I'm an awful Mom

Ashley - posted on 06/18/2010 ( 104 moms have responded )

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I'm a awful mother. My baby boy who is just over 7 months is teething. We just got him to sleep all through the night about 3 weeks ago, then last Saterday a tooth showed up and since then hes been really cranky and waking up at least once a night. My husband is fantastic and will get up with him, but last night Devon (my baby) was waking up every time we put him in his crib. I went to give him tylonal, but he turned his head and cryed. So you know what I did. I screamed at him. My sweet inocent little baby boy who was just in pain from teething and I screamed at him. I am so ashaimed of myself.

My Mother used to yell at us all the time growing up and I always promissed myself that I would NEVER do that to my children, and already I'm yelling at my 7 month old little baby. I love him so much. I dont know whats wrong with me. I dont deserve him.

I've been really fusterated with my husband lately because he isnt emotionaly available. Hes an amazing father and an all in all good man, but I havent gotten a good loving hug from him in a really long time. I need a hug!!! I have asked but he kind of pushes it asside. Hes really good at changing subjects. I cant blame him, I yell at him too. I have to wonder why he hasnt taken the baby and ran.

I just feel so lost. I always thought I wanted a family and now I have a beautiful one I'm more lost and upset then ever. I always knew having a baby wasnt easy. So why am I finding it so hard to be the Mom I want to be. I dont want to be so angry anymore. I dont know what to do.

Last night during the few min Devon was asleep in his crib I sat on the floor of my bedroom and just bawled, My husband just slept away. I have been feeling that maybe its best for my son just to be taken away from me. He needs love and understainding and someone to hold him and be gental when hes in pain.

I dont know what to do. I'm a bad woman and dont diserve the family I have. I had to get this off my chest. I need people to know how horrable I am. Please be honest. Maybe something will get through to me and say ding. Thats how you can controlle your overwhelming fustration. Please help, I'm so afraid to be alone right now.

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Tiffany - posted on 06/18/2010

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I kinda of have to laugh a little, but not at you. I can't believe you feel so terrible for letting your frustrations out! He will not remember it, I promise you. You and he are FINE. You are not a bad mom, you are a sleepless mom. Next time you feel frustrated, just walk away and let him cry. He won't die from crying, I promise you! If he's teething he might be as sleepless and tired as you are, so letting him cry himself to sleep might be the best thing for him AND you. You crying yourself to sleep might be good, too. ;)

As for your hubby- why should he be emotionally unavailable? There's no reason. What, are you denying him sex (which is important to men) or belittling him? If not, why does he have the right to be angry with you? Don't ask him for a hug, just go up to him while he's doing dishes or standing up and give him a hug- tell him you just need to feel secure, I bet you he won't turn that down. Men like it when we let them know we feel safe with them.

You're not a bad mom, you're a normal mom! Trust me, if yelling at my kids was the only 'bad' thing I've ever done then somebody send me to jail!

With the teething, it won't last forever. It's hard while you're going through it, but in a few days the teeth will break through and all will be back to the way it was- he'll sleep through again and you'll get more sleep too.

Karen - posted on 06/20/2010

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YOU ARE NOT a bad mom. it hit me hard when I had my 2nd. It was so hard to get any sleep at all. I went through a lot of what you are going through. My husband blew up at me when i asked him for help with the kids. Made no sense to me at all why he would do that instead of listening to my feelings. He thought everything I was going through was because I was lazy and slow. Trying to push more of the work onto him. Guys will never understand what we go through to be mom's. I suggest maybe writting him a letter telling him how you feel. Hide it in his car on the steering wheel or in his wallet in front of his time card. He may not know how to "talk or listen". you guys sound like newlyweds and it takes a long time to learn how to get through to each other the way you should. That little baby of yours feels your love everytime you give him a bottle, change his diaper, hold him close ect. They are the MOST forgiving beings in the world. I've done the same thing. I've thrown stuff (NOT AT THEM) ect.. It's better to just put them down in a safe place and go cool off for a while. Whether it's a shower, taking a step outside, ect. I suggest you get the book Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul 7 Essential Habits for busy Mom's. It has A LOT of advice, and stories in it that helped me so much. It helped so much that when I got stressed I'd just open it up, read one little story and I was ready to hug and kiss all over my little guys. It was my medicine. I'm sure a letter to your hubby will open him up to either talking to you or writing back. Make sure to write in the note that he can write back. Even professionals say it's a good way to start communicating better with your other half. Eventually he will see when you need him and how he can be there for you. I have 3 little ones, no help and still dealing with overwhelming frustration. I am finding that I need to lock myself in the bathroom for 5 min, step outside, or take a shower like 10 times a day. You may need professional help to learn how to cope. Unfortunatly my husband still thinks I'm just lazy and overreacting. Also, another thing to look at is do you and hubby get breaks together? A baby can make you grow distant. They are so much work and require 24/7 on call duty. You should suggest a date night every now and then without kids. it's the ony way for you 2 to stay connected! Even if it's just watching a movie together at home alone. You 2 may be sooo caught up in the babies that you 2 have put aside your feelings for each other. Sort of temporarily forgot why you 2 fell in love. you need to go back to that once in a while. Talk about how you felt when you first met him, do something you guys used to do together, recover those moments you used to have together. And don't feel bad about leaving your babies for a while. A happy family starts with a happy couple. You guys are their foundation. You have to stay united as one. It will also help with disciplin when you get to those stages of your kids' lives too. Good luck to you and hang in there. Me and my best friend always say "The stages kids go through are overwhelming, but at least they give us some variety!" There will be stages that seem overwhelming to you, then before you know it they will be in another stage. Some stages will seem hard to get through, others will seem simple to you. you won't be overwhelmed all the time forever. And give them LOTS AND LOTS of hugs and kisses and you will all be ok. Keep up the good work and seek as much support as you can. you are a great mom just for posting and seeking everyone's support on here.

