i had an arguement with my boyfriend and things got worse but he told me he was only with me cos i was pregnant and we sorted things out and we r back together now and my family r on my back over it .ok i know my family r only looking out for me but i wish they would back off now wot should i do?

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Hillary - posted on 06/27/2009

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If you are living with him when the baby is born, I'm sorry to say that things are just going to get worse. Think about it, no sex for him for 6 weeks (you'd be surprised how much this affects a guy's mood), you spending all of your time either sleeping, tending to the baby, feeding the baby, or feeding yourself, and not much time for him. There are two types of guys: the guys who do what they say they are going to do and the guys that don't. The first three months of my daughter's life I completely took care of her all by myself, while my husband (unemployed and at home all day) slept until 1pm, surfed the internet, played video games, and left to hang out with his friends. We are currently separated, because I realized that I had two babies instead of one, so the bigger, more expensive one had to go. If your relationship is bad now, adding the stress of a baby will just make it worse, YOU CAN make it on your own, and the support of your family will help you even more.

Guggie - posted on 06/27/2009

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1. Schedule couples counseling and both of you go to it.

2. Get some individual counseling



3. Tell your family you are looking into building communication, relationship and parenting skills and to please give you some space to figure things out on your own.

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Nadia - posted on 06/29/2009

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And I do agree that family just wants to see you happy but in the end its still your choice. My mom, my sister and I are very close and I used to run to them about the issues and attempted break ups but eventually I learned I had to stop doing that because they only began to see the bad parts and not the good ones and I didn't want them to dislike him according to simple arguments ( because they are) that would be over and done and we would be back together.So u have to learn what to tell the fam and what to keep behind your closed doors. Its all a part of growing and learning. DO U!

Nadia - posted on 06/29/2009

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1st u need to know that your relationship is just that YOURS. I've been there and done that with the family not liking the boyfriend but they had to understand that this is my decision and my life. People say things in the heat of an argument because of anger, but make sure he is there for you. No need to be together if there is no feeling there. It will only get worse later. I believe that when a woman decides to have a child they are deciding that they are going to do that no matter who is there helping. If he doesn't love you and want to really be there and have a family let him go honey....HIS LOSS!! LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY AND BE HAPPY!!

[deleted account]

Guys tend to stick around if they get their Girlfriend's pregnant... my Husband was one of those people before. If it is a loveless relationship, you should just walk away and if he wants to be a part of your babies life, then great. There is NO reason to be together if you truly don't want to be together.



Your family is forever. They are the ones that will always be there for you no matter what. I can imagine why they are so upset with what he said and I don't blame them one bit. When you argue, you should watch what you say-- Once it's said, it can never be taken back... it's out there for good, to remind the other person of how you TRULY feel. There is no level of honesty like when a person is angry or drunk. I learned that early from my Daddy and it has stuck with me through the years.



I've learned a lot of things through friends who made bad choices and then my Husband who... we'll not get into-- BUT, with that said: Women should never lie about the paternity of their children, lie about being pregnant when they are not; in hopes they'll get pregnant. Women should not have more children in hopes to fix a relationship... because down the road, you'll still separate and have more children caught up in the mix, hurt and feeling alone.



Sometimes, if it's just not a well-rounded, good, loving and honest relationship... you need to cut your ties, admit to your loses and move on.



Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. I hope you get things worked out, and just remember that your parents would never intentionally hurt you. They were the ones that loved you first, and will love you last.

Rebekka - posted on 06/28/2009

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hi thankyou.and thanks it did help alot and its that bad i am moving out of my mums cos its that stressful they r making it hard for me to stick around

Jennifer - posted on 06/28/2009

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Hey Rebekka, first off congrats on your baby, I bet your excited, and anxious. I think it's great that your family cares enough to give you their opinion but that's what it should be them giving you advice, they cannot be making your decisions for you, they are yours to make. Maybe you depend on them to a degree for support and help in areas in your life, as we all do with our loved ones, but that support will be there for you in the end no matter what choices you make. If things are stressing you out as much as it seems you might need to take a stand now, for yourself. Tell them you appreciate the good intentions, but that they need to cool it, for both your sakes, if they're not willing to do so atleast for the sake of your welfare then you just might be forced to face a few truths about the people you love. Another thing to think about is that things will probably get harder when the baby arrives, it'd be great to nip this thing in the butt now, or to start to get there. Also as far as your boyfriend, every situation is unique yes, but don't let this reassure you that you might be the exception because of your love. He could just be there because of the baby, I don't understand it when men act this way but they do, even when they're with a good woman, and it's not fair to either of you three. But the truth is that the hardest thing will be not knowing the truth, I wish a certain someone would have been honest with me, God knows I gave him plenty of chances, that he didn't deserve mind you, but I honestly thought our Love was true and that in the end that's what mattered. Sometimes you have to learn these things on your own though, I did I guess lol. It's gonna hurt, but you and that baby can be happy no matter what, and you know what? After giving and trying so much, and going through some painful bs, if he's not the one you'll finally start to realize it in your heart and it starts hurting less, and gives you more time to think what a great thing you and your little one can be. I hope things work out for you whichever the case. Sorry if I rambled but I hope it helps even a little. :)

Rebekka - posted on 06/28/2009

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Quoting Marabeth:

your family will always be with you. boyfriends come and go, even babies' daddies. if you do tell your family to lay off be sensitive to them. theyre pressuring you out of love and a desire for you/baby to be happy and safe. they probably think youre too good for him, thats their job. just like youd do for your child. if your boyfriend is genuine only time spent treating you right (including how he talks to you!) will sway their opinion favorably. just have patience and relax! youre having a baby! :) congratulations!!


