I have a liar on my hands PLEASE HELP.

Felicia - posted on 08/20/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My five year old has began to lie and it is driving me crazy! I pick him up from daycare knowing exactly what he did that day and he tells me a completely different story. When he is in trouble he tried to lie his way out of it. An example of what just happened a couple minutes ago: I found something wet on our couch asked him what it was and he said he was crying. I know he was lieing because it was a huge puddle of something. I sent him to his room and told him he was not aloud to come out until he was ready to tell the truth and reminded him of all the fun stuff we have planned for today. I have also told him that liars have no friends and liars get in big trouble at school (he is starting kinderarden in 2 weeks). Please any suggestions!!!!!

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Robin - posted on 08/20/2009

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It is definitely a phase that they all go through, and they go in and out of it. A child will lie if they think that it's going to keep them out of trouble. Make sure that you PRAISE each time he tells you the truth the first time. Don't always assume that he's lied from the beginning.. but when you ask him to tell you his side of it.. make sure that he understands that he will be in MORE trouble if he lies than he would be if he comes right out and tells you the truth. My daughter has been through this stage I don't know how many times.. and she is slowly learning that it's better to tell the truth the first time. I add a punishment to the regular punishment (and let them know what the punishment will be when you first start this kind of training.).
I hope this helps you!! :-)

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Dustie - posted on 08/24/2009

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in my case I made the punishment for lying double for what would have happened if he had just told the truth once he relized that he got in worse trouble if he lied about what he did verses feshin up the lying stopped

Ruth - posted on 08/24/2009

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I give a harsher punishment for lying about misbehaviour than the misbehaviour itself. And I remind my daughter that she will have a longer punishment if she lies.

Stefanie - posted on 08/22/2009

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I disagree that it is a stage all kids go through. I've never had my children lie but I have had them tell me "I don't know" to an open ended question which is when I learned about giving options. My siblings and I lied but not b/c it was a stage but b/c we were afraid of punishment which is why I decided not to use "punishments" at all but instead use consequences and corrections. It has worked wonderfully for us.

Stefanie - posted on 08/22/2009

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Most kids lie for two reasons. 1) Because they are scared of what their parent will do to them if they find out what they've done. and 2) They want attention.
I would start with trying to figure out why he's lying and resolving that and then the lying will go away on it's own. If you use punishments for your child this could be part of it. We never use punishments and always praise our children for telling the truth. We also give a lighter "sentence" if they tell the truth to give them more of a reason to tell the truth and every once in a while we throw in a "mercy ruling" where they get a warning but no correction to model mercy and compassion to them.
When you know what he did don't ask him. That's setting him up to lie. Instead just ask him a direct question. When I know my oldest hit my middle child I don't ask her, "What did you do?" b/c that sets her up to tell a lie. Instead I say, "Why did you hit _____?" This way she already knows that I know what she did and has a direct question to answer without the option of lying. If I find something spilled on the couch I don't say, "What is that?" I say, "Uh oh, did you spill your water or have an accident?" Giving them choices is much better than an open ended questions. Young children often don't know how to answer an open ended question so they lie or say, "I don't know."
Getting mad will not work either. Neither will making them feel bad about it. Telling them what they've done wrong and that no one will like them for it leaves them feeling bad about themselves but it doesn't tell them what they SHOULD do to correct it. Disciple is all about teaching proper behavior and in order to do that you have to do two or three things: 1) Tell them what they've done that is unacceptable. 2) Teach them the correct response (which I've found a lot of parents leave out. This is probably the most important b/c without knowledge of correct behavior, best learned by you modeling it, they don't know anything but the unacceptable action to continue repeating.) and 3) Sometimes a correction or consequence is needed to make the unacceptable behavior more undesirable.
Getting mad won't work, yelling, spanking and other forms of punishment will not do much good at all imo but they definately won't work if you don't also teach proper behavior.

Mindy - posted on 08/22/2009

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It is just a stage that your son is going through. My daughter is 6 years old and she still to this day tells "white lies." I have tried to explain to her that if she lies she gets in more trouble than if she were to tell the truth. She is slowly learning that concept as well. I know it is frustrating, but given some time and it will slowly go away. GOOD LUCK!

Nikki - posted on 08/20/2009

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from my experiance most go threw a stadge of lying but most eventualy grow out of it i dont realy think there is much u can do exept explain y he shouldent lie etc its like cry woolf that story seems to work wer th boy told th village ppl th wolf had come so many times wer he hadent that wen he did no one belived th boy wen he ran for hellp maybe you could use this to explain y it is bad to lie ?

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