Joyce - posted on 06/20/2010

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We all have our moments of weakness. As a mother we have a lot on our shoulders to deal with. It does help when we have a husband that is willing to help, but unfortunately for most women their husband's don't pick up as much slack as they probably should. Just remember God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but he definitely puts us to the test. You are not a horrible woman or mother and it takes a lot of courage to speak about our faults, and it takes an even smarter woman to know she might have a problem. Don't beat yourself up, but as others have said if you feel you might have one speak to your doctor that is what they are there for.

Melissa - posted on 06/20/2010

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You're not an awful mom!! Especially if this is your first, you're bound to be overwhelmed and stressed. Don't beat yourself up!! All of us moms get stressed out sometimes and that doesn't mean that we're bad women or moms- it's just that we're human. If you're getting angry a lot, you may have postpartum depression. Please seek counseling now. The right help will get you back on track and make you feel more confident as a mom and I'm speaking from experience. I'm not saying you won't still get angry sometimes, but they won't be as frequent. The only time I really get angry with my 5 year old now is when we're both tired or if I'm not feeling great because then she knows how to do anything and everything to p*** me off, but over all she's a great kid and I'm very blessed to have her. It sounds like you're a great mom and wife that just got caught up in the teething process which is very trying.

For teething I suggest 3 things: cold teething ring, Baby Orajel or (and I know it sounds crazy, but I swear it works) a cold dill pickle in one of those meshy things. My daughter loved dill pickles and still does to the day. It helped her get through teething. Best of luck to you!

Rachael - posted on 06/20/2010

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I was just thinking also, maybe try to get a date night with just you & your husband. Have someone watch your baby overnight or just for a few hours so that you can get re-energized.

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Sarah - posted on 06/20/2010

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Listen you are definitely not a terrible mum, having a baby is the hardest and most wonderful thing, and it's true it makes or breaks a relationship, you sound very much like you have post natal depression and I strongly advise you see your GP asap, Don't be ashamed of how you feel, I had post natal depression and I am so glad I saw someone about it as 3 months on our family couldn't be happier.
If you need someone to talk to in private email me at button@tjandsarah.com
=)

Joanna - posted on 06/20/2010

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You are not a bad mother. Just some times kids can get to you when every thing come crashes down on ya.I agree with Lisa seek counseling 7 marriage counseling also it hels.

Rachael - posted on 06/20/2010

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You're not an awful mom. You are human. We all get frustrated but you just have to find a way to handle it. Sometimes it is just letting him cry it out while you go into the other room to get yourself together. I definitely have to do that. I would agree with Lisa on getting with a counselor or maybe someone at your church to just talk about things. Who knows you may have a touch of post-pardum depression. Not uncommon and when diagnosed you are given help whether it be medicine wise or just talking with someone.

One thing I wanted to mention is that baby tylenol is on recall. Here's some information on it.. don't give him any more as it could cause issues. http://www.tylenol.com/page2.jhtml?id=ty...

I have found that teething tablets work WONDERS for teething babies & toddlers. They are super easy to use & are homeopathic (natural) Here's the site with details about it. You can get them at most stores.. I got mine at CVS. http://www.hylandsteething.com/?cat=3

Good luck & keep your chin up. Parenting is tough.. but it's all worth it!

