I found a condom in my husband' work bag,is he cheating on me?

Tash - posted on 05/21/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I just found out that my husband's been carrying a condom in his bag.I asked him about it and he said he just found it in the hospital where he works.We have been married for 7yrs and has 2 young boys.We did use a condom after my 2nd child was born,he didnt like using them but then i kept the boxes.The condom that i found in his bag looked exactly the same including the batch nmber and expiry date.I showed him the condoms but he was insisting that he didnt take it from the ones we got at home.I counted the nmber in the box and it seems that about 4-5 are missing.He was blaming me saying i am just being jealous and that he has not done wrong.2 wks ago before this happened he was a bit cold with me,he said im not giving him pleasure in bed.I felt so bad when he said that to me,he was my 1st boyfriend and i've never been involved with any other guy.I felt so betrayed.I felt so sorry for myself and now I dont know what to do.Has he been cheating on me?I love my kids so much,and they do love my husband.Any advise pls,thanks...tash:(

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Stifler's - posted on 05/28/2012

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The issue here is that you can't trust him. How do we know that our partners aren't having sex at work behind our backs or on the way home or anytime they leave the house? we don't, we have to trust that they aren't. I don't see another reason for condoms to be missing from your house or for him to have them in his bag than he intends to/has used them.

Tina - posted on 05/29/2012

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He's the one who had the condom in his bag and like you said there were others missing. You may need some harder evidence. But he is also being defensive which men tend to be like when they have done something shameful they act frustrated raise their voice and their stories change when they get caught out. He just happened to remember putting the condom in his bag after you asked the hospital. Whether or not he is cheating it's not your fault and you have every right to be suspicious. He's turning it all around to make you feel guilty for asking questions. I've experienced the same thing. You simply say he's the one that had the condom in his bag not you. And if he wasn't intending to use it why was it there. If he says don't know or doesn't remember or gets angry or frustrated you know he's lying. It's not your fault you have nothing to be ashamed or feel guilty about. He's the one that needs to explain himself. He put that condom in there for a reason even if he hasn't cheated.

Natalie - posted on 05/25/2012

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well, if the condom you found in his bag had the same batch number as the ones in your house, then its 99% likely he has grabbed it from there, and not on hospital floor, sorry. It is highly unlikely. I am not sure if that means he is cheating.. but if about 4-5 are missing, where else could they have gone? You obviously didnt take them or move them. Is there problems in bed?

Liz - posted on 05/21/2012

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I agree, you need to do some digging. In my opinion, invading your spouse's privacy is baloney. You're married, and if you need "privacy" from each other, something is wrong. Anyway, if you DO find any evidence, you need to confront him. Don't just leave without at least giving him a chance to explain himself (even if it's pathetic.) How many movies have you seen where the couple breaks up before they know all the facts, and then they find out what really happened and feel terrible? Good luck, and I sincerely hope that he's not cheating!

Destinee - posted on 05/21/2012

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I'd say the best thing you can do is see if you can find any more concrete evidence that he is/has-you'd never forgive yourself if your marriage were to suffer or possibly break up without you being positive he has. Phone records, emails, etc., can help in that endeavor. It seems like an invasion of privacy (and in a way it is) but it's really the only way to have a concrete answer to whether or not he is. Once you've figured it out for sure, do whatever is best for you. If he's not, GREAT! If he is, you need to decide if/how to confront him and what the consequences will be (counseling, separation, divorce, etc.) and how you will go about addressing this to your sons. Best of luck, and I hope he is not!

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Charlize - posted on 07/30/2013

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What should I do about two years ago I found out that my husband cheated on me when I was checking the computer and i forgave him for that it wasn't easy to do. Last night I found a phone number in his camera bag I was going to call and talk to the girl to see what happen if he call her or not. We been married for 7 years and have two small daughters. So my question is do I call this person ?

Anya - posted on 02/15/2013

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well like I told my sister when she suspected that her man was cheating, "If its happening, it will come out eventually, no lies can stay burried forever" The question is, can you deal with not knowing and not trusting him...two weeks after I said that to my sister, the girl that he cheated on her with told her what had happened between them over a glass of wine. I also have had my own experience with a cheater and he was my first love, it had come out that he was cheating on me from his best friend who had a crush on me lol so only if you feel you are capable of waiting it out, I would just let the truth reveal itself to you.

