening, so it is nobodies "fault". I also believed I wasn't capable of becoming pregnant, or that it was going to be remarkably difficult, to concieve, considering my medical history; chronic bladder infections throughout elementary school, hospitalization and medical treatment for rape victims (incl. medications), three cases of Plan B use, E coli infecting my left kidney in highschool, and cancerous cells on my uterus.

It was about midnight when I found out, and I called my boyfriend immediately. He was asleep, at home, I was in the city, three hours away, that I will be moving to for school, to look for a job and an apartment. He was really spacey and didn't know what to say. We decided we would talk about it when I got home. But that didn't go very well.

We went for dinner and he kept making satirical comments suggesting I abort it, which did not comfort me at all. I wasn't scared when I found out; what am I going to do, deny it? curl up in a ball and sleep? That wouldn't solve anything. But as soon as he began talking about it as if it wasn't serious, like it was a joke, and nothing to worry about, it made me start to worry. I've always told myself I would have an abortion, but I also never expected I would get pregnant.

Over the next couple days, he prettymuch said he would leave me if I had the child. The way he is treating me and this situation makes me disgusted with him, and I don't even want anything to do with him, yet all I want is to be with him, probably because he is the biological father? I explained how I felt, that him making comments like: "we're not having a baby" "this isn't happening" "there's no questions about it" "there are no 'pros'" "having a baby would ruin our lives" "i don't want to work a crappy job for a crappy salary" "people like us should not have children" "we'll never go to school" “i would have never had casual sex with you if i knew this is what was going to happen and you would consider keeping it” "your having an abortion" "this baby's gotta go" "i won't let you have this baby" among other phrases I cannot recall at the moment, made me feel like he didn't love me or care about me and that his behaviour makes him look inhumane, animalistic, heartless, cold, unattractive, selfish, mean, weak, etc. and it's making me hate him.

So now I’m faced with the idea that he won’t be involved if I do have this child. Which is fine with me, because I dont particularily like him anymore, but that means I will be doing this alone until a mature man comes around and is willing to take this on, but I cannot count on that either. Therefore, I must be prepared to do this alone.

Inadditionto all of this, I also do not have parents. I grew up with my mom and my grandmother, my mom an addict and my grandmother a depressed widow, who are both deceased. My mother when I was 12 of an accidental overdose, and my grandmother when I was 18, after succeeding four foster homes, three group homes, and a total of 12 moves, proceeding my mothers death. I do not have brothers or sisters, nor aunts/uncles/cousins.

What I do have is my sisterfriend Ashley whom I met in grade six, and her family, who all live in the city I’m moving to for school. They all consider me part of the family, and would do anything for me in my best interest. The problem I have with that, is that Ashley has three children of her own two from a previous relationship and one from her current, all in which were not planned, and I do not agree with her parenting tactics, nor her friend Ashley’s, who are together everyday. Her friend has one child that lives with her and one who lives with her parents and is not with the father. So that is four unplanned children being taken care of through welfare, in an unsanitary home, by uneducated parents, who are practically single mothers, not being able to provide for their own children. 

Her mother is unstable and does not want to raise anymore babies and doesn’t even have a house of her own, and her dad works 12 hour days, so even if he wanted to, he couldn’t.

Also, I’ve gone to many music festivals this summer. I have done small doses of MDMA and cocaine and drank my fair share of alcohol and smoked enough cigarettes. I currently don’t smoke, i quit, and the desire has not returned, rather I am disgusted by the smell and taste (maybe because I’m pregnant!) I’ve also lost the desire to go out and drink recently. And thinking about losing that liberty, or at least minimalizing it, doesn’t really bother me all that much. 

So that leaves me, and only me. The year is reaching October now. I presume I am about 8-10 weeks along, calculating the due date to be between April and May. If I don’t go to school in January because of this, I can go next September. My baby will be 4 months old. That means I have to pay rent and bills and work and prepare over the next 11 months, and beyond. What do I do? How do I go to school and raise my child while working to pay rent and other bills? Can I even have this child? I’ve always told myself I would have an abortion, but if I CAN raise this child, why don’t I?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

A - posted on 09/30/2013

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I would look into starting with the doc appointments if you haven't already done so, try to get assistance to get you on your feet- not live off of it but to start out. See what type of work you can do and maybe see if there is a support group in your area to help young women like yourself. Good luck! You can do this- it will be hard but worth it, IMO.

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