Courtney - posted on 06/20/2010

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You are by far a bad mom. So you got a little overwhelmed and yelled at him. Its not like you physically hurt him. Every mother has their moments. I was in the same boat as you with the husband thing. And yes, I have lost my temper when I got overwelmed as well. I think almost every mother has raised their voice atleast once to their first child. Its hard being a mother and wife and being expected to clean the house, make dinner, go to work, do the laundry, etc. I love my hubby dont get me wrong, but the only attention he ever really wants to give me is when he "wants some." If you get overwhelmed with your little one, put him on the crib where you know he is safe, close his bedroom door, walk away, go calm down, then go back to him. Also I found that tylonol doesnt really help with the teething. Ibprofen is what worked the best. Also take a wash cloth, wet the corner and put it in the freezer. Once it freezes give it to him to chew on. Not only will the coldness help ease the pain, but the roughness will help the tooth/teeth break threw easier. If you ever need to let anything out, or just someone to talk to, message me. It makes you feel better when you have someone to talk to that knows what your going threw. Chin up, dont let this beat you up. He loves you unconditionally, and the good thing is, he is young enough to where he wont remember it a few hours later. He depends on you. You DO deserve him.

Candice - posted on 06/20/2010

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We have all had a moment where we have yelled out of frustration....i have done the same thing..then i creid bc i felt bad...but everyone is right we know we love them and they know it and even if you got a bit aggravated it is ok!! I dont think theres any ppd but i didnt have it so im not sure there...just sounds like you need sleep and support and just remember that wont be the first or the last time that you yell lol!!!

Caroline - posted on 06/20/2010

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I don't think u r a bad mum, it seems to me that all u need is as u said some attiontion of ur own. And maybr to see a doctor because from What u have ust said to me it sounds like u r just suffering from postnatal depression. And that is coming from someone who know what u r saying. I have been there and am still going through it. it is tough wher u r to busy looking after ur child and feel as though no one in the world wants to look after u while u r being soo busy. It is also hard to think that ur child doen't want to know u even though u have already gone through so much for him and plan to go through a heap more by the time he has grown up and left home.

Ashley - posted on 06/20/2010

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I honeslty know how you feel I have yelled at my daughter bc she too is teething she's 6 months old so I'm a new mommy too... I dont think its too awful the way I look at it is that it was one slip up thats normal its the woman in us =] but if it does become a habit please do see or talk to someone. You're not an awful mother or an awful woman!! Just breathe you'll be fine and if you need someone to talk to and relate to msg me! I'm going through the same thing you are, we can get through this together!

Mariah - posted on 06/20/2010

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i'm sure so many people have already said this, but you are not a bad mom. you are normal. to be honest, and i'm ashamed to say this but when my son was about that age, i yelled at him, then i went out on the front step with him in his crib crying, and cried myself. I love my son and i would never give him up and i'm sure you feel the same way, you just probably thought it was going to be easier than this right?? but also you didn't hurt your child, so smile about that. to straighten out things with your hubby, see if a grandparent can take you son for a couple hours or a night, and just hash things out, that way if you start fighting you won't have to worry about upsetting the baby, let him know how you feel, tell him how much you appreciate him getting up with the baby, but that you need him too. and i don't want to say this but you may have post partem. talk to your doctor. they might be able to help. and remember YOU ARE A GOOD MOM.

Candi - posted on 06/20/2010

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You are Not an awful mother. We have all lost our temper at some point in time. I have yelled at my daughter too. Unfortunately, more than once. It happens to the best of us. My daughter is 5, so I have to take a deep breath at times and sometimes, just take a break. I not only do I have to do this when she is sick and hurting, but also when she is ill or if I had a stressful day at work. To me you are a strong mother. I use to have a hard time admitting that I lost my temper. Now, I can do it easily. Even at 5, my daughter understands and knows that I love her and that sometimes I make mistakes. I'm not perfect and I have made several mistakes. My patience with my daughter gets better everyday. I wouldn't call you a bad mother for yelling one time at your baby. You might consider marriage counseling if you feel it's necessary. If, you think you are losing your temper too much, then maybe seek a counselor for yourself. Don't beat yourself up about this. Your son needs you and you need to be strong for him. He loves you deeply and in his mind you are "Perfect". Keep your chin up. You are doing just fine.

Ally - posted on 06/20/2010

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You are NOT an awful parent!! Have you ever thought that maybe you are just depressed or have post partum depression? I had it after the birth of my son and i did the exact same things you are doing.. It's not your fault.. Go to your doctor and get some HELP! It worked for me and I hope it works for you!! Good Luck.. :)

Amber - posted on 06/20/2010

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Your not a bad mom you got very overwhelmed! I have done it with both of my kids like 2 times! I was running on day 3 of no sleep. Men are not always sensitive to exactly what a baby needs. Dont be to hard on yourself really it does happen. I felt really bad when i did and then prayed and stepped back. Babies are tuff even when in pain it mostly being overstimulated and tierd. If you do think its post pardom depression i encourage you to check it out. But if not please know your HUMAN as we all are Heavenly Father knows we are not perfect. Pray and ask for guidence. You will still have your days but we all do!

Jennifer - posted on 06/20/2010

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Does anyone else agree when reading Parenting Magazines, we feel a little bit out of place because I don't do all the great things other moms do? My bf and I are trying to be more family oriented with my son, it's just a little hard. Not to mention my ex husband (my son's father) is COMPLETELY out of the picture.

Shenna - posted on 06/20/2010

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none of us mommies are perfect and if think or claim to be we're bold face lying. i can remember just crying and crying and wishing i had my "old" life back, but we all know that's not gonna happen. luckily, i have a great best friend (childless though) who I was able to talk to. I have a great husband who is a A+ father but like your's not so emotionally in tuned so it was hard to explain what i was feeling to him. I strongly recomend talking to someone...anyone who will isten helps. I would also mention something to my doc or pediatrician about your feeling bc it could be post partum...don;t feel ashamed about it..you're not the only one... they will be able to point you in the right direction. Please remember though... not matter what put the baby down and walk away before you feel too frustrated or aggravated!

La Tonya - posted on 06/20/2010

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I have been feeling the same way!!! My sone is now six months old. He has 4 teeth and is currently getting two more. The only differences in our circumstances are that i have three kids, and my husband is in haiti 45 days at a time. He only comes home for 7-9 days at a time.

I am guilty of yelling at my older children because of my frustrations. I dont have anyone to talk to but my babies, but lets face it.. Convos with a four and two yr old can get pretty dull. I totally know what yoyu are going through Ashely. It is ok to cry.

Sometimes when i am sitting and watching tv or whatever i just burst into tears for no reason. Or no reason on the very surface.. Just relax when you can. Just remember that your baby is in pain when he is teething, and you are who he depends on to take care of it. You are not a bad woman, or a bad mother. As long as you dont physically harm your baby then yell all you want ^_^.

Jennifer - posted on 06/20/2010

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You aren't a bad mom. The best thing to do when you're frustrated like that is to leave the room. I told my 2 year old to shut up once because he kept whining, he wasn't even crying and I cried for the rest of the night, and have bad dreams about it. Yelling won't help the problem, just make you feel worse, but hey we're all new moms and make mistakes. Maybe try the counting to ten and inhaling exhaling techniqe. I don't think you have post partum like another mom suggested. Teething is a sucky time. I had post partum, and it was hard.

Katherine - posted on 06/20/2010

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I disagree with all these other mommies that you have PPD. I have a 9 1/2 month old and am going through the same thing. She is currently cutting her 2 top teeth at the same time =p It is so frustrating. I do agree with some that as sleep deprived as you feel he feels the same. My daughter was just as tired as I was but I know she could feel how frustrated I was and it took grandpa to get her to sleep. My bf works 3rd shift so at night I'm on my own. Tylenol helps alot and so does the a tiny dot of adult ambisol. I yelled at her the other night to please just go to sleep and then I cried. Since my daughter started teething 2 months ago I have felt the same way you do. I finally had to sit my bf down and tell him how I felt and thankfully I had my parents to talk to.
I felt better afterwards. But I have learned that you need to make time for yourself because if mommy's not happy no one is really. And to just breath. Also relationship wise you do need to kinda rekindle the passion and naughty texts are a great way to do it =)
If you need to vent or just talk you can message me. I totally understand where your coming from. Good LUck

Jennifer - posted on 06/20/2010

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youre not a bad mom you just seem overwhelmed! but if its getting bad like that maybe you need a quiet time for yourself...

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If every mom who yelled at thier kids once in a while were bad moms, there would be alot of us. You sound like you need an overnight baby sitter (grandma or grandpa) and a romantic night with your husband!! Every mom needs a break once in a while!!

Melanie - posted on 06/20/2010

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To me it sounds like post partum depression. talk to your doctor and see what can be done

Lexi - posted on 06/20/2010

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awww sweety! all you did was yell. You didn't hit him or shake him. All us moms hit a breaking point some times. There has been multiple times where I have to just put Torsten in his crib and walk away so I don't loose my temper. He sits and screams but I get a break and he is ok. I have yelled at him too. None of us are perfect and these babies are exhausting, frustrating and very difficult even though they are wonderful too. I really would recommend seeing a doctor or counselor and talking about post partum depression. It sounds like you may be struggling with that and getting treated will make things so much easier. You also need to sit down and tell your hubby what a hard time you are having. Don't just say "I need a hug" Tell him how much you love him and your son and how you want to be a good wife and mom but you need his help to do so. Tell him you sat up crying. Tell him how much it hurts. This is something a lot of men don't understand and anyone who has never dealt with depression has a hard time seeing it and knowing what to do. I have struggled with depression for many years and when I was first dating my husband he thought it was his fault. He thought if I truly loved him then he should be able to make me happy. He thought I must not really love him or that he was doing something wrong. It just doesn't work that way. Reassure your husband that you love him and apologize for yelling at him and explain what's going on that causes it. In the mean time, know we are all here with you and for you. You are normal, you are not a bad mom. You just need some help. *hugs*

Sarah - posted on 06/20/2010

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i tried reading everyones response to this but after a while i just could not read any more to many but i still wanted to say i know how u feel.i have dont the same thing and it hurts bad afterwards and u wish u can take it back but U R NOT A BAD MOM at all.and i also think u should go see a doc for post partume it happens and it can happy till a year after u had ur baby.i had really bad post partume with my daughter.and its not just feeling no feelings for ur child it is more and can sometimes not have that kind of feeling.but if u ever need someone to talk to about the postpartume that has gone thru it im here for you

Rebecca - posted on 06/20/2010

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Hunny it sounds to me like you are going through post pardum depression. I think you should seek a support group to get help for this. Listen to me when I tell you that you are not a bad mother or a horrible person. Many people go through this same exact thing. You need someone to help you out when you are feeling down. I'm sure you are a fine mother and once you get past this you will be singin a different tune. Don't be so hard on yourself...Keep your head held high and try to correct the problem instead of dwelling on it. I wish you the best and please let me know how you are doing from time to time.

Amanda - posted on 06/20/2010

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You're not a bad mom! It's okay to get upset. The good thing is, is that you recognize that there is something wrong. You're tired. I remember when my son, who is now 3 would not sleep and just constantly cried all the time. I read a book, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer. That book saved my life. When you feel yourself getting frustrated, walk away. It's ok to let your baby cry. Next time you go to the store, look for this homeopathic stuff for babies who are teething. I can't remember the name of it but I think it was teething tabs, or something like that. I dissolved 2 in a little bit of water the put it in a syringe and gave it to my son. Also, I learned that "white noise" stops a baby from crying instantly. My son would fall asleep to the vacuum cleaner running. Try this, and remember, you're not alone and you're not a bad parent. And my husband and I had the same problem. I had to talk to him, he had no idea how I felt. Plan a nice evening for just the two of you. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Jennifer - posted on 06/20/2010

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You're not a bad mom. I've been there as well but i have to stop and tell myself that yelling isn't going to fix anything or make it better. Just step back away from your baby and take a few minutes. Let him cry it's good pratice. My son has cryed himself to sleep many of times while teething. Yeah I wanna run over and rescue him but I know for my own sanity I can't.
Hope you are doing better today and feel free to message me if you need to talk. We are moms and need the support!

Katy - posted on 06/20/2010

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hi my daughters just turned 13months and theres been times where ive shouted at her and felt realyy guilty but that doesnt mean im a bad mammy cos i do anything for her but just got overwelmed with the stress and it just slipped out. it happens at times but it doesnt harm your child. if you were a bad mum u would neglect your child etc etc you sound like a good mammy and what your feeling is the *mummy guilt*

as for your husband i know exactly how you feel my fella doesnt show any emotions towards me at all. i have to cuddle up to him if i need a cuddle. and he wont open up and talk to me

but i have other family i can talk to and no matter how old you are its always nice to get that hug for you mam n dad and that reasurrence from them. friends with babies are good to talk to too.

when your babies bad a teething and turns his head have you tried him with a dummy just at night just bob a bit of teething gel on bob it in his mouth hold it for a while so he cant spit it out then shush him to sleep or stroke his head worked with my daughter

good luck i hope you start to enjoy your son cos they grow up sooo quickly and it does get easier... feel free to message me anytime

take care katy xx

Rachele - posted on 06/20/2010

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You're not a bad mom. Women are more emotional and when we get too stressed and tired some times we snap. I have two boys and a baby girl. It's not easy and there are days when I have to put them all in their beds and step outside and take some "me time". Every mom has those times when it seems like its just too much, but you know that you love your child and you love being a mom. Remember to take a break now and then, when he's sleep or if he's crying and you get too upset, put him down, it won't hurt him to cry for a little, and step outside or somewhere that you can't hear him and calm down. Women are taught that they have to do everything and they can't lose it and so we push it all down and then when it can't be pushed down anymore things get out of hand, so remember we may be wives and mothers, but we need to be us every now and then. Find some girlfriends and set up a girls night out once a week or even twice a week. Going out and having fun can help take out some of the stress and anger. Hope you get a break soon and recharge.

Amy - posted on 06/20/2010

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Ow huni your not a bad mum, I no people are probley telling you the same things over your not bad, your got a baby thats how it is,But you no wha we dont no you, all I can say is we all yell and ge angrey we all feel like crying and loosing it its just a matter of controlling your self not just for you but for your baby, Never leave your baby a baby needs there mum your baby needs you more then anyone your the one ur baby has known since he was in ur belly. even tho you feel you feel your not helping when he;s in pain because he still crys. you are your helping just by bing there and giving him cuddels. when you need a hug hug your baby there the ones who give you the best cuddels even when they cant hold you back u no hey want to. you bing with ur baby helps him through the pain and stress he;s going through now to, the love u feel for him he feels for you,before you no it the teething will be over and itll get worce youll wanna yell more and you will but thats not as bad as you think it is as long as you controll yor self and you are seeking help that shows you are a good mum ur getting help for him. and darling go see a doc they will help you controll ur sadness that you are feeling and you will feel so much better trust me, no u love your baby and your baby loves and needs you more then anyone. and for ur husband most men are like that they dont undersand what we go through and what we need we realy need to show them for them to notice not just tell them.you need go do it go hug him and dont let him push u away just hug till he hugs back, there like children to think of it like that you almost need to spell it out to them lol. good luck hun.

Diana - posted on 06/20/2010

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i think mayb u just have postpartum depression and need some help. i have a friend who was like that once. she spoke with her doctor and found out she had depression. as of to ur husband, marriage counceling is the best thing because that way you both will understand how u feel and etc. good luck.

Sarah - posted on 06/20/2010

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dont u dare put your self down yes u may of shouted at him, i did the same thing with my son who has just turned 10 month and then cried to EVERY 1 MAKES MISTAKES HUN DONT U EVER FOR GET THAT and reading what u have put u are a fantastic mum hope this makes you feel better xxxx

Jen - posted on 06/20/2010

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you not a bad mom.... everyone has bad days when they don't make the best choices, don't beat your self up....

Rolla - posted on 06/20/2010

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you r not...u only lose your timber we all do, next time try 2 be relax and slow down his pain, don't frustrates your self

Kristina - posted on 06/19/2010

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you know, i get where you're coming from. i've been so frustrated myself, i have a 10 month old baby boy, and im 6 months pregnant with another. i know it's hard. nobody ever claimed it was easy, and if they did, they were lying. honey, you DO deserve your baby. maybe right now what would do you the most good is a little time to yourself. i know, it sounds like a joke, but im serious. it did me a world of good, and now i can handle things better. ask your husband if he wouldnt mind taking the baby for an hour or two and take a walk, or a warm bath to relax. and maybe the solution to getting your husband to be more emotionally available is after the baby takes a nap or something, take the time to sit down with him and have a serious conversation with him. let him know how important it is to you, and how you feel. if you need someone to talk to, please feel free to message me whenever you feel is necessary

[deleted account]

Awe :( I have to say this really made me cry! Because for a while there I kinda went through the same thing. I didn't scream at my baby but I did at times feel like screaming! I felt like I just wanted to pull my hair out at times. I went for about 2 months of where I just didn't want to do it anymore. She would cry and it would get to me more than usual and I wouldn't want to do anything. I would beg her to stop crying. The funny thing is she doesn't cry much and she's a very happy baby, But my nerves felt like they were out of control and they really weren't normal. On top of me being so frustrated at everything, I had a husband who wasn't "being there" for me emotionally/Physically. So that made it worse and I think it effected how I handled situations with my baby girl.
I was on birth control and I think that had a big part in making my nerves feel "shot" (the only way to describe it) because I didn't start getting so frustrated and just wanting to quit everything and not do it anymore until I started the b.c. and now I've stopped and I think it's gotten out of my system and I'm back to "normal" again. But still I know how you feel. You feel like you deserve and Academy Award for the most horrible mom in the world, I know I did. I would cry my eyes out because I felt like I shouldn't have been getting so frustrated.

You're not a horrible mom. and I'm sure you're not the only one who is going through this (I was one of them, I even felt like she deserved better than me!!!!---Which is crazy talk lol)

And about your husband, just talk to him. Talking works. It may take a while for to actually get through and yeah you may have to CONSTANTLY repeat your self and argue about it, but it will eventually set it. At least it did for my husband. The only thing different between my husband and yours is that he used to not help out too much with the baby. But I got on to him over and over and finally I just exploded on him dealing with how is to her and me and told him that if it doesn't change then it ill all just end in divorce. After that he got better with her. And here recent;y he finally realized he needed to treat me better too and now every things pretty good.

Just remember to PRAY, BREATH, RELAX and Walk away if you need to. I've had to walk away from my baby crying MANY time during that time.

Shannon - posted on 06/19/2010

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I think that having a moment like that is something that happens. However, with everything else you said it does sound like you have some post-partum issues going on and I think you should see someone. If for no other reason than to get someone to talk to. With my first little one I had PPD and I was ashamed and it was very hard to talk about. I also have a husband who is not always emotionally available and I grew up in a household with a lot of yelling from my father so I get where you are coming from. Acknowledging that it isn't how you want to be is very strong and getting help is even stronger...

Meghan - posted on 06/19/2010

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Your not an aweful mom.. I have a son that is really close to ur sons age.. and am currently going through the same thing... I understand believe me I have done the same thing... its just we get worked up cuz there is nothing we can really do to make them feel better while they are teething.. When u get frustrated, just walk away... if he is in his crib walk away.. if he starts crying he will be okay no baby has gotten hurt from crying... Give him tylenol or motrin (i use motrin) and use the walmart teething tablets (walmart) with some oragel... hold him on your chest and rock him while telling him its ok.. mommy is trying to make it better... give him a kiss and slowly but surely the med will work... and he will go to sleep... It will be okay... dont get all stressed out... because u yelled.. he wont remember it... Just keep reminding urself that he has no control over whats going on and does only what he thinks is what he should do.. I have had the same feelings of giving up... its just a form of depression... find a bby sitter and go out for a night and have some fun.. I know i felt better when i did last week...
You have to remember that your baby needs you, and your not a bad mother...
I have had 2 children before my youngest one.. my daughter i had sevear post partum depression with and signed custody over o my cousin who abused her and is sittin in prison for 10 years because she did so... That broke my heart.. I havent seen my daughter since she was 2 weeks old even though i went to court and fought for her.. my middle child died at 5 days old... it was the hardest thing i have ever gone through i never even got to hold him or hear him cry... my almost 8 month old son... I havent let go anywhere without me.. i am afraid to.. i know how u feel... take a step back... get a night out... if u get frustrated walk away.. we can tell u love ur child and want to do whats best 4 him otherwise this wouldnt have bothered you like this ... relax and breath...

Jamie - posted on 06/19/2010

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First let me say I admire how honest you are and sharing this story with us. Secondly, you are not an awful mom! As mom's we have to do it all and at times we may lose it! However, you have acknowledged that there is something wrong and next time instead of yelling at the baby walk away and take a deep breath. I am the mom of twin 8 month old boys and believe me we still have our share of sleepless nights and overwhelming moments, but what I find that helps me when I am the most stressed, tired, and overwhelmed... I cry with them! There are times when they both have needs that need to be meet and their dad acts like he cant help and I want to scream, instead I take a deep breath and manage the situation. Find something that makes you strong in being a mother and manage.For me my strength is knowing that I can make everything better... It may take a minute or an hour(s) but I will be able to make everything better!

Our past influences with our parents do not have to mirror our present... you decide what kind of mother you want to be and stay firm and be that mother! When your at your weakest find your strength... we all have it and your baby needs you!

Ashley - posted on 06/19/2010

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You are not a terrible mom. We all get frustrated from time to time. I can understand how hard it is not having your husband of boyfriend around. My husband works graveyards in a town an hour away.He is either sleeping or working. i never see him. We all love our kids its hard though to adjust to having to do EVERYTHING for another human being besides ourselves. Hang in there and if you ever need someone to talk to here is my email address.
smallmaytowngirl@hotmail.com

I would be more than happy to help you out and through this.

