I'm a full-time college student and single mom and I'm LAZY?

Jordan - posted on 09/26/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Lately I feel like everyone (my parents, friends, etc.) have been insinuating to me that I am lazy and do nothing. I take classes four days a week ON CAMPUS at a school that is 45 minutes from where I live. I have a 14 month old daughter. My mom quit her job to keep my daughter while I finish college (I didn't ask her to, she just did). But not everyday when I come in and say I'm tired she says something like "Why would you be tired you never do anything. All you do is sit on the couch and text." Like... WHAT? I work my butt off at school, I'm a junior level computer science major so I have a full course load, AND I always make time for my kid. No, I don't have a job, but that's kinda why I'm going to school...right? Just because she doesn't understand what I do shouldn't make me lazy. I'm a single mom and I still live with my mom. I don't know what to do. It's been going on for so long and it makes me feel belittled. I struggle with depression and this doesn't help..?

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Jennifer - posted on 09/27/2012

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As much as you can - Ignore every little quip and 'joke' made at your expense. You are doing right by your baby girl and that's something that you can hold on to.



Try and understand where your mother is coming from. You are living in her hosue and from her point of you - you are taking time away from your child so you can do your own thing. (this is NOT my opinion) This kind of attitude is exactly the kind of blatent ignorance that I was subjected to with my ex's mother.



If it's not working out - tell your mother that you are greatful and find yourself another child minder while you're at school. Or *this is jsut my opinion* put her in daycare three days a week so you can relax a little bit when you are studying.

Kelsey - posted on 10/02/2012

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College full-time can be hard work for one person, while it can come easy for another. Is your mom is letting you help out around the house, and allowing you to be independent.



I think it seems like your mom is insulting you for no reasons at all. Maybe she needs to let you help out more and feel like the home is everyone's to share! I had a similar experience, expect I was finished with college and coming out of an abusive relationship. Before my daughter was 1, I had moved out into my parents home. My mom criticized everything I did to try helping out around her home. Nothing was the way "she wanted it to be". So I had her always complaining, so I just stopped. I eventually, got tired of having very rude, insulting words being thrown at me and found my own place. It helps to go live on your own, honestly. Even though, it can be hard "doing it all on your own". If you do not have a 100% supportive mom/dad, then I would figure out a different living arrangement. Because if you have a daughter, your mom should be respecting you and your needs because she is allowed all this time with your daughter. It's not cool to me, when a grandparent finds reason to disrespect a parent, no matter the age. If there is a child involved, it should be 100% respect and support. Hope this helped some. Write back if you want to talk.

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Jordan - posted on 09/30/2012

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And the texting thing that I mentioned is something that she says almost everyday and I hardly ever text... like ever. She gripes about me being on the computer... but I have an online business and I'm a computer science major. Hello, I'm always busy writing programs for school or dealing with my business.

Jordan - posted on 09/30/2012

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Really, all she does is keep her while I am actually on campus. I have my daughter from the time that I get home until I leave for school again. I cook, clean, and have a small business that I make my money from while I am finishing up my degree. I know my mom is here to help, but I just don't think it's fair for her to constantly call me lazy when, honestly, I can't remember the last time I even sat down for more than 20 minutes at one time. Her husband is gone a lot, and I think that maybe she is just taking out her frustration about that out on me. That doesn't seem very fair either. Also, she is kind of mean to my daughter. She's not like abusive or anything, but my daughter is only 14 months, and she yells at her when she doesn't do what she tells her to. I don't agree with that, I try to keep an even temper (obviously, I lose my patience sometimes (: ). It seems, though, that my mom gets too mad at her every day and sometimes she will jerk her up and I just don't like it. And I've tried to talk to her about it before, but my mom is one of those people who thinks that she does no wrong. If I try to tell her how I feel, she belittles me and tells me that I am stupid for thinking that way. Then she usually blames me for something, anything. My main thing is that she quit her job to help me, so I would feel guilty to put my daughter in daycare. It's very stressful.

Sharlene - posted on 09/29/2012

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I hear where you are coming from hun :) im a single mum of 2 and a foster mum of 3, i do respite for children with disabilities and also work 1 day a week as well as doing my degree in social services. I am very tired by friday lol but it works, my suggestion is talking to your mum about your concerns she may surprise you :) so long as you are going to school, spending time with your daughter and helping with housework than there is not really alot for your mum to complain about. Chin up doll it will work out

Megan - posted on 09/28/2012

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I can competely understand how this could be stressful and i pray everything works out. My sugestions would be to talk to your mother. Get a understanding of why she feels you are lazy and what she expects from you. Tell her your feelings. A lot of issues are caused by misunderstanding and non comunication. These are important factors to any relationship including mother daughter. It sounds like your mother loves you and may be worred about your choices. Your working hard so you can provide the lifestyle for your child and yourself, but sometimes you need to think about the bigger picture and not the smaller side of things. Dont think negatively but stay positive. Tlak to your mom she loves you or woudln't be helping!

Dani - posted on 09/27/2012

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I can see why school would be hard. I finished a college nursing program with a son, but neither one of my parents helped as much as your mom does. My mom babysat occasionally if it fit her schedule and only if it was ABSOLUTELY needed at the time. Plus I was working as a CNA and my husband was in BCT and AIT then active duty military for a lot of it. Jodi definitely had more of a load than I did, and she seems to handle it really well. So I would have to ask her questions too. Your mom did already raise you as well so she completely understands parenthood and seems to really care about you doing well, otherwise she wouldn't be doing all she does. At the same time I can see how her comments are hurtful to you, your obviously not lazy because you seem to be doing a lot to make your lives better which I think is great. Even though it may seem like it sucks when I was in college I spent a lot of time tired, but still had to come home and clean, do dishes, give my son a bath, get him ready for bed, cook the meals, then work at the hospital at night when my husband finished up with the chores and with my son. So yes I understand how hard it is and you didn't say much about what else you do other than school, although through benefit of the doubt I assume you do help out maybe start doing a little more everyday, I don't think your mom is trying to put you down as much as she is trying to make sure you have everything under control when your on your own. I hope things get better for you.

Jodi - posted on 09/27/2012

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What do you do when you are not at college? Is your mum still doing for your daughter when you are at home? Are you pitching in with a good percentage of the cooking and cleaning? Maybe she just wants you to get a little part time work to help out with the bills?



I'll be honest, I completed a full time University course this year, together with juggling 2 businesses, 2 children, 2 step-children AND running the household with NO family help, and a husband who works 7 days a week, so I CAN kind of see where your mum may be going with this. What are you doing the OTHER 3 days of the week is probably on her mind.

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