thanks but my family r making it hard for me all the time making my decisions for me and not letting me breath


 

Marabeth - posted on 06/27/2009

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Quoting Hillary:

If you are living with him when the baby is born, I'm sorry to say that things are just going to get worse. Think about it, no sex for him for 6 weeks (you'd be surprised how much this affects a guy's mood), you spending all of your time either sleeping, tending to the baby, feeding the baby, or feeding yourself, and not much time for him. There are two types of guys: the guys who do what they say they are going to do and the guys that don't. The first three months of my daughter's life I completely took care of her all by myself, while my husband (unemployed and at home all day) slept until 1pm, surfed the internet, played video games, and left to hang out with his friends. We are currently separated, because I realized that I had two babies instead of one, so the bigger, more expensive one had to go. If your relationship is bad now, adding the stress of a baby will just make it worse, YOU CAN make it on your own, and the support of your family will help you even more.



i couldnt have said it better myself. 

Heather - posted on 06/27/2009

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Quoting Rebekka:

my family r trying to stress me out i am close to snapping


I can only imagine how stressed you must be, and I know that family can be one of the worst things when you're already stressed out...not to mention raging pregnancy hormones, and probably excitement and anxiety about your little one who's on the way.  Is there one member of your family who is more understanding than the rest?  One who you feel you can talk to?  If there is, maybe you can sit down with him/her and explain how you're feeling.  Let him/her know the impact the pressure your family is putting on you has, and that right now, with a new baby on the way, you need support, not stress.  Hopefully, that person can relay the message to everyone else without you needing to get into a heated argument or causing yourself more stress.

Kim - posted on 06/27/2009

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I know the feeling my family gave me a lot of issues with my ex (my son's dad). But I'll tell you something if he is saying now that he is just with you because you're pregnant then he probably means it, even if it was said in the heat of the moment. I found out my ex meant most of the stuff he said when we argued. And I'll tell you right now, you don't want stress, luckily its just now happening and you only have 5 weeks left. When i went through all of it I had about 2 months left and ended up going into pre mature labor. Don't stress yourself its not good for you or the baby. Also like somebody else said in a reply you deserve somebody who loves you for you and isn't just staying with you because you are having his baby. With the way the world is now a days there are many options for the both of you and co parenting can be easy especially if you two live in the same area. Hopefully something I said helps you or makes you feel a little bit better.

Marabeth - posted on 06/27/2009

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your family will always be with you. boyfriends come and go, even babies' daddies. if you do tell your family to lay off be sensitive to them. theyre pressuring you out of love and a desire for you/baby to be happy and safe. they probably think youre too good for him, thats their job. just like youd do for your child. if your boyfriend is genuine only time spent treating you right (including how he talks to you!) will sway their opinion favorably. just have patience and relax! youre having a baby! :) congratulations!!

Catherine - posted on 06/27/2009

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Tell your fam that you are an adult and they should support you in all your decisions. Right now you need people to listen and not judge you

Rebekka - posted on 06/27/2009

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Quoting Heather:

I personally don't think I could be with someone long term who didn't love me for me. I think it's wonderful that he wants to be there to support you and your child, but there are other ways to do that. You don't want him to feel trapped, and I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly unsure if my partner is happy with me or not. It's not better for the children if you're together but regretting it, because your stress and frustration will overshadow everything else, and it will negatively impact your children. They may even blame themselves for the unhappiness that may come. You may work it out, but you can't force it just because you're pregnant. If you can remain friends, and co-parent without expecting anything more, it's probably the best for your child. And who knows, a year from now, things may change and he may want to be with you because he loves you and can't imagine his life without you. You can't force it though. And you deserve better than that.


the only reason i am back with him is cos things was said in the heat of the moment and we do love each other and thats y we r taking it slow again but i only have 5 weeks left on tuesday and my family r stressing me out now


 

Rebekka - posted on 06/27/2009

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Quoting Heather:

I personally don't think I could be with someone long term who didn't love me for me. I think it's wonderful that he wants to be there to support you and your child, but there are other ways to do that. You don't want him to feel trapped, and I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly unsure if my partner is happy with me or not. It's not better for the children if you're together but regretting it, because your stress and frustration will overshadow everything else, and it will negatively impact your children. They may even blame themselves for the unhappiness that may come. You may work it out, but you can't force it just because you're pregnant. If you can remain friends, and co-parent without expecting anything more, it's probably the best for your child. And who knows, a year from now, things may change and he may want to be with you because he loves you and can't imagine his life without you. You can't force it though. And you deserve better than that.


the only reason i am back with him is cos things was said in the heat of the moment and we do love each other and thats y we r taking it slow again but i only have 5 weeks left on tuesday and my family r stressing me out now


 

Heather - posted on 06/27/2009

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I personally don't think I could be with someone long term who didn't love me for me. I think it's wonderful that he wants to be there to support you and your child, but there are other ways to do that. You don't want him to feel trapped, and I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I'm constantly unsure if my partner is happy with me or not. It's not better for the children if you're together but regretting it, because your stress and frustration will overshadow everything else, and it will negatively impact your children. They may even blame themselves for the unhappiness that may come. You may work it out, but you can't force it just because you're pregnant. If you can remain friends, and co-parent without expecting anything more, it's probably the best for your child. And who knows, a year from now, things may change and he may want to be with you because he loves you and can't imagine his life without you. You can't force it though. And you deserve better than that.

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