Stephanie - posted on 06/19/2010

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I think your just having trouble adjusting to being a mother...i am also hot tempered..and sometimes when i wake up in the middle of the night i almost forget ellera is just a baby..!! and i get angry and frustrated..!! Its a human thing you did, theres nothing wrong with yelling..if you had shookin or been reallly rough then i wouldnt have a second thought that you are a mean mother..Your noT a bad mother, you just need to learn how to be level headed and have patience..Ellera my daughter is 3 months as of three days ago. When i wake up in the morning at around 5, im not the nicest either, i dont yell but i definetly tell her im not happy..Let me put it this way..when your upset, they get upset and just remember they cant help themselves..we keep forgetting that...but soon all that hard work will pay off!! its hard and exhausting work, but well worth the time..
I got really depressed after i first had her!! i almost blaimed her for all of my problems, and then quickly snapped out of it!! i just think you need to be more patient and tell your husband you are very serious, and dont let him change the subject!! You need to just do what you want to do..dont depend on him to know what you want, if you wanta hug..go up to him and give him a hug..tell him you need him to be there for the baby and he also needs to be there for you also..Physically and emotionally..If he cant do either or any of those then he doesnt deserve to be with you...Another thing..I am sensing alot of insecurity..so what you wanna work on is your confidence..!! trust me it shows when it comes to parenting.Tell yourself your going to raise your child differently then you were raised..thats what i tell myself everyday.And it works..!! If you werent a loving parent you wouldnt of come this far.!! I quite confident you are going to be a great mother..Your just frustrated and stressed it happens to all mothers hunny..!!! Even myself..Theres been plenty of times where i have been scared that i wasnt a good mother..You just need to give yourself a little credit!!
And Your husband..you need to spend more time with.
And when you feel guilty for yelling which i dont suggest..or something else make it up to your baby by apoligizing and spend qaulity time with him..make him giggle and all is forgotten..forgive yourself first..he'll never remember anyways..Your his mother..he needs you out of most people.!!! you may not relise it now but soon enough you will..Please dont be shy and please keep me updated..I really sinserelly care..StEPH

Katie - posted on 06/19/2010

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It sounds like you have post partum depression and need to speak to a professional. That said, we all get frustrated and over whelmed sometimes and that doesn't make you a bad mom, it makes you human. Hang in there!

Krys - posted on 06/19/2010

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I think you have just realized you are "HUMAN" let me tell you the first week i was home with my son , three days later all he would do was cry and i felt helpless his dad was at wrk...and my mom and sisters were unavailable...and all i could do is slide down infront of the bed and cry too..i know its sound pathatic but i was 20 yrs old and i didnt know why i couldnt console him..i fed him i changed him i gave him all that i could and it wasnt good enough..so i commend you but if you think you need to talk i would. Losing your temper will happen again just human nature try not to be too upset with yourself... you are human and you need the affection and love and support:)

Heather - posted on 06/19/2010

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first off if this is the first time you have yelled at your child don't feel so bad. it all gets to a breaking point at one time. the best way to control this is to walk out of the room and take a few mins to yourself. if your husband is willing to then take a few hours out of the week for yourself. this is the easiest way to relieve some of the stress that you feel.

Casey-lee - posted on 06/19/2010

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OK you are not a bad mum you do not abuse him in any way he is happy feed and clothed and loved you are just having a moment trust me on that much we have all been there. Its just the tiredness and emotions playing havic with your head. I have to have this talk with my friends all the time, We are not super woman we cant do every thing and deal with every thing with out having out bursts at times The only thing i can say is Breath cry beat you pillow if you want, theres nothing wrong with you or your parenting

Katrina - posted on 06/19/2010

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Hey calm down your not a awful mommy for yelling at your 7 month old!!! You are tired, stressed & emotional!!!! Welcome to mommy hood!! Unfortunatly i have also yelled at my Infant before, Not my proudest moments but it happenes!! Take a DEEP breathe and relax. He isnt going to remember and its not going to hurt anyone but yourself emotional. Your Man seems WONDERFUL!!! 2 thumbs up to him!!! But your not a bad mom in anyway!!!! Okay?!?!?!

Shelley - posted on 06/19/2010

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hiya. getting frustrated doesn't make u a bad mum at all. maybe ur feeling so bad coz ur not getting the emotional support that you need or want. it's hard to make people see how u really feel. but dnt ever feel like ur a bad mum every parent get's frustrated at some point.

Nicola - posted on 06/19/2010

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not at all dont be so hard on yourself i have 4 children who i love to bits u wouldnt be human if u didnt loose it from time to time and ur child will always know u love them xx

Crissi Lynn - posted on 06/19/2010

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ashley you are not an awful mom and all of us have lost our temper from time to time...not out of hate but out of frustration. you would not be sharing this unless you wanted honesty and so i will tell you i really think it sounds like you have post partum depression. its an empty, hopeless, nothing is ever gonna get better feeling and i suffered with it after i had my second child as well. it had a huge affect on my relationship as well and i couldnt understand at the time why he wasnt doing everything i needed him to- and then i realized that if i thought about it i wasnt doing the same for him either. i dont know if this is the case with you or not... i DO know that if you are feeling angry and upset and frustrated with your baby and with your life that you really should go talk with someone and take it from there because if its depression then you could spiral out of control and it could get worse. if yelling at your 7 month old is the worse mistake youve made so far than consider yourself lucky lol ill bet 90% of the people reading this have made a HUGE mistake in the first months of their babies' life whether they admit it or not. it makes you human, not bad, and youve already taken your first step in asking for help... but a doctor could help you more than these posts. if you ever need someone to talk to you can ALWAYS message me and contact me also on facebook ♥

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