Sarah - posted on 02/11/2013

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Personally, I would take the condoms and poke tiny holes in them... Soak them in very hot things, such as hot sauce, lemon juice, things like that. Most likely Lemon juice and dry the package off and place it back where I found it. When he comes home and complains about his penis being on fire that would be the moment where I dump him. I got this idea from my aunt after her husband was known for cheating trying to sleep with everyone including me!
At least ask if he is using them to masturbate in. Or he could be giving them to a co-worker. But either way no more missing unexplained condoms.

Doll - posted on 02/11/2013

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I found my hubby's condom in his short pocket.We never sex with condom.We married for 5 years and I have two kids and Im 31 weeks pregnancy.I know he cheated on me.But he went out to his friends but he never came home he slept out for second times.I ph and sms him where is he?he didnt answered me.Everyday he loves focus on his ph to chat and he dont sit next to me front his ph.He loves sit alone with ph in the lounge and toilet.I warned him to stop chat on the ph he must spend time with me and kids.He ignored me.I felt heartsore and im so stressed.I scared to divourse him cos i love him very much.We have same problems before last year we did seperation for three months we solved problems our marriage we did went to cousellors.i dont know if he love me.I told him i found the condoms he asked who sex with him.i told him how I know someone who sex with him i told him he cheated on me.He kept quiet.Please help me?

Tina - posted on 05/30/2012

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I really feel for you. It so hard when you've been betrayed like this. What ever happens he's to blame not you. You didn't deserve this. Goodluck for the future for you and your kids.

Tash - posted on 05/29/2012

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Thank you so much for all your help,i spoke to my husband today,this has been a very painful week for me.I asked him who was he planning to use the condom with,i had one girl in mind,her name was rochelle and she works with my husband and she was a nurse,i even work with her one time as i am also a nurse.I remember now that my husband couple yrs ago he asked me if he can bring this girl home as she would like to meet his sister who was currently living with us at that time.i just ignored him because i thought why would she want to meet my sister in law and not me.He's asked me about three times and on the 3rd time i felt a bit suspicious,he said he wouldnt bring her to our house if she is his girlfriend,he then stopped asking me.He admitted today that the condom was supposed to be for her,he said they did not have sex.I was just crying,I cant believe how he lied to me all this time.I have been reading your messages the past few days,they helped me a lot to have a courage to confront my husband.At least now i know the truth,that he is a liar.I just need to plan for the future of my kids,they are my world.

Kara - posted on 05/29/2012

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I understand the trust issue. Its hard to get through. Especially if you were like me and thought everything was fine. One minute your bragging about your husband, the next you wonder what he deletes off his phone, what he does at work, who he's really talking to on the phone, and your mind goes crazy with scenarios, like when he says he is talking to his mom, is it really someone else, does he take days off from work and go off with someone else and that's why he doesn't answer your call at lunch, when hes quiet, is he thinking of someone else, I understand! The thing with adultery is it shatters your entire existence, you question who you are, your self worth, and everything you have known. This is not something that will involve a quick fix. Trust will have to be regained and he needs to understand that, I recommend this article, http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage... , other articles of the subject are easily found on the website, together you can make it work. If you both want it to. And until the trust is regained, he needs to be an open book.

Tash - posted on 05/28/2012

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thanks for the replies.my husband now admitted that the condom was one of ours.he said he didnt realize that he's put it in his bag,he said it has been about 2 yrs ago when he took it.he only admitted it because he had no escape,i asked the hosp and found out that they are not supplying the same brand of condoms that we have.he said he's not cheating on me but im not sure if i have to believe him.how do i get a solid evidence?i really dont know.i have access to his e mails and phone,he always goes home in time,is it maybe because he knows i will be suspicious that's why he's been very careful?i dont want to think im being paranoid,what if he had a one night stand,how would i find out.we both work full time and we have 2 young kids,we had a good sex life but recently he was a bit cold.he said i am just being jealous,that im making a big issue.i'd like to know the truth,but how?thanks again,i really appreciate